gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30199
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"DD is 9 years old."
Okay, I think that is old enough to go to camp, but he obviously disagrees.
"So I request once every year or two. Is that excessive in your book?"
Nope, not at all, just trying to get a complete picture.
"If the answer is that I am not legally entitled to make that judgment call, I would accept that."
The question is a complex one. Yes, you are LEGALLY entitled to decide that she go to camp. What you are NOT legally entitled to do is interfer with his parenting time. So come up with a creative work around. Pick her up from camp on Wednesday evening (or whatever day is his) deliver her, and after the parenting time is up, take her back to camp. WORST case, she misses a few hours at camp.
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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elliesmom
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/07/05
Posts: 8835
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gr8dad has the safest option, but personally I would probably just go with - I want 2 weeks interrupted this summer, and I am willing to extend the same to you. And just do it. From what I have seen of family court, given that you have tried to negotiate and he has basically refused to come to the table over a mundane issue - you don't have anything to worry about. If no other reason - than I wouldn't want to be hostage to this issue (or similar - I mean what if you got a 2 week paid vacation in Maui?) year after year. 1 week summer vacation is unusually short, but works just fine when both parties can be reasonable when things come up.
And I will call him completely unreasonable over this. The child wants to go, it isn't a safety/moral issue, and its a few hours you are willing to make up.
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Forgiveness is...letting go of the hope that the past can be changed.
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Goodmom
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 06/17/07
Posts: 2011
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Does your court order address vacation time during the summer? Typically, each parent gets uninterrupted time during the summer for a vacation. If your court order allows for that, well, choose the week that your child will be going to summer camp. If it doesn't address vacation time, you may want to file a motion so that both of you get at least 2 weeks uninterrupted vacation time each summer, alternate who gets to choose the weeks first. Word it something like you get even years and he gets odd years or vice versa.
This will be costly unless he agrees to it. But it will eliminate this problem that you are having.
Also, is the summer camp only during the week? If it is on week-ends, maybe you can send her to it on one of your week-ends. He can disagree all he wants, since you have sole legal, you have the final say.
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c_jane
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 04/06/07
Posts: 1753
Loc: In the Great State of Texas
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[quote] Its not about the time - its his way of stopping what she wants to do with it.[/quote]
^^^ THIS^^^^^
Her Ex has found SOMETHING he can CONTROL & has run with it. Something he has power to say 'no' over and wreck havoc with her DD's plans of WANTING to go to this camp.
How far away is this camp? What about if you enroll her and go get her and take her to Father of the Year's house on Wednesday night, pick her up the next morning and take her back to camp?
Or depending on what your decree says and where the camp is, tell FOTY that your DD will be at the camp but you've made arrangements & cleared it with the camp director for him to pick her up Wednesday at his regular time, and he can deliver her back to camp the next morning when he regularly would.
She'll only miss one night, FOTY can't say sh!t about it, and there's no more compromising to do.
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John Constantine: God's a kid with an ant farm.... He's not planning anything.
Edited by c_jane (04/16/12 07:31 PM)
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gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30199
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"Her Ex has found SOMETHING he can CONTROL & has run with it. Something he has power to say 'no' over and wreck havoc with her DD's plans of WANTING to go to this camp."
Why are HIS reasons for not wanting the child to go somehow about "control", yet HER desire to NOT use her uninterupted week for camp, and still schedule it when he will miss time with the child as okay?
Oh yeah, because SHE has T!TS and he has a D!CK, and you side with the woman EVERY TIME.
Bottom line, I have seen you call UNINVOLVED Dads out, and now we have an INVOLVED DAD, and you are calling him out for insisting on his time. YOU are biased, and it shows.
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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garnet
journeyman
Reged: 01/02/08
Posts: 51
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Thank you again for the suggestions. I will give serious consideration to using my vacation week to send dd to camp. The camp is only for those five weekdays, so using one of my weekends is not an option. I don't think bringing her home for the mid week overnight is feasible due to the distance (a 2 hour drive each way), and given that the whole thing is only five days, I think it would be unduly disruptive.
I wish I had known that 2 weeks summer vacation was more the norm. I would have put that in my proposed parenting plan. Custody has already been fully litigated. It was ugly. I have no desire to go back and reopen things just to get the order modified for longer summer breaks. As much as the situation frustrates me, it is not a battle worth fighting in court. It is sad that we can't agree on even these small things, but based on my past experience there will be much bigger fish to fry at some point down the road.
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LexieBelle
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/07/10
Posts: 3680
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No, sole legal custody doesn't afford you the ability to make decisions that would modify the other parents visitation. He doesn't agree to it, you'd be in contempt for not having her available.
I'd say you have to use your own 1 week to do it if you want it done.
For the record, I'm CP in my case, sole legal custody, whose NCP doesn't actually use ANY extended visitation. And I still wouldn't make a plan for something on "his" time, without his agreement. You've gotta use your week.
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Avaya
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 02/09/06
Posts: 9816
Loc: Arkansas
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[quote]That is a little ridiculous standard if you never have a week of uninterrupted time on paper. [/quote]
When you sign on the dotted line, you're agreeing to those terms. Sure it might stink sometimes, but you know it going in, it's not a surprise. Don't like it + can't get the other parent to cooperate = request revision. Until then, you comply.
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Eternity is too long to be wrong.
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