Nicole
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 01/25/05
Posts: 1762
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If anyone has dealt/experienced sibling sexual abuse please PM me. My life has been turned upside down.
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ssmom79
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/27/07
Posts: 7783
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Hi Nicole. No experience. Just passing along prayers for whatever you're dealing with at this time.
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elliesmom
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/07/05
Posts: 8834
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My friends SD was sexually abused by her half-brother (via her mom, not my friends husband's child).
The BM in that situation told a friend who reported it to social services.
Social Services came out and helped BM develop a safety plan. Counseling for both kids and not leaving the kids unsupervised. Social Services looked at it as two kids playing doctor rather than the boy being an aggressor, even though he was 16 and she was 8. Partly because he was mentally handicapped and I think partly because penetration had not occurred. He was not charged with a crime. BM was subject to supervision by social services for years because of this (her failure to report and do anything until SS came out) and because of other parenting failures that occurred while supervised.
Personally I think looking and some contact can be a normal result of children of the opposite sex left alone too much.
When you start seeing adult sexual behavior from a kid being acted out on another child - IME it is because something has been done to the aggressor child that they are repeating. Adult sexual behavior would include oral sex or penetration. In that case I would want to see the kids kept separate AND investment in finding out who did what to that child.
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Forgiveness is...letting go of the hope that the past can be changed.
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SRS
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 11/05/10
Posts: 2161
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This is about the kids. Remember that.
While I fully understand you being upset, your life isn't totally destroyed or whatever you wrote.
Listen to EM's advice. Very good and calm, imo. Your reaction and your husband's reaction to the situation are very important.
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Sadie
addict
Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 567
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If something like that ever happened to my child, the other child would never be allowed in my home again. My responsibility is to keep my kids safe.
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Sampoe
enthusiast
Reged: 01/27/11
Posts: 325
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What if it was YOUR child who was the aggressor?
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annieo
veteran
Reged: 07/07/10
Posts: 1408
Loc: Pacific Northwest
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My stepchildren's half sister was abused by the BM's fiance's son (they all lived together) and the son received therapy but there were no charges brought he was 11 and she was 8. What did happen was we were given custody of my sd (ss already lived with us) in order to insure her safety. The investigation can be difficult on the children involved.
My friends sisters son committed ince st against his sister and he ended up in juvie for a year and a half and currently is a registered se x offend er (he is 18 now and was 14 at the time the in cest occurred. He is sitting in jail now awaiting a trial for ra pe of a child (he is 18 she is 13) so somewhere in his mind this is ok.....Come to find out his older half brother may have abuse him - so you do need to find out if the aggressor was abused in this way because most likely he/she was and needs extensive help to not continue to offend.
Hoping and praying it all works out for everyone involved.
And yes - Sadie - What if your child is the aggressor....
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SRS
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 11/05/10
Posts: 2161
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Well, they recently moved long distance, don't pay child support, don't have a LD parenting plan in place, were advised by an attorney to go for custody when they were doing the move away, claimed Mom was denying time which wasn't quite true, and now claims of child sexual abuse....
Each week something new happens in this situation - a lot of drama.
Where's Dad in all this? Why are 2 boy tweens/teens allowed to be long time unsupervised around a very young girl?
I hope everyone involved is truly safe.
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c_jane
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 04/06/07
Posts: 1752
Loc: In the Great State of Texas
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[quote] Where's Dad in all this? Why are 2 boy tweens/teens allowed to be long time unsupervised around a very young girl?
I hope everyone involved is truly safe. [/quote]
When my DD was 2 I remarried a man with 2 sons, 10 & 8 years older than my DD. we left them alone all the time together. Not everyone EXPECTS kids to molest each other.
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John Constantine: God's a kid with an ant farm.... He's not planning anything.
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elliesmom
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/07/05
Posts: 8834
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Before I start throwing around the word "molest" I would want to know what happened. Naked show and tell with some touching, while wildly inappropriate, is normal behavior for children. It warrants better supervision with some serious conversations about private areas and respecting others private areas. Maybe some counseling if the older child is a bit TOO old to be doing these things. But in this situation the more YOU freak out the more freaked out your child will be. I have a friend who was fondled at 3 years old by an adult cousin. She has no memory of the molestation event, but she has very vivid memories of how freaked her mom was, how devastated, and how scared and upset her mom made her feel.
It crosses a serious line if oral sex or penetration has occurred. Both criminally and psychologically. It means that more than likely the aggressor is also a victim of someone. And it needs to be dealt with very aggressively. In that case I would contact a local rape crisis center and see what services they can offer. They probably know the best in the field and can offer the best advice.
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Forgiveness is...letting go of the hope that the past can be changed.
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