ssmom79
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Reged: 06/27/07
Posts: 7783
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Aw, I can't have babies so I got fur babies. I'm sorry Char doesn't have someone close she can trust with her fur babies. My mom usually comes to stay at my house with my pups when we go on vacation. We have a 'chosen wien' who usually vacations with us.
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M5M5
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Reged: 07/29/05
Posts: 11722
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You will find alot of little kids at these events. There's nothing wrong with it IF you can afford to take them.
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Char9
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Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 2941
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Oh, I didn't know that. Thanks for letting me know that. :) They can't afford it. But H will not pay for them either. He's already told me as much. He will use his points for a hotel room, but they are on their own to get there.
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Char9
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 2941
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Mum had a saying; Love me, love my dog. LOL. She too loved her dogs more than people. People let you down, they use you, hurt you and cast you aside like yesterday's news. Dogs don't. They love you no matter what. If I can go, I will.
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finz
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Reged: 06/17/08
Posts: 6453
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My dog is my baby girl.
I cry when I have to leave her at a kennel, which I never did when leaving my boys (technically human) at day care.
That said, if I won a free Caribbean cruise leaving tomorrow, my dog would be in the kennel so fast it would make her head spin !
If your dh goes to this without you and had a medical emergency where he had to be hospitalized there......Would you find someone to take care of the dogs or would you wait until dh was able to be discharged to see him ?
If the perfect vacation (I've skipped some vacation options because I don't want to leave my girl) or a family crisis can't drag you away from the dogs, then you have an excuse to skip this event. If you would arrange for their care under different circumstances, then it is a "diss" to skip this milestone in your ss's life.
I'd be tempted to skip the passive aggressive and go for assertive aggressive here......your sd's can't really afford to go and don't seem to be overly employed. I'd offer to pay one of them $50 a day to watch the dogs while you are gone. If either still owe your dh money, HE should be insisting on that.
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Char9
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 2941
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Well, let's see. Oldest owes him around $2500, youngest owes over $5k. Of course if H got sick while there I'd find a way to get there. This is about me respecting the role SS's parents have in his life. Remember, I "broke" up the "happy" family. While the kids don't look at it that way, they don't blame me, I do. I knew better. And their mother is now reliving the past and can't get over her hurt and anger. I don't want to make things worse for her while she is struggling in her own life. It's a slap in the face to her. I'm trying to respect her by "keeping my distance". There is more going on that I can't/won't say here. I don't want to cause BM anymore pain than I have already caused.
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Tweeby
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Reged: 06/05/04
Posts: 7100
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If dogs are more important to you than people are than I guess you have your answer, don't go and send the message that you are not paprt of his family.
My sister has a few dogs that are her 'babies' but those dogs don't stop her from going on vacations and interacting with people. My sister has never put her dogs in kennels, she has family or friends who will watch and take care of the dogs when she wants to go on vacation. She has other dogs coming to her home when their owners are going out of town.
I thought having animals was to inhance your life not constrict it.
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Char9
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Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 2941
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There is a lot more to the story which I won't post here. One of "our" dogs (used to be SD's) is aggressive with my own dog. I can't imagine what she would be like in a kennel since we always had her stay with SD when we went on vacation ourselves. I'll see what the "girls" end up doing, and base my decision on that. If they go, then I will stay home and care for the dogs. If they don't then I will have SD take care of the one and the other 2 will go in the kennel for 3 days. We shall see.
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finz
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/17/08
Posts: 6453
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[quote]Well, let's see. Oldest owes him around $2500, youngest owes over $5k. Of course if H got sick while there I'd find a way to get there. This is about me respecting the role SS's parents have in his life. Remember, I "broke" up the "happy" family. While the kids don't look at it that way, they don't blame me, I do. I knew better. And their mother is now reliving the past and can't get over her hurt and anger. I don't want to make things worse for her while she is struggling in her own life. It's a slap in the face to her. I'm trying to respect her by "keeping my distance". There is more going on that I can't/won't say here. I don't want to cause BM anymore pain than I have already caused. [/quote]
Is this about 'respecting the sp role' or is this about having to take care of the dogs ?
Pick a reason and stick with it !
Char, I don't mean that as a 'you must defend your choice to this forum' issue. This SHOULD be doing what's best for ss issue to honor him on a milestone day. If the reason why you may/may not attend is that you don't want to make things awkward for his bm, say THAT ! If he wants you there and/or assumes that you will be there, if I were him, I'd be pi**ed if my sm blew off my big day because she 'couldn't' leave the dogs....especially if I knew/suspected she could make arrangements for them IF she really wanted too.
Does ss want/assume that you will be there ?
Is bm definitely going ?
Can your dh put on his big girl panties and call his ex to see if she would have a major issue with you going so that everyone can handle this like adults ?
What did you do for the girls' weddings and sgk's events ?
You shouldn't explain everything here if you aren't comfortable with that. Do what you think is right. I think it's silly though to ask advice on a situation if you don't want to share the whole story. If the dogs weren't the key factor, we are all wasting our time giving advice based on that.
Good luck
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