Hpowell
recently joined
Reged: 09/16/12
Posts: 1
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My husband and i have been having some issues and i am thinking of filing for a seperation or divorce. I am not from VA i am from CA and i would like to move home if that happens since i cant support myself here and have no family here at all. Is it better to just move before there is any kind of order or try to get it into the seperation agreement that i can move out of state. Im not even sure i can take care of things financially if i leave him since i go to school ft and have a pt job with 3 kids 5 and under and one with special needs. I just dont want to get into trouble. I am nervous that if i wait for the divorce i will have to stay here with no support and no way to care for my kids for years. Any thoughts? im really not sure what to do. btw husband is telling me to leave and he doesnt care if i take his kids, although i think thats just the anger.
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finz
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/17/08
Posts: 6481
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I think it's wrong to move, even if you need the support of your family elsewhere, unless the stbx is not involved with the kids.
If you are DETERMINED to move.....If he's now TELLING you to go and take the kids with you, I'd take him up on that quickly if I were you. If you can establish a status quo back in CA before he gets going on the paperwork, that may help you. You could also end up having to move back.....meaning you could be ordered to move the kids back to CA.
If you really think he is just saying this in anger now, do you really think it's fair to move the kids ? Do your plans for working/living back in CA include having enough money for YOU to pay to fly all the kids back and forth to VA frequently for visits ? If you move them, you SHOULD be paying the transportation costs. Does your stbx really not care about seeing the kids ?
How long til you are due to graduate ? Any way that you can keep the marriage going that long ? If you MUST get seperated now, your plans for school may get put on hold indefinitely and you'll have to look for full time work.
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Eeovoia
recently joined
Reged: 11/30/12
Posts: 5
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Be careful. He can file an emergency custody order if he wants to have you remain in Va. Otherwise, either parent can take the children if they are biologically both of yours. This can be tricky. I moved aay from MI with the kiddos, but i told my stbx about my intent (that will help to cover yourself legally, esp. if you write a letter) the day before I left town. It is VERY expensive to get a temporary/emergency custody hearing, but if your stbx is wanting custody. If your husband is telling you to leave, then DO SO. I left to go back home too where I had support. The stbx eventually followed. Same situation. He had everything in MI, a dream job, everything he ever wanted. There was nothing there for me. I wanted to be back home. Now we are playing "the waiting game" as my home state has the waiting period of 180 days to re-establish residency (unless you had a mailing address back in CA, or some other proof that you maintained residency in that state, you might not have to wait as long). It is difficult with minor children. Make sure you are willing to do whatever it takes and have the support necessary back in CA to move. Save your money, divide your acocunts. You will need to be wise with three (I also have three, my eldest just turned 6). Good luck and God Speed. P.S. it is fair to move the children if you are the sole custodian and mother & are looking out to provide for them on your own and you are serious about divorcing your husband. You have to act as a single parent. You haveing the financial means to support your three children IS fair. He can decide what he would like to do. "fair" is an extremely SUBJECTIVE term. Not a legal one.
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