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Reged: 03/28/12
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Ex not taking the kids to their after school activ
      #781124 - 03/28/12 01:51 PM

I have two wonderful step children, an awesome child from my previous marriage and my husband and I have one adorable little one together. (4 elementary age kiddos) We have a dilemma that has been eating at us for the last year or so. All the kids play soccer in Spring and Fall. We have my step kids 50% of the time, (joint custody/decision making) so we have a lot of coordinating and carpooling. My husbands ex decided last year that she didnt want to take the kids to their activities when they were with her unless we pay her gas money. (we live 10 miles apart and the activities are sometimes closer to us but mostly they are a pretty even distance between homes. ) we, reluctantly, helped her out with gas money, but she ended up hardly taking them to their practices and games, so we stopped with the gas money. The poor kids were only getting participation half of the time.(hard on the teams too) Now she refuses to take them unless we pick them up from her house and take them. So this adds even more craziness to the logistics of getting everyone where they need to be on time, safely. (somedays the overlaps are impossible to make happen - we would need a miracle to happen!) we do carpooland get help from friends and neighbors, I feel that we can't reciprocate all the needs to be fair for everyone. Keep in mind we pay for these sports and equipment, we hoped that the least she could do is drive them to their sports that she agreed to and was positive about and also we hoped she would want to be part of the fun with them and see how great these kids are in their sports. And unfortunately the kids are starting to say they dont like sports anymore....its not easy trying to be on a team part time, I don't blame them. We cant force her to take them. Its just not fair. I don't want judge her and her decisions, but I will say it is not in the best interest of the kids. Part of me wants to tell my husband to have a hard talk with her about this and put his foot down, but I know that will cause more conflict. I know he would rather try to take them to their sports even if it means that each of the kids will experience being late or one of us not being there with them at their game. Should we pay her more money every month so she "might" take them. One other fact (I only mention this to paint a more clear picture) is that she makes good money and lives very well. So it's not like the gas cost is keeping her and the kids from eating or having nice things.

My biggest wish is that a judge would say that she has to stick with any agreed upon commitments and when the kids are with her she is responsible for getting them to their activities. It's a whole nother case if she doesn't agree with the activity...this isn't the case!

Thanks for letting me vent! Would love to hear people's thoughts and experiences with this.

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Reged: 09/24/11
Posts: 479
Re: Ex not taking the kids to their after school activ [Re: 777]
      #781131 - 03/28/12 08:54 PM

By all means give her gas money and anything else that will help. I would not get into litigation. That is one way to end all semblance of harmony.

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