Avaya
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 02/09/06
Posts: 9815
Loc: Arkansas
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If custody is one week on, one week off, there is NO way to avoid this scenario. Let the child go, encourage her to have fun and enjoy your time while she's away and plan something to do together upon her return. THIS is the result of divorce that is just part of it.
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Eternity is too long to be wrong.
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Avaya
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 02/09/06
Posts: 9815
Loc: Arkansas
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[quote]If you have 50/50 placement it's normal to assume you take your vacation when you have the child. [/quote]
Which he is doing. The judge awarded the vacation time, he asked for the dates and he's taking his vacation on those dates. :)
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Eternity is too long to be wrong.
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BlueGoldgirl
journeyman
Reged: 12/30/06
Posts: 56
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Thank you all for responding and sharing your thoughts and experiences. I value them all.
Our previous order was not changed re: summer vacation time. What comes into play that is rather interesting is a section in our order which says that every year, if there is a conflict in vacation time requests, one parent's request prevails over the other. This is an even year, so I am the parent that gets to go on the vacation dates I want if there is a conflict. Next year my ex will have priority. We must have our vacation requests in to each other by 6/15 of every year.
In the past, my ex has used this portion of the clause to "trump me" - as he called it. He waited for me to let him know which vacations dates I wanted, and then he said "No" - those dates conflict with what I want. He would end up not taking our dd on a vacation, but just wanted to ensure that I had to change my plans. You can ask the counselors at the local summer camp where our dd was for her "vacation" week with dad while he worked. It was all about making me change my plans. That was okay once I got used to his pattern. Then in years that I did not have priority, I would just ask for a week that I knew I really did not want. He would do his predictable "you can't have it" and I would gladly take a week that he did not earmark as his. The week I really wanted :)
The math tells me that our dd has nine weeks of vacation. It also tells me that neither of us can have both of our three week periods of time (say if we both request vacation time on the other parent's week) each summer. To head this off I want to work with him.
Dad and dd attend therapy. I reached out to the therapist (with her permission). She said what usually happens is the schedule is adjusted so that it does not happen that either parent has three wks in a row. She said often people take summer out of sequence and adjust according to the vacation schedule, and get back on track in the summer. And before anyone says she does not know what she is talking about...I will just say that she is very well known...and if she can make Britney Spears and Alec Baldwin better parents...she can work wonders. I truly hope we can parent together to make summer great for our daughter.
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gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30195
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"I reached out to the therapist (with her permission)."
Before going to the child and Dads therapist, did you actually SUGGEST a compromise to Dad and see what he says? Seriously, this can backfire on you.
"She said what usually happens is the schedule is adjusted so that it does not happen that either parent has three wks in a row."
Again, how much summer time did he get in PREVIOUS years?
"She said often people take summer out of sequence and adjust according to the vacation schedule, and get back on track in the summer."
Right, and that requires people to COMPROMISE.
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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BlueGoldgirl
journeyman
Reged: 12/30/06
Posts: 56
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You asked if I communicated with dad first before going to therapist. I did. Three year ago I asked the court if we could use OFW (Our Family Wizard) for communications. I presented evidence showing my dd's dad was pretty dang bad at communicating. The court agreed. We use OFW. I sent dad three OFW msgs. regarding how to work out summer vacation schedules. No response. LOL - at least it's documented on OFW now.
What were his previous summer vacations periods of time like? He was given the same amount of vacation time as I was. Two one-week periods of time. When our dd turned ten yrs. old, we were allowed to attach the vacation period to our weekend, thus making it nine day periods of time.
COMPROMISE you say. And I agree 100% But that requires communication and co-parenting. Something that dad is lacking in.
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ssmom79
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/27/07
Posts: 7784
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Can you give him the three weeks of summer he requested and then you take the following three weeks after he returns?
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BlueGoldgirl
journeyman
Reged: 12/30/06
Posts: 56
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[quote]Can you give him the three weeks of summer he requested and then you take the following three weeks after he returns? [/quote]
I can't, as he has the 4th of July Holiday this summer...and our order specifies that it runs from 7/3 - 7/6. Following the suggestions of other wise posters, I have just decided to take a vacation week when our dd comes home from Hawaii. My vacation week will take place during his normal custodial time. LOL - before you know it summer will be over for us, we go back to school in mid-August.
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