KSDad76
recently joined
Reged: 06/04/12
Posts: 5
Loc: Kansas City, KS
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Hi,
I am new to this place. I have not ever posted on a divorce forum before. I am hoping someone can help me.
I have been divorced for 3 years. My ex and I were not married very long. We got married because she got pregnant. My family and I thought it was the right thing to do. Big mistake. She is very controlling and bossy and treats me like I should not even be involved in my baby girls life at all.
Our daughter just turned 4. Because of circumstances beyond my control I have not been able to keep up with child support. She thinks just because I owe her money that she can tell me what to do and treat me like crap.I have one other daughter too. She just does not seem to understand that being a single dad of two girls is not easy and I cannot always financially support them. I am a great father and try to be as involved as I can be, when I have time to.
I have always just had standard visitation and taken it when I could take it, but I think I should be allowed to have 50% visitation now that my youngest daughter has gotten a bit older and will be starting school soon. Her mom and I don't live in the same town but we aren't very far from each other and I think my daughter would like to be with me more. she is for sure a daddy's girl. I think any dad who is a good dad should have the right to have their kid more than just every other weekend, right? what do I have to do? Can I file myself or do I have to have a lawyer? Will having 50% custody lower my child support?
Also my mother just retired and I think she should be able to keep my youngest daughter every day instead of having to pay for daycare. My ex does not like this idea and I dont understand why. it would save both of us money. She never has liked my mom and we have had issues with her before but if it saves money it saves money. shouldnt I be able to let my mom watch her every day even on my exes days?
Thanks in advance for any advice. Oh, and we live in Kansas.
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SRS
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 11/05/10
Posts: 2161
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Why didn't you go for 50/50 from the get-go? It is pretty standard in Kansas. Very hard to change custody or even status quo once it is established in KS.
You must take all of your visitation - not just when convenient.
You need to go to the courts and ask for CS to be reduced asap. You do owe that money for your child. She's having to pay for your part of everything. She has a right to be upset about that.
Yes, having 50/50 custody is one way to get your CS lowered. But, the court won't look upon your request favorably. BTDT.
You can't tell her what to do on her time just like she can't tell you what to do on your time. So, your Mom watching the child during her time won't work unless she agrees to it.
Before you post again, SHE didn't get pregnant alone. You and she had intercourse and your daughter was the result. It takes 2 to tango. If this is your 2nd child you should already know that.
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ssmom79
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/27/07
Posts: 7784
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Can you define a few things? For starters do you exercise all of your visitation with your daughter? Why are you behind on support and how far behind are you? These things would come into play if you were requesting additional visitation. She would, I assume, be against that, so do you have supporting documentation of any kind to further your cause?
You say you are in two towns, how far are the towns?
Kansas does have a credit on child support for overnights.
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KSDad76
recently joined
Reged: 06/04/12
Posts: 5
Loc: Kansas City, KS
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[quote]Why didn't you go for 50/50 from the get-go? It is pretty standard in Kansas. Very hard to change custody or even status quo once it is established in KS.
I couldn't have that much time when we divorced. At that time. I worked out of town mostly and my schedule was very sporadic and my ex felt that our daughter needed to be with her more because I did not have a "routine schedule" that she thought our daughter needed. Looking back I think I should have tried for it and at least had her on more days that I was in town. I mean how was I supposed to pay child support if I didn't have a job and I was told I couldn't quit and find one where I lived because the judge wouldn't reduce the support I was paying because it would have been "voluntarily" reducing my paycheck. So I got screwed because I had to work that job to be able to afford the support I was made to pay.
You must take all of your visitation - not just when convenient.
I get that but still. I have a life and things to do to. She gets plenty of free time her family has our daughter probably as much as she does. I don't have family here except my mom and I don't have much family at all so when I have her I have to spend all my time with her. My mom helps a lot I live with her but still.
You need to go to the courts and ask for CS to be reduced asap. You do owe that money for your child. She's having to pay for your part of everything. She has a right to be upset about that.
How can I get a reduction? What do I have to do to get one? People tell me I would not be able to get a reduction unless I have her more or my mom watched her so I wouldn't have to contribute to daycare.
Yes, having 50/50 custody is one way to get your CS lowered. But, the court won't look upon your request favorably. BTDT.
You can't tell her what to do on her time just like she can't tell you what to do on your time. So, your Mom watching the child during her time won't work unless she agrees to it.
So what if my mom watches her on days she's with me can I not pay daycare if I don't have to use it?
Before you post again, SHE didn't get pregnant alone. You and she had intercourse and your daughter was the result. It takes 2 to tango. If this is your 2nd child you should already know that. [/quote]
Well duh. Of course she did not have sex with herself. But still my first ex hardly makes me pay anything my daughters mom shouldn't be so greedy.
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KSDad76
recently joined
Reged: 06/04/12
Posts: 5
Loc: Kansas City, KS
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[quote]Can you define a few things? For starters do you exercise all of your visitation with your daughter?
No but that's only because I can't all the time and if I want to spend time with her on days that "don't belong to me" (her mothers words" she says no.
Why are you behind on support and how far behind are you? These things would come into play if you were requesting additional visitation. She would, I assume, be against that, so do you have supporting documentation of any kind to further your cause?
I have documented it all yeah. I owe several thousand but she gets my taxes every year too so she shouldn't complain. I haven't got tax money in years because she always wants it all and gets it because she's a mother I guess thats how things work here.
You say you are in two towns, how far are the towns?
They are about 25 miles apart it depends on traffic how long it takes.
Kansas does have a credit on child support for overnights. [/quote]
That is definitely good to know I just don't see why I wouldn't e able to have our daughter half the time I'm her parent too like the other girl said it took two to tango and she's just as much mine as her moms.
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Eve
member
Reged: 11/28/05
Posts: 112
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I understand you want more time with your daughter....but, there are a few things I don't understand. One, you say you "cannot always keep up with child support", and you "cannot always financially support them."
So, how will you be able to support your daughter if she lives with you 50% of the time?
You also say you have standard visitation, yet admit you have only taken it when you could get it. I guess that means sometimes you could not pick up your daughter and have her stay with you for some reason or another. Will those reasons that kept you from seeing your daughter during your visitation time keep you from spending time with your daughter and supervising her if she is with you 7 days straight, every other week?
You also say you have had issues with your mom, but you want your ex to let your mom watch your daughter to save money. It would really depend on what those issues are. Does your ex feel your mom would not watch the 4 year old closely? Does your ex feel your mom would just have your 4 year old sit in front of the tv all day? Is your mom a smoker? Not knowing the answers to these and not knowing the issues you had with your mom, maybe your ex has good reasons she does not want your mom watching your daughter, money or not.
If you live as close as say you do, your daughter may be better off with the custody arrangement staying as it is now, but, with you seeing her more often. Perhaps you could talk to your ex about the fact you want to spend more time with your daughter, and take her every other day for a walk or bike ride, or to the park, or to see her grandmother, but continue custody as it is so you will not have to worry about money to feed and clothe her and having to put her with your mom when the things that kept you from seeing her during your visitation pop up again.
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ssmom79
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/27/07
Posts: 7784
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You can't all the time? So what happens when you have 50/50...do you still run into you can't take her all the time? Sorry but you're in for an uphill battle when your answer is you can't. I just don't see a court granting additional time with someone who doesn't exercise the time they have now. So I would start there, exercise all your visitation before you decide you can do a 50/50 plan.
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finz
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/17/08
Posts: 6453
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"Because of circumstances beyond my control I have not been able to keep up with child support"
"I cannot always financially support them"
"try to be as involved as I can be, when I have time to."
"just had standard visitation and taken it when I could"
"Will having 50% custody lower my child support?"
"She never has liked my mom and we have had issues with her before but if it saves money it saves money. shouldnt I be able to let my mom watch her every day even on my exes days?"
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Those comments make it sound like you are more concerned with lowering cs than spending time with your dd
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SRS
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 11/05/10
Posts: 2161
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But still my first ex hardly makes me pay anything my daughters mom shouldn't be so greedy.
----Really. This isn't about Mom being greedy. This is about you supporting children that you helped make. I'd recommend you figure out why you have 2 children with 2 women you aren;t married to and find some way to stop making babies until you can afford to take care of them both physically and financially.
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javajunkiee
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/01/08
Posts: 3154
Loc: SC
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"Well duh. Of course she did not have sex with herself. But still my first ex hardly makes me pay anything my daughters mom shouldn't be so greedy. "
Because one woman gives you a pass on living up to your responsibilities, doesn't mean the other one will, or even should. Look, I get that it's hard supporting two kids - my husband and I do it with almost zero help from the boys mom.
But, your kids, both of them, have the right to be supported by their father - ALL of the time. Not just when you think you can do it. They earned that right the minute you knocked up their mothers.
If you think getting 50/50 is going to lighten your cs load? It could lower the $$ you send out the door, but it'll probably INCREASE the amount of money you spend on your child. Think about it...you can delay writing a check all you want, but when little jenny is tugging on your pants leg begging for dinner, or little jenny has a cold or an ear infection and you have to take her to the doctor (office visit$) and then get prescriptions ($$$)you don't get to put that off. Don't forget little jenny outgrows her clothes every few weeks, and oh yes, dentist visits, and the toy she just HAS to have daddy!
Bottomline, you're not paying the support you're court ordered to pay - strike 1. You want more time when you don't take the limited parenting time you could be taking right now - strike 2.
You have a snowballs chance in Hades of getting 50/50 until the judge sees you putting out every.possible.effort to spend time with and support your child NOW. You don't get a paycheck before you do the work to earn it do you? Same concept.
P.S. Seriously? If you don't want to struggle with 3 cs orders? YOU are the one who needs to make sure you're 'covered', because ultimately YOU are the only one in control of how many kids YOU have.
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Marriage doesn't come with a money-back guarantee.
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