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recently joined

Reged: 03/25/12
Posts: 2
Loc: South Eastern USA
I'm so hurt and lost
      #780984 - 03/25/12 11:21 AM

My husband told me a week ago that he no longer wants to be married to me. He has been immersed in online computer games for a long time and now says that he needs someone who wants to do fun stuff. I have been asking him to do stuff with me and he only blew me off. He admits to several extra-marital affairs. He is an over the road trucker and wasn't home much, but every thought I had was/is centered around him. I have become completely isolated over the past few years because he got upset when I talked about an activity that didn't include him. I have no friends, no church (he complained so much about the church and the people that I finally quit going a couple of years ago) and my family all live out of state. I feel like I've lost my best and only friend.
I am so devastated that if not for my dog and cat I would commit suicide. I won't because I'm chicken and my animals need me, but I sometimes want to die to stop the pain and fear of living under a bridge.
How do you stop thinking about the ex and how do you find peace?

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old hand

Reged: 06/05/05
Posts: 926
Loc: NY
Re: I'm so hurt and lost [Re: losthope]
      #780995 - 03/25/12 06:29 PM

So sorry you are going through this. The best advice I can give is move forward, dont look back and let him go.

Each of us deserve to be with a partner that want us for who we are, that love us and do not cheat. For some reason when faced with the spouse that wants to leave, the ones being left hang on...and hope they dont leave. But most do, my X left me after 30 yrs together...I hung on and hoped he would change his hurt like you are hurting...but now out of it, for 12 yrs I look back and the best I could have kick him to the curb and move forward. You deserve better than this.

Get legal advice and all the knowledge you need.

Good luck to you.

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Reged: 07/25/06
Posts: 1265
Loc: Oregon
Re: I'm so hurt and lost [Re: losthope]
      #781038 - 03/26/12 12:51 PM

Quote " but every thought I had was/is centered around him "

Ummm, sounds like you need a psychiatrist pronto...I guess now your every thought will be centered around your animals. Say hello to your new reality TV show, ANIMALS HOARDERS tonight at 7pm on Animal Planet. Hoo Ray !

"Anything free is worth what you pay for it..."
"Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get"

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Reged: 03/26/12
Posts: 1
Re: I'm so hurt and lost [Re: losthope]
      #781056 - 03/26/12 06:56 PM

I know exactly what you are going through. I found out my husband of 22 years was cheating on me. When I confronted him he told me he hadn't loved my in years and was just waiting for our youngest to go off to college to leave me. Of course this was just one month after I was diagnosed with stage 3 cancer. I have been fighting cancer and loneliness for about 6 months. It really helped me to belong to a church. Even if you don't belong to one now, you should start going to different ones and see if one feels right. I have found so many caring women and a few caring men in mine. Some really nice people that have supported me throughout this dark time. Remember that you are grieving and depression is normal. Get help if you can't cope with it or if you feel suicidal. I have asked for this very help many times. Like all grief, it does get better with time. Oh and by the way, you really are going to better off without the SOB

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Reged: 03/28/12
Posts: 7
Re: I'm so hurt and lost [Re: bythesea61]
      #781115 - 03/28/12 10:12 AM

Hang in there, I'm going through the same thing (and brand new here). I'm in a 2nd marriage that is approaching divorce. Blended families are tough, but it's no excuse for cheating, and my wife cheated on me with someone from one of those on-line sites, it has nearly killed me. I love her and my step children, and without me they will have nothing, her ex is a deadbeat. The sadness, loneliness and depression are something I've never experienced before.

I know that she still has communication with this guy, even though they don't see each other I know they have talked. I told her over the weekend that I couldn't do this and have talked to an attorney.

She says all the right things, sends me nice text messages but in the end, she cheated and has not really tried ot make amends or work at our marriage, so I am moving on.

You mentioned suicide, please don't nothing and no one is worth that. I've been at some low points through this, but nothing like that. Focus on you, have faith, it's all I can do at this point too.

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Reged: 04/03/12
Posts: 2
Re: I'm so hurt and lost [Re: bythesea61]
      #781515 - 04/03/12 05:31 PM

Hi, I'm new to this forum, but have lived thru a similar situation. I've been thinking about joing a church to help ease the lonliness. I've been divorced 3 years and still have trouble being alone. What church did you join?

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Reged: 08/13/10
Posts: 388
Re: I'm so hurt and lost [Re: delaware]
      #781663 - 04/05/12 01:17 PM

Good news! You wont be paying this man alimony for the next several years. Consider yourself lucky. When this same thing happens to men, not only do they deal with the hurt, they get to write giant checks to those who left them.

Consider yourself blessed. You should be overjoyed and doing a Mexican hat dance knowing you will not be raped in the court room for endless alimony. I would if I were in your shoes.

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old hand

Reged: 06/05/05
Posts: 926
Loc: NY
The best advice I can offer... [Re: hanzblinx]
      #782291 - 04/08/12 06:32 PM

is once your partner tells you that they dont love you, or want someone else or have to let them go immediately...

Its hard yes it is very hard, because the tendency is to hang on and try to make it work.

I know that from trying to hang on to my LTM when my X told me he didn't love me anymore....

now out of it for 12 yrs I look back and while at the time I too hung on, was sad and its normal would have been better spend moving forward and realizing that hanging on to someone who wants out is futile...

If a partner doesn't want us then thats the deal...and yes it hurts so much but I think now that i reflect back trying to save it makes it hurt more..

Church...that does help...i went to many of all different demonations to find one that helped me.

I wish you luck...its hard, its sad but once you are out of it and moving on there is lfe after divorce.

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Reged: 04/29/12
Posts: 3
Re: The best advice I can offer... [Re: Annie7676]
      #783953 - 04/29/12 12:28 AM

It's so hard to imagine moving on when you are still in love w/the other person and so wrapped up in emotion. Do not even think of killing yourself. No one is worth you taking your own life. You are in the early stages and while it is hard to imagine moving on, you will and i can bet that you will look back on this someday as a huge learning experience. It's sad when bad things happen to good people, but you have to find some positive out of it all. First, your animals need you - enjoy your time with them. Maybe visit a local shelter, what about volunteering? Anything to keep you busy and not constantly thinking about all of this stuff. It's going to be a long road, but i promise you - there are greater things ahead if you just believe and can get through this hard part. Go out and do those activities that he didn't want to be included in! Get out there and do something :)

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recently joined

Reged: 07/13/12
Posts: 1
Re: I'm so hurt and lost [Re: losthope]
      #788289 - 07/13/12 04:31 PM

Really sorry to hear you are going through that, but the light always comes when things look their darkest.

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