garnet
journeyman
Reged: 01/02/08
Posts: 51
|
|
I thought you all would find this interesting:
[censored]://[censored].nytimes.com/2012/05/20/opinion/sunday/child-custody-in-whose-best-interests.html
In this op-ed, a "marriage and family therapist" is advocating to have a mandatory re-evaluation of custody orders every two years, and the expressed preference of the child be given priority (assuming child is age 7 or older).
This sounds like a disaster to me. Perhaps this may be somewhat workable in amicable splits where the parents can be reasonable and generally agree. I spent the last 4 years litigating custody (through hearing, decision, appeal, and post-appeal motions), and the thought of that being opened up every two years is simply horrifying. And if you need psych evaluations, etc., it is also very expensive. Plus, despite what this writer-therapist says, I don't think my 8 yo is in any position to make decision about what is best for her. Sure I take her wishes into account when choosing activities, etc., but I would hate to see her put in the middle between me and ex as a matter of course on a bi-annual basis. It's hard enough for her to live with the day-to-day emotional burdens.
Curious to hear others' thoughts and reaction.
|
elliesmom
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/07/05
Posts: 8835
|
|
I think the root idea is a good one, but her suggestion for implementation is ridiculous.
I think a custody order that has not change for more than 3 years (give or take) should revert back to the original burden of proof for custody. Sometimes the other person might be a better parent for a particular stage of life - there is a big difference between a 3 yo and 9 yo, etc. I think kids would be better served if a better parent did not face a nearly insurmountable burden of proof - based on circumstances years ago. Certainly people running to court every year for custody though - SHOULD have to prove something pretty bad is going on.
--------------------
Forgiveness is...letting go of the hope that the past can be changed.
|
Eve
member
Reged: 11/28/05
Posts: 112
|
|
I think it has some merit. In situations where things are going smoothly, it could be waived, but in situations where things are probmatic, another look and modification may be a good thing.
I only found out recently, after my now 17 year old daughter told me, she often had nothing to eat, but dried pasta, wore clothes to school with stains on them, and my ex would tell them to sneak into my house, and not tell me, to get clean clothes! She was crying and very upset,and angry, telling me this, saying, "I can't believe he did this to me and my sister!" She said he always told them not to tell me anything that went on in his house, as it was none of my business.
When I asked her why she didn't tell me, she said, she just thought that is the way a dad does things, and he had told them not to say anything. I asked a counselor about this, and she said it is common. Kids just think that is the way it is, and don't question it until they are older, even when they have another parent that is doing things better.
So, in this situation, a re-evaluation, would have been beneficial.
Edited by Eve (07/20/12 09:26 AM)
|
|
Previous
Index
Next
Threaded
Edit
Reply
Quote
