dreamgirl45
recently joined
Reged: 07/25/12
Posts: 1
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After 18 years of marriage, I finally divorce my husband. A very nice man, but a man who definately did not meet my emotional or physical needs. Lack of communication, sex and intimancy took a toll on and I just couldnt take it anymore. We have two teenage children - 18 and 14. I was so lonely for many years. What I dont understand now is that I am divorce now and still have a major adjustment from the divorce. Is this normal? I had concerns that my ex had struggles with his sexuality. Its so much for me to digest. I just need to know if someone out there understands. I was so unhappy and talked about divorce for so many years, and now that I have it, I'm not happy as I thought I would be. Anyway, please help.
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confused76
recently joined
Reged: 07/30/12
Posts: 2
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I am going through the same thing 19 years together, 16 years married. I cry all the time I know I made the right decision I just didn't think I would hurt this bad.
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finz
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/17/08
Posts: 6481
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Well, are you still alone or are you in a new relationship ?
If you aren't in a new relatuonship yet (and if you aren't ready, that's FINE), then OBVIOUSLY those relationship needs CAN NOT be being met.
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Muhammad
recently joined
Reged: 09/02/12
Posts: 3
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The thing with divorce is that it has many negative effects in the body. Women often become so worried and stressed out from the divorce that they do not realize the constant harm it brings to their body. And eventually you turn from a loving, trusting person to a mean bitter person. That is what Divorce should not do. You should not let divorce change you but see divorce as an opportunity to change yourself. There was a very intelligent book written by Barbara Williams on Divorce and how to avoid self-critiquing thoughts and reprogram your conscious. This book is a very informative and insightful book on why men are able to better cope with divorce than women. But mainly it guides and tells women how and why it is so important to take care of yourself during this vulnerable phase. It is very easy to lose sight during this time and do harmful damage to your mental health and to feed your conscious negative thoughts daily. I was criticizing myself so much after the divorce which resulted in very lowself-esteem and an altered sense of reality. I was being beaten down by my own inner conscious daily which put negative feelings in my body. You can visit the link for more information. [censored]://[censored].amazon.com/dp/B0090OOMLU
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Elaine85
recently joined
Reged: 12/09/12
Posts: 3
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He didn't love me and I didn't love him. He was escalating with his wild tantrums and my young daughters were being taught that't how a man who loves u should treat u. He ran us out of the house and we were one step away from a shelter. He kept threatening a divorce and we (the girls and I) were barely surviving in my mom's tiny living room. I got tired of the threats, crying (which I'm doing right now), and not knowing if tomorrow would be any better. He had his mom's empty condo which is where he's staying now, rent and bill free. What scares me and the part I don't understand is even after the emotional, psychological and verbal abuse that should have left when he did, i'm lonely. Not for him. I was lonely when we were together, but I thought I would be happier now. Finding out i don't enjoy my own company as much as I thought I would. Lost the friends during the relationship; who wants to hang out with the two most miserable people to walk the face of the earth! I'm tired. Exhausted. His hate and venom is unbeilevable! He has his families money and support. He wants the girls to get back at me. y, i don't know. he nver paid any attention to us when we were there, just video games! I'm alone and feel like I have NO support. Tired of crying and trying. Still in the divorce process and his family isn't going to allow it to be an easy one. I want my life back. I want friends. I want to quit crying. I've advocated for lots of people, young and old, where's my advocate? Will this ever end?
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finz
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/17/08
Posts: 6481
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Elaine,
Try calling some of those old friends again.
Try making some new ones.
Don't expect them to MAKE you happy though. YOU need to do that for yourself. Certainly, it sounds like you've got a lot on your plate right now. That can make it a challenge to try to stay positive. You might consider seeing a therapist to help you with trying to be positive with your own self talk. They could also evaluate if a chemical imbalance is part of the problem.
I hope things improve for you.
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