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elliesmom
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Reged: 11/07/05
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Re: Right of First Refusal [Re: momtothreekids]
      #784312 - 05/03/12 10:12 PM

I think you will lose the ROFR issue. Camp is not daycare. It is an activity. Unless you want him demanding they be with him instead of going to a band/choir festival I would NOT want to go there. The before/after care is not 5 hours so it would seem he is not violating the decree.

Given your litigious attitude I am not surprised he will not permit you to pick them up.

I am not sure what else has transpired here, but if I were you I would step back and take a deep breath. You will be dealing with these people for years. Its not worth the grief to be this nitpicky.

I would simply contact him and ask that you be listed so you can be contacted in an emergency and that their health forms be updated to reflect medical conditions and the names of their Doctors/specialists.

But first I would speak to her Dr again. Because the description of "having a Vasovagal" is incomplete. There are VV episodes/responses/attacks and the aforementioned syncope. It would be best that the information be complete.

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Forgiveness is...letting go of the hope that the past can be changed.


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Buckeye
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Re: Right of First Refusal [Re: elliesmom]
      #784316 - 05/04/12 06:00 AM

I have Vasovagal but my trigger point is blood. I was told that, at least what I do, is hold my breath. They told me to talk about anything - so far that seems to have helped a lot.

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momtothreekids
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Re: Right of First Refusal [Re: Debi]
      #784319 - 05/04/12 07:58 AM

The issue is the gf is not only the emergency contact, but she is listed under the mother section as step mother. They are not married. I am listed as someone who is not allowed to pick up the children. So if there was an emergency not only would I not be made aware, I would not be able to pick the kids up without a court order, and since he filled out the medical info incorrectly the chances of my daughter going to the ER for not having her inhaler is very very very possible. She is in the ER about once every other month for an attack that even the inhaler won't cure.

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elliesmom
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Re: Right of First Refusal [Re: momtothreekids]
      #784321 - 05/04/12 09:05 AM

I agree that you should be an emergency contact. And certainly the medical information should be complete. Including diagnosis, triggers, and what they should do in the event something happens. I worked at a camp for years - they appreciate that kind of complete information. Don't tell me your kid has asthma "when he has to do hard things" and send him with no Dr info or inhalar. Because then I think your kid is lazy and you allow it. Mainly because - I have asthma.

But - I also know that even when DH and I weren't married and the kids went to daycamp - BM was not listed as a contact or pickup person. 1 - because she lived about 20 hours away. I worked 5 minutes away. And he was afraid - since she had no job and did everything possible to thwart him as a parent - she WOULD just pick them up for no reason. I don't know what has transpired between you and your ex (I can guess), but this is one of those times that had you managed to be civil, agree to disagree etc. I can bet you WOULD be on the forms. But instead you want to run to court over CAMP and you demanded copies of registration forms etc. He doesn't trust you. And if you do run to court - a judge will know he is right you WOULD just hassle him over camp and he had a reason to deal with you this way. The fact is the camp will call him in an emergency - he will either deal with it or call you as will his gf. The best thing you can do to keep this from happening again is to nicely ask your ex that you be included as an emergency contact if they can't reach him or his gf. And let.it.go. In my experience "emergency" at camp consisted of forgotten lunches. Something his gf can easily handle if he wants her to (or he can).

You've involved the kids in this by trying to elicit that they don't want to go and I really don't like that. Neither did my SKs after their mom asked them. Because they knew in their hearts what she WANTED to hear, and said it. They LOVED camp btw. It got my SS (now 19) involved in something he still enjoys to this day - fencing. An enthusiastic "Oh I am sure you will have a GREAT time!" (while you secretly shore up any concerns you may have) would be appropriate and the KIND, LOVING thing to for your kids. Because they ARE going. They can be miserable about it or look forward to it. Which will you promote - misery or happiness?

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Forgiveness is...letting go of the hope that the past can be changed.


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SRS
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Re: Right of First Refusal [Re: momtothreekids]
      #784343 - 05/05/12 07:02 AM

I don't think I'd fight this one. If summer at Dad's sucks because they are in daycare, that is Dad's deal. BTDT. That is on him.

You must be on the Emergency Contact list, the pick up list, and the camp must know about the medical issues. My kids Dad is on the pick up list and the EC list. He moved 70 miles away, but I thought it would be respectful to leave him on the list. He likes it, but had me include a note asking that he not be called because it bothers him. My parents and BFF are also listed as contacts. (What kid wants to stay at school if he throws up and they can't reach Mom?) Just contact the director with a copy of the CO.

Don't pick them up, however, let them spend time with Dad.

You can spend the time relaxing. Making your home gorgeous, getting your nails done, whatever gets neglected when you have the kiddos.

ETA: The camp my kiddos went to does suck, btw. No activities other than watching movies. 10 kids ranging from Kindergarten to 5th grade. But, when they are with me I don't send them to that camp. That is on him.

Edited by SRS (05/05/12 07:08 AM)


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Debi
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Re: Right of First Refusal [Re: momtothreekids]
      #784364 - 05/06/12 04:51 PM

You are listed as someone not allowed to pick up the kids because he is convinced you will go get them and take them home. How valid is his concern? If you are not listed anywhere on the paperwork then how did you get a copy of the registration forms? I doubt they will send them to just anyone. If you provided a copy of the CO to get them then the camp now knows you have joint custody and will add you as an emergency contact. they still don't have to----and shouldn't release the kids "just because" since it's out of your CO'd time.

It doesn't matter if she is listed as gf or sm. Her rights don't change. They are whatever he allows them to be. Maybe he doesn't feel as if it's any of the camp's business if they are married or not. (and its not ) Or maybe they did get married (or will before summer) and he just doesn't feel the need to tell you.

And FTR I was responding to the poster who said the gf should not be listed at all. I was explaining that my SO is listed as an emergency contact for my daughter and why.

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When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now, I think it's time you kept your promise.


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Buckeye
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Re: Right of First Refusal [Re: Debi]
      #784373 - 05/07/12 06:21 AM

If the child lives with you and your husband or SO, then they should be listed on any forms AFTER the other parent. If the child does not live with you the majority of the time, then I don't think your husband or SO should be listed on emergency contact form.

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SRS
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Re: Right of First Refusal [Re: Buckeye]
      #784379 - 05/07/12 09:41 AM

ITA Buckeye.

Not shackup, BFF, grandparents. In most cases, Mom and Dad first.


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elliesmom
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Re: Right of First Refusal [Re: SRS]
      #784420 - 05/07/12 02:47 PM

In most cases I would agree, but I think a gf is no different than any other kind of friend. And I had friends listed before DH on DD6's preschool forms because I knew - he COULD NOT be of any help. He wouldn't be able to leave work EVER. Nor would he know where I was. But my BFF - didn't work, pretty much knew where I was most days and would pick up my kids in a heartbeat. And vice versa.

And of course when DH and I were dating we felt it was entirely appropriate - partly because we were afraid she would pull shenanigans, but mostly because she was not in a position to do anything helpful. She was 8-10 states away.

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Forgiveness is...letting go of the hope that the past can be changed.


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Avaya
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Re: Right of First Refusal [Re: momtothreekids]
      #784422 - 05/07/12 03:33 PM

Off the cuff I'll say you have too much time on your hands and maybe you need a job. An NCP that gets limited time with their children (5 weeks out of a year plus EOWE is incredibly limited). When he has them for the extended time in the summer, he should have uninterrupted time which he wouldn't get if you were the babysitter. He should get to expose them to 'life at daddy's'. If they've never been away from you for greater than 2 days then it's high time! He is their father equal to your role as their mother and perhaps they wouldn't be so sad or upset about this if you weren't.

Yes he should list you as an emergency contact and he should reveal their medical info but he didn't.

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Eternity is too long to be wrong.


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