bruno1
recently joined
Reged: 07/12/12
Posts: 1
|
|
Hi, I am going through a divorce with 4 children. Right now, the ex. and I have temp. joint custody. We were married 7 years before we decided that it just was not working. In the state of Iowa, temp. joint custody is suppose to be EXACTLY 50/50. I have been getting the kids one extra day a week though. The biggest thing now is she has decided to go for primary custody. The original paperwork on the decree said we wanted joint custody. Nothing has changed except for her attitude. She wanted me to sign that paper giving her primary custody but I didn't. She said the reason is because I live 45 min away from their school and I was late getting them there one time due to car problems. I said well, I can still have joint custody even if it is better that they stay with you during school. She exploded and said " that's ridiculous and you are a irresponsible father and now I'm going for full custody. I do love my kids and have never hurt them. I have heard that joint custody is really popular in Iowa but I'm still scared. What should I do, I know I'm going to fight it, but how should i prepare? Any help would be appreciated. NOTE- I think that the reason she is trying for this is because she receives section 8 housing, and numerous other benefits that would be stripped from her if she only has joint custody.....
|
ssmom79
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/27/07
Posts: 7806
|
|
Do you have an attorney? Do you plan to have one? You need to prove why having joint custody is the best for the children. The ideal way is to be positive about yourself, avoid negatives about your ex, and stress the importance of being there for the kids. How long have you been exercising the schedule you have now?
|
youngatheart
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 09/03/05
Posts: 9400
|
|
The first thing I would do is move closer to the kids.
Beyond that, the other poster is right...be positive, take the high road, don't bad mouth your ex. Good luck.
|
ssmom79
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/27/07
Posts: 7806
|
|
Me too YAH, 45 minutes is a long drive to school.
|
finz
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/17/08
Posts: 6497
|
|
Is she working ?
Would she lose section 8 housing alltogether, or would she lose the larger stipend that would allow for bedrooms for the kids ?
Is there a reason that she can't make a decent enough salary to afford adequate housing for her and the kids on her own ?
Will she listen to reason ? If she can't manage adequate housing and you can, sounds like the kids might be better off with you as the primary parent.
If she is disabled and can't work, can she adequately meet the kids' needs ? If she can, is she looking for primary placement to be 'official' to max out her benefits, but might be agreeable to continuing with the current time split ?
Do you think she is trying to milk everyone else for money......and will be gearing up for more cs too ?
I'm not clear from what you wrote if you think she is totally milking the system to get as much as she can because she is too lazy to provide for the kids herself or if there is legitimate need and she is just trying to get what she requires.
I'd try to have a conversation with her about what her goals are......and what your concerns are. You might consider risking trusting her to 'unofficially' keep the same schedule to HELP her out if she has a reasonable plan......so it would behoove of her to have a civilized conversation with you. If she can't justify her 'case' to you.....screw it, do what you need to do to keep your time with the kids.
Sounds like you've been making the 50/50 (or 60/40) work for you. Your time with the kids shouldn't be lost JUST so she can get more public benefits. I think they should be for people who NEED them, not just WANT them to live a little cushier.
Keeping the current status quo should help your case the longer it goes on.
|
elliesmom
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/07/05
Posts: 8835
|
|
Do you have a lawyer?
Honestly I agree with the poster who said you need to move closer. I disagree that the kids being late once is a problem that necessitates them living with her during school. Car trouble happens. You got them to school. I am sure there are situations where she too could have something come up that would cause a tardy.
Honestly I would not insert myself into discussions about her life. How she affords to live is her problem not yours.
I would go in asking for 50-50 custody. Iowa favors this arrangement heavily in that a judge must (if you ask for it) legally explain why it won't work. The fact that you have been doing during your separation and it has worked makes it pretty difficult to rule out. I would also ask that if the judge rules it out that you be given custody. Your lawyer should be able to manage that for you. If you don't have one and are in the central area counties I know a couple that I would recommend. One out of Story and one in Webster, both can travel to adjacent counties.
--------------------
Forgiveness is...letting go of the hope that the past can be changed.
|
Eve
member
Reged: 11/28/05
Posts: 112
|
|
You do need to move closer. But, if she loses the section 8 housing, may that have ramifications for you? You may need to pay more alimony if she loses that, so better think this over.
|
Previous
Index
Next
Threaded
Edit
Reply
Quote
