ssmom79
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/27/07
Posts: 7784
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You cannot control her choice to try to 'take custody'. Don't waste your time worrying about what you cannot control.
IF she decided to try to change custody you would simply show the current schedule, how it's working, how it's best for the kids and how changing the schedule would not be in their best interests.
It's possible that at that time you can say that you're tired of her frivolous attempts to chance custody without cause, however it's going to have to take at least two failed attempts before I'd be asking a judge to can her attempts.
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M5M5
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/29/05
Posts: 11722
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If you haven't already, start keeping a journal and document everything (good or bad) that takes places with your children and ex. Our judge praised us on our documentation during our custody trial (we had everything from journals, police reports, pictures, recordings of phone calls between parents..tho if you do this, make sure it's legal in your state, etc).
You can use her past against her...the mental break down & hospitalization, the leaving the child home alone, the arrest. It will not look good on her..and it doesn't seem to have been all that long ago.
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Debi
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 7136
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Before I answer any questions I have to ask......why in the world would you agree to joint physical custody when the woman has been found mentally incompetent????
That out of the way, I can't answer for every state of course but in mine the parent moving away would have to prove how the move would be in the children's best interest. That's not an easy thing to do. Then again I live in a state that is very interested in what is best for the kids, not what's best for either parent.
I don't think in the scenerio you described that a judge would rule in her favor, but unfortunately in family court everything is not black and white and a judge has a lot of leeway in his/her determination.
I do think that you will have a hard time using her mental state as an argument if she spends two years competently caring for the kids. It's smart to try to keep a civil relationship and to act friendly even. The nicer you are the more information she is likely to divuldge. Most people do not get a two year head's up on a potential moveaway. Keep a cool head and file all of the things she says (document precisely on a calendar) for later use. It gives you a huge advantage.
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When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now, I think it's time you kept your promise.
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elliesmom
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/07/05
Posts: 8835
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One other thing - start saving money or building credit so you can get it. A custody trial can easily run 10k, after your lawyer and any expert witnesses, psych evals, you decide you need.
You can't stop her from filing. All you can do is keep records etc. so that when/if she does - you win.
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Forgiveness is...letting go of the hope that the past can be changed.
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lojac999
recently joined
Reged: 07/31/12
Posts: 13
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Well if we're talking about that kind of money then I'm not worried about it. She doesn't have that kind of money and neither do I.
I'm also going to tell her when/if she files, that if she wants to change custody so badly, I'm going to request to the judge that she be responsible for ALL the cost.
But she's a hothead and she gets an idea and will rant about it for awhile and then whenever she feels satisfied she drops it or starts acting sweet again. So I'm not convinced it's ever really going to happen.
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elliesmom
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/07/05
Posts: 8835
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1. She won't need that kind of money. She might need a couple thousand or get away with only 1500 retainer (and you'd be surprised at what some women can get their latest f-buddy to pay for). YOU will need that to make your case ironclad. You might not - but you'd hate to have to forego using an expert because you can't afford it.
2. If (BIG FAT IF) you were able to get her to pay the costs it would be after the fact - reimbursing you. You'd still have to come up with the money to get those people to evaluate and testify. IME Judges generally order legal fees paid based on disparate income - not how good your case is. And its sounds like she could be the one getting legal fees paid - as the by far poorest party.
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Forgiveness is...letting go of the hope that the past can be changed.
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lojac999
recently joined
Reged: 07/31/12
Posts: 13
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I see. Good advice. Truth is, she put up a big stink when this first started last year. And she was vile about it for months. And then when it came down to it...she cooperated and we were able to divorce uncontested because she couldn't afford to go to trial.
And like I said, that's usually her MO. She will raise hell about a thing and then usually doesn't back it up.
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akrkck
newbie
Reged: 03/22/12
Posts: 49
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[quote] She will raise hell about a thing and then usually doesn't back it up. [/quote]
Sounds like my ex-wife :D
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lojac999
recently joined
Reged: 07/31/12
Posts: 13
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Ha ha. But seriously, its quite frustrating how the system is set up to be so biased on the side of the mother. Just because she is the one who actually gave birth, I guess. So that a decent guy has to fight tooth and nail to prove that he is decent, while the mother gets to use her gender (essentially) as her only grounds.
Note to all you mothers and ladies out there - I am a huge feminist supporter. I don't hate women. I just feel like I'm getting screwed by the system for no reason other than because I have a penis.
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