Holdin
recently joined
Reged: 06/25/12
Posts: 3
Loc: Georgia
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I know some of you may want to tell me to mind my own business, and maybe I should, however I can not stand by while my husband is bullied by his ex wife any longer. In October 2009, she dropped their then 3 year old daughter off to us at a park after calling us and saying she couldn't take anymore and was leaving for the army. In actuality, she went to Texas to get married and according to the DOD's website didn't enlist until 8 months later. She has never paid her court ordered child support. My husband has custody as his ex is single and can't have custody as she is unmarried and active duty. She has demanded that their child come back to live with her in the next month against court orders. She claims to have gotten married but will not supply us with the gentlemans name and said he just went over seas for a year. The divorce was granted in Florida and we now live in Georgia. The child's mother is stationed at Ft. Bragg, NC. Will contacting her commanding officer help? And how do we find out who this person is? I want the child to know her mom, but I want everything to be legal. I don't think the army will like it when they find out moms been lying about where the child lives. I have the up most respect for all who defend our country, not who take advantage of it. Any pointers? :confused:
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BeachBabeRN
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 01/16/06
Posts: 3049
Loc: VA for 21 years, NC forever!
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The simple answer to her request is **NO** YOu have a court order in place and the best thing to do is follow it.
Child support delinquency is something that you can bring to a court for enforcement and since she's now military, you will be able to ask that it be paid by allotment, directly out of her paycheck.
There is currently no reason to contact her commanding officer -- if she is collecting pay and benefits based on her child LIVING with her, the military will eventually find out about it.
Who she's married to is irrelevant right now -- are marriage records public information in Texas? Seems to me you could look the information up online.
I will say this though -- you use the word **bullied** and I can't see that it applies here. She can WANT a lot of things but if you follow your court order, you can't be wrong either. And, if you're perceiving that he's being bullied, then perhaps you need to bring that up to your DH and allow him to fix the problem.
Go to court to have your orders moved to your current location as neither of the parties live in the original state and sue her for the child support, sure -- follow your court order for the rest.
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Holdin
recently joined
Reged: 06/25/12
Posts: 3
Loc: Georgia
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Thanks for your time, however I should have been more clear. She did marry in Texas, divorce, move to Kentuky where she married again, divorced, and eventually ended up in Missouri before being stationed in Ft. Bragg, Nc. She has seen her daughter Four times since 2009, each time introducing her to several "uncles". I know her mom would never intentionally harm her and I know she has to be a good woman because her daughter is an amazing kid. Fortunately, the child has only ever been exposed to her father and myself so she does know a "sense of a nuclear family". My,husband and I don't want to get her in a jam, however if we file contempt for the nonpayment of child support, I've read that her superiors will be made aware. I don't know the real truth behind that though. She did call one day though and ask that if we got a call from anyone asking that if the child lived with her that we say yes. What that was about, I still don't know. Her mother told us that she set up a bank account under her name so as to try to avoid automatic child support drafts. I don't want to speak badly of her, she is the mother of my stepdaughter whom I love dearly, Im seeking guidance. Thank you all!
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BeachBabeRN
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 01/16/06
Posts: 3049
Loc: VA for 21 years, NC forever!
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She can avoid her superiors being made aware of her situation with the child support by paying it. It will also bring to light that she may be receiving extra benefits based on a child that doesn't live with her. That's just plain wrong.
In addition, I believe that if she is stating that the child lives with her, the child would be eligible for medical care through the military. What does your court order say about that? At the very least, you could use them as secondary benefits for any uncovered expenses.
If a judge orders that child support be paid by allotment, it never hits her bank, DFAS will automatically deduct it from her pay prior to her receiving it. In fact, I believe that if you send that court order to DFAS directly, that they can set that up themselves -- elliesmom would know more about that than I do.
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SRS
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 11/05/10
Posts: 2161
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If you have a court order for CS, you can send it to DFAS and the CS will be garnished. The CS goes straight from DFAS to the person who gets the CS. No stopping at a bank account.
I'd MYOB on the other stuff. If you start calling commanders she will lose her job which means no benes or CS.
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elliesmom
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/07/05
Posts: 8835
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If you send a copy of the court order to DFAS they will notify her and start garnishing her wages to collect CS. As long as you have an order that is specific enough. If you call DFAS, or check out their website, they can walk you through what you need. They are pretty helpful when it comes to getting CS for people.
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Forgiveness is...letting go of the hope that the past can be changed.
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SRS
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 11/05/10
Posts: 2161
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This is how I got my kids Dad to pay CS, btw. BTDT kind of thing. It did take a couple of months to set it up, but then CS got reliable.
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javajunkiee
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/01/08
Posts: 3158
Loc: SC
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"She did call one day though and ask that if we got a call from anyone asking that if the child lived with her that we say yes. "
Sounds to me like she's flat out defrauding the military by lying to get more money and benefits. My response to her demanding the child come home would be that you have custody, and "oh btw, since you're not living up to your responsibilities to help support the child you gave birth to, we're sending a copy of the order to DFAS so they can start garnishment."
Obviously your approach may not be as harsh as mine; since I have an irresponsible BM in my life, I tend to be a bit** about parents who don't support their offspring.
Bottomline is this woman is in NO position to be demanding a thing when she's defrauding the military and not supporting her own child.
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Marriage doesn't come with a money-back guarantee.
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Holdin
recently joined
Reged: 06/25/12
Posts: 3
Loc: Georgia
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Thank you all so much for your time and advice. My husband and I are both trying to avoid getting her in hot water, so we didn't want to contact her superiors. I did not serve in any branch of the armed forces, although I did complete boot camp and DI school at Ft. Lost-in-the-woods as I am a drill instructor at my local community college for police academies. As members of the armed forces, I'm just curious as to anyone's opinion about basically stealing BHA allowance. I'm pretty sure that's why she requested we say yes if anyone should call and ask if the child resides with us. I find it disgusting.
I wish people would open their eyes to see that the only ones being harmed in the end are the children they use as pawns. Even though my husbands current court order says he is the primary residential custodian, he has to go to the state where his ex currently lives to have a new one drawn up in order for the police to take the child from the home. There is not a child on the planet who should have to go through that.
Thanks again to all of you for your input and time.
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