supporter84
recently joined
Reged: 06/25/12
Posts: 15
Loc: Indiana
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I posted this in the parenting forum as well.
Hi all, I've been haunting the forums for a while, but this is my first post. A little background: we've been divorced for a little over 2 yrs. We have 2 kids, d7, s5. I have sole physical and we have joint legal. We are in Indiana.
Due to some things that happened during the divorce and issues my ex had, per our decree he has a 3 hr mid-week time with the kids, and 6 hrs on Saturday or Sunday. We have not been following the decree, we've been doing every other weekend along with the mid-week time for 1 1/2 yrs.
My issue is this: our daughter is diagnosed ADD, and our son is recently diagnosed ADHD. My ex is absolutely against medicating, but I have put both on meds. They are doing excellent, no side effects whatsoever. My ex conveniently "forgets" to give the kids their meds at least 75% of the time. Our s5 is also on allergy meds because he kept getting ear infections, since starting the meds he hasn't had a single one. My ex is ADHD himself but refuses to medicate, he says it's coddling the kids to put them on meds. He does not come to any of the medical appointments, refuses to speak to the doctor about the meds. He doesn't attend parent/teacher conferences.
This past weekend was his weekend, and he didn't give either kiddo a single med, not even allergy meds. He is supposed to be taking them for vacation to his gf's in Seattle WA next week. Due to the constant skipping of meds, and especially forgetting even the allergy meds, I'm not sure that is such a good idea. I know I'm upset about this and need some advice. According to him it's my fault he forgot because they shouldn't be on meds at all. Would I be going overboard by saying no to this or should I let him take them?
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ssmom79
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/27/07
Posts: 7784
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I think you should let him take them. The medications are not for any life threatening illness or disease.
You will need to come to terms with the fact he may not medicate them during his brief time with them. Most ADD and ADHD medications are time released and the medication will build up in their system so a few days off the meds won't cause any negative harm to them.
Refusing to allow them to go would be a bad idea. Even fighting this tooth and nail may result in no satisfaction for you. I do know how you feel, there was a time my SS was on medication for his allergies and his mom just didn't remember to do it. Just not a priority to her. Not that she was maliciously refusing to medicate, just not on her mind.
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supporter84
recently joined
Reged: 06/25/12
Posts: 15
Loc: Indiana
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Thanks ssmom. I appreciate your input. I knew my initial emotional reaction was probably not the right one. It's so frustrating to try to even talk with my ex about this. Every time he turns it and wants to talk about all my "mistakes" instead of what's best for the kids. The kids already have very limited time with him, I don't see being able to live with myself if I would keep them home. I have a week to work with them on reminding dad to give them their meds I guess. I tell ya, if I should happen to forget a med, they are on it and reminding me!
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Avaya
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 02/09/06
Posts: 9816
Loc: Arkansas
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He should take them on vacation.
How about you suggest to him that you will re-evaluate the need for meds IF he will attend their next doctor's appointments with you to hear what the doctors say with an open mind? Perhaps that would help him feel like a part of the decision rather than 'doing what you told him to do'. Granted, he's had the opportunity to go, nobody has stopped him, but maybe he needs a gentle push into how to co-parent and to how this joint custody thing works.
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Eternity is too long to be wrong.
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ssmom79
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/27/07
Posts: 7784
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That is a great idea Avaya!
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M5M5
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/29/05
Posts: 11722
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You should let him take the kids. My son is ADHD and his father doesn't give him his meds either...and he is fine. If he wants to deal with our son unmedicated...more power to him. It makes his life more difficult, not mine. My daughter is also ADHD and she is only medicated on school days (she is on Vyvanse, which only helps her focus and pay attention in class). This is not life or death.
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supporter84
recently joined
Reged: 06/25/12
Posts: 15
Loc: Indiana
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I wish a gentle push towards co-parenting would help. If it's coming from me, it's wrong. It doesn't matter when, where, how...if it's from me, it's wrong and he'll do the opposite just to spite me. I'm hoping once his gf moves out here he'll calm down a little and move on. On the other hand, it could makes things worse. I don't know how to reach him to where it gets through. If I knew that, I don't think we would be divorced. He complains I set the appts for when he's not available, but refuses to tell me his work schedule so it can work for both of us. It's like he's happier by putting me in a no-win situation.
Sorry, I'm so frustrated with the whole situation. It doesn't matter what I do, it's just always wrong to him.
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elliesmom
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/07/05
Posts: 8835
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I agree with everyone else. My SD is ADD and ONLY takes her meds on school days. My DH is not fond of medicating either and SDs doctor offered that it was unnecessary to take the meds on nonschool days. She takes Concerta five days a week during school.
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Forgiveness is...letting go of the hope that the past can be changed.
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