Lyn
journeyman
Reged: 06/04/05
Posts: 95
Loc: NJ
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Mamakitty - Think dog (or any pet) custody issues are relatively common. First heard of it re a puppy I sold to a professional couple...husband got custody with wife getting visitation...not sure the reasoning other than perhaps a shorter work day for husband. Much to my surprise, issue cropped up 20 years later in my own unexpected divorce. X asked for our dogs (like Jaiye, I was a show breeder and the dogs actually had asset value) and our horse and donkey. Sounds like your X may have a genuine interest in Adobe...for my X the request was merely a ploy...he thought I'd freak out so much at the very thought of loosing the animals that I'd cave on some other things. Happily the judge saw thru him and told him off properly! As others have noted, who purchased the dog and covered expense for him during the marriage are irrelevant; apparently what is important is who put the 'sweat equity' and emotional investment into the animal...care, training, vet trips etc. I also agree that the judge most likely won't take the dog away from your kids. Good luck!
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MamaKitty
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 01/30/06
Posts: 1632
Loc: California
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I wish I could sue him for PAS... pet alienation syndrome. It seems he's always done anything he can to get this one dog to like him more than me.
In fact, by the time he left us this time, he was absolutely furious that I'd been having a trainer come 2-3 times a week to try to get the dogs back to their former 'well-behaved' selves. Whenever he came home while the trainer was here, he was so mad he was physically shaking.
This was a good, well behaved dog before he started in on him. Pretty much the same behaviour as with the kids- no structure, no rules, no discipline. Thought it was cute teaching him to jump the fence... our neighbors don't think it's so cute, running all over, chasing cats, dogs, people.
He fed the dog scraps under the table, which ended up one time with him biting a little toddler that he was trying to get food from.
He refused to feed the dogs the ratio of wet/dry that the vet told us they had to have to keep their teeth clean, even after I showed him their gums were bleeding from lack of exercise... until I had to stop letting him feed them altogether. So then he switched to sneaking them snacks the vet had warned would cause intestinal blockage, even after he had to be taken to the vet ER for blockage.
He doesn't think dogs should have to be on leashes, even when it's the law... they should run free and wild.
He let his old paralyzed dog run 'free and wild' when he lived in the mountains, and he got killed by coyotes... he used to walk my deaf and blind dog, then when he was around the corner he'd take her leash off and 'let her run wild'. She fell off the sidewalk and ran into a fence.
There is no way he is responsible enough to take one of my dogs, so I'll be fighting that. It did make me wonder, though... are people who are irresponsible with pets always like that with children, too?
I mean, regardless of whether you like pets, is it common for people who cannot take care of a pet to be the same way about their children? Is it a generic skill or a specific skill? It seems like they share a few needed abilities.
Anyone have experience with parents who were good with pets but not with their kids? Just curious.
c
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MamaKitty
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 01/30/06
Posts: 1632
Loc: California
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Ahhrgh. He's sent another email, saying he thinks it's 'fair' that he get my dog because I supposedly 'know how close he is to him'.
I'm sorry, but I just think this is weird. If he had a dog and we were divorcing, I think I would know it was his dog! And I wouldn't be asking for it.
Gives me the willies.
c
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catrmm
old hand
Reged: 08/07/05
Posts: 850
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I agree with others. Yes, he can ask for the dog. Yes, he may be awarded the dog. No, it's more likely that you will be awarded the dog. Since a pet is considered property (though most of us love our pets dearly), it will be awarded to someone.
However, even though I believe you should be allowed to keep the dog and the responsibility for caring for the dog should be yours, there's a chance that his feelings for the dog are sincere. Would you consider occasionally letting the dog visit with the kids, or having the dog outside with the kids when he picks them up, or letting him take the dog for a walk/play from time to time? None of these things require his coming into your house. Perhaps by doing little things like that for him, he may just be a little more cooperative. Pigs may fly too of course.
One thing that worries me is what the kids said. What if someone said to him just get another child?
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KDogg
journeyman
Reged: 01/02/05
Posts: 96
Loc: West Virginia
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Jaiye, send him a certified letter giving him so many days to pick up the dog as per the court's order or he forfeits any and all rights to it. The worst he could do is file contempt but the judge would probably rule against him since he's had two months already and still hasn't picked up the dog. You could also file contempt as well, claiming any expenses related to having and caring for the dog since the day it was awarded to him. But I'd just wait and let him file it, then file a counter to it and ask for reimbursement.
MamaKitty, your ex has no right inside the home uninvited since he no longer lives there. I assume that you've been awarded temporary possession of the house? He also has no right messing with the car, either. Shoot, I'd rather pick up a carseat off the porch rather than hassle with unhooking it or hooking it back up when I'm done with it. I think it has more to do with invading your privacy than it does the carseat.
As for where kids are exchanged, I've done it at several places - school, fast food restaurants, my parents' house, her parents' house, her house, my house, her friend's house, inside, outside, in the middle of the road even (ok, we pulled into a parking lot, but you get the point lol). If you're not comfortable with him being at your house, agree to take the kids to him and pick them up, or agree to meet somewhere else. If he says no, then just request that the court order the exchanges take place elsewhere and explain that he's coming into your home uninvited and hanging around for no reason whatsoever.
Finally, the dog situation. Most courts consider pets as property even though many people treat them like they were kids (furkids, if you will). Since you got the dogs after marriage they would be considered marital property. But if you can show you've taken the most care of them and are still taking care of them, it's doubtful he'd be given one. Even the kids appear to have more sense than him in telling him to just get another dog, so obviously he's just using that as another way to aggravate you. Teach the dog to bite him and he might leave it alone lol...
Anyway, just my opinions...
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KDogg
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MamaKitty
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 01/30/06
Posts: 1632
Loc: California
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Thanks for the pickup suggestions. I doubt he would agree to any of them, because i do think most of these things are happening because he has control issues, like you stated.
When I have been right there, he tries to 'hang out' for a while in the living room before taking the kids, which is why I had them out on the porch with me instead... and since he noticed right away, that would seem to be why. When I have been outside or in other parts of the house (I try to avoid even being in the same room with him, to avoid conflict), have noticed that he tends to 'wander' into other rooms, which I think is because he's 'looking them over'. Or marking his territory. I wish he'd jsut pee all over the place and get it over with.
Yes, I could have the dogs in the front yard when he arrives. I had thought of that, but it seems to me that the more he sees them, the more he'll want them. I'd like to let them take the dogs with them, but he doesn't keep them on leashes, as required. Plus, I want him focused on our kids when he's at the park- not the dogs. I love my pets, but when I had my kids my priorities changed, and my kids are now at the top of the list ALWAYS. I have a feeling if he sees the dogs more he may decide he wants to see them 'regularly', and start asking for things like visitiatio days with them on the days he isn't with the kids. Last go-round he did everything he could to force me to see him/deal with him on a daily basis, and I don't want to have to this time.
I don't think the kids were trying to be mean telling him to get another dog- I think they could sense a fight coming on (which I did, too) and they tried to head it off. I think they know he's lonely and they've also suggested he get a cat... but they feel like the dogs and cats we have here, that I take care of, belong here. They have also noted that if only the one dog was taken he'd be left alone from 5am-5pm, and because the BUMD taught the dog to jump fences, he'd be having to look for the dog every time he got home.
Thanks for the ideas, I will try to see what I can do without creating a bigger problem.
c
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Karen1
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 1794
Loc: Ohio
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What is the UBBC code, what does it do? I don'tsee anything different but then I am not the most compter literate person around. Thanks in advance.
Hope the baby is doing well, you and the rest of your family also of course!
Karen
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"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened".
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almostheaven
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/13/04
Posts: 10468
Loc: West Virginia
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UBBC allows us to post smilies, bold, italicize, underline, quote text, etc., without relying on HTML. They apparently have it turned on for some boards and off for others because well...someone at DSource was asleep at the wheel and/or just didn't have a clue about what they were doing. Because all those smilies and special features don't work on the CS board.
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Char Fox
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Renee
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 4022
Loc: The Palmetto State
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Dogs are considered property. Even if you paid for the dogs I imagine they could be considered community property. If thats true, to counter it I would simply speak to the vet, the groomer and the trainer, explain the situation and see if they would be willing to provide your attorney with a letter that you have been the primary caregiver.
It sounds to me like he knows he has no power over you to control you via the kids, so he's going for the next closest things to your heart. I've got dogs and if my ex had even thought of trying that it would've been war. He could've taken the stupid house, the car and every piece of jewelry he bought me as long as I kept the dogs...stuff is replaceable, my pups are not.
BTW? I've been racking my brain trying to work this out - what does BUMD stand for? I bet its good ;o)
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I_am_Jack
member
Reged: 01/31/06
Posts: 184
Loc: Louisiana
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MamaKitty, it would depend on the state.
In LA, for example, if a dog bit a child, it would HAVE to be on a leash...if it was found off its leash, the owner would be charged with a misdemeanor (arrested). If it bit someone else, it would be put down. period. no third chances. And the owner would be fined, and charged with a misdemeanor (arrested). I'm not saying your dog should be put down. That's just LA law. Its just an example of how one state handles pet issues.
As to dog custody, if dogs are treated differently under the law from state to state, they could certainly be divided differently in divorces from state to state, and the Judge has a LOT of leeway on how to rule in most states.
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Never allow anyone to persuade you to do that which is not best for you. -Pythagoras
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