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MsFloridaMom
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Reged: 05/09/12
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Spouse wants co-habitation clause
      #784526 - 05/09/12 09:56 PM

I have done a lot of reading on this subject and thought I'd get some input here.
My husband and I are separated and about to file for divorce. We have 2 children 8 & 11. We are attempting to complete the divorce without attorneys involved due to lack of funds. So far, we have done a great job with the majority of it. Thus far, he has created a parenting plan only. On this parenting plan, one of the stipulations is that from this moment forward until seven months after the divorce is final, he wants a no co-habitation clause. Now, I assume that this could actually be at least one year or longer from now depending on how long it takes for the divorce to be final. So, after reading up on this a lot, it sounds as if this stipulation is unreasonable and a judge typically will not grant it if one party disagrees with it. So, my question is, does anyone have this kind of stipulation? Any input here? I'm not the kind to bring home some criminal nor is he, as we have a reputation to uphold, and I would trust him to be choosy with who he introduces the kids to, so I'd hope that he would trust me the same. Just trying to get a better handle on why he is so adamant about this. He's saying if I don't agree to it then the divorce could be really held up and cause problems for us, etc. We haven't filed or divorce yet, this is just the parenting plan. It just seems that after the divorce is final, we should move on with our lives, and if he or I should find a suitable person, then we should be happy even if that means moving in together. It's none of the other peron's business after the divorce is final is how I see it. Any opinions?


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Dadtoo
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Re: Spouse wants co-habitation clause [Re: MsFloridaMom]
      #784534 - 05/10/12 07:50 AM

Wow, your post hit me right in the head. I just joined this forum to help with some insight and info etc and the first post is one of my issues.
My marriage is ending, and that is a given. We have two children around the ages of yours. They are devastated. I am heartbroken for them. I see their secret pain and sadness, mom dissmisses it. She is a product of a divored, but it didn't affect her..(boy is that another story!) I want a cohabitation clause. Not because I want to deny the ex the opportuity to move on, or have a relationship, which she already has, I just don't want it in front of the kids. I want the same boundary for me. Because of the saddness I see in the kids, I dove into finding out as much as I could about their mental health to learn how to cope in divorce for them. The studies are pretty alarming for children when they don't have the time to digest, and accept the finality of their parents divorce. Most times, the effects are delayed for two to three years, issues like self esteem, anger, grades, promiscuity issues, morals, and problems with the law. The rate of the above problems dramatically drop when the children learn to accept, acknowledge, and learn the different life is ok. They are more likely to develop healthy relationships. While I would love to have a great new long term relationship, and "cohabitate"-I can't be that selfish. Time heals all wounds, and if I can't keep that thing in my pants what kind of father can I be? What kind of father will those children see? That's my story on why the cohab clause- nothing more, nothing less.
Reading in between the lines, I assume you have a sig. other and will move the new guy in as soon as the D is final. You wanted an opinion, that's mine


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MsFloridaMom
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Re: Spouse wants co-habitation clause [Re: Dadtoo]
      #784540 - 05/10/12 09:34 AM

Interesting indeed! I'd love to hear your wife's side of the story. You come across as being all high and mighty, and usually that's far from the truth when you have to preach it. I am not that concerned about "moving anyone in" rather, the control issue about what we choose to do with our lives when on our own. In my situation, I'd be more likely to date a nice solid Christian individual, where my STBX is living somewhere where a known crack head can and probably will show up and live there at any time, not to mention happy hour, drinking, and smoking is STBX's way of life.
Judges do not typically grant this clause unless there is alimony involved or the X's known boyfriend or girlfriend has a record. So since there is no boyfriend, let alone with a record or history, I should probably request alimony to justify this desired clause.


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Dadtoo
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Re: Spouse wants co-habitation clause [Re: MsFloridaMom]
      #784547 - 05/10/12 10:22 AM

lady, you wanted an opinion, I gave it. Just because it doesn't match what you want to hear don't attack me. If what you say about your x is true then YOU should insist on the cohabitation agreement, unless you are as you come across, a selfish, poor me, christian by convenience person.

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MsFloridaMom
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Re: Spouse wants co-habitation clause [Re: Dadtoo]
      #784549 - 05/10/12 10:32 AM

You are too funny!! ;) Thanks for making me laugh today.

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ssmom79
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Re: Spouse wants co-habitation clause [Re: MsFloridaMom]
      #784645 - 05/14/12 03:58 PM

A seven month no co-habitation clause does not sound unreasonable post divorce as long as both parties agree to it. I wouldn't mind agreeing to that....just to see that the kids aren't dealing with shack-up honey's or a parade of suitors for either party. You're in Florida, it's not going to take a year to finalize unless you fight out every detail.

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ssmom79
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Re: Spouse wants co-habitation clause [Re: MsFloridaMom]
      #784646 - 05/14/12 04:00 PM

[quote]Interesting indeed! I'd love to hear your wife's side of the story. You come across as being all high and mighty, and usually that's far from the truth when you have to preach it. I am not that concerned about "moving anyone in" rather, the control issue about what we choose to do with our lives when on our own. In my situation, I'd be more likely to date a nice solid Christian individual, where my STBX is living somewhere where a known crack head can and probably will show up and live there at any time, not to mention happy hour, drinking, and smoking is STBX's way of life.
Judges do not typically grant this clause unless there is alimony involved or the X's known boyfriend or girlfriend has a record. So since there is no boyfriend, let alone with a record or history, I should probably request alimony to justify this desired clause. [/quote]

That's convenient...you'd pick a nice Christian suitor and he'd wind up with a crack head and you don't want a no co-habitation clause. And you want to add an alimony request, well you're ramping up for a long drawn out ordeal. Good luck.


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