natural123
recently joined
Reged: 09/18/12
Posts: 1
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I've been married for 7 years and we have two young boys (5 and 1). My husband is basically a functioning alcoholic who smokes and becomes verbally abusive. He has a history of severe physical abuse as a child and thankfully, he has never physically hurt our children. He is actually a great father to our boys. The problem is he is a horrible husband who resents me and does not respect me. We haven't been physically intimate for almost a year. He constantly reminds me of my faults, yells at me, swears at me, and basically tells me I'm incompetent...all in front of our children. He finds faults with everyone and is easily annoyed and frustrated with random strangers when we are in public. It's embarrassing. I don't want to bring him around my friends because he acts like an a$$ at times. I've been trying to pick my battles and stay in the marriage for the children. However, my older son is in Kinder now and he is being picked on. I worry that he sees the way his father treats me and think it's okay for others to treat him that way. This above all else is making me seriously think about divorce. I can go on and on about the faults my husband sees in me. I'm not perfect but I gave up drinking and I've sacrificed my own happiness for my children, which he does not see nor appreciate.
I'd love some advice.
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finz
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/17/08
Posts: 6481
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I can tell you from personal experience that kids can be influenced in how they treat others by what they see at home. I see it with my boys, who are teens now.
Realize that lack of respect comes from BOTH your husband's words/actions in how he treats you/others AND your reaction to that behavior. If you 'take it'.....your boys will note that you 'take' crappy behavior.
You sound like you are coming to a crossroads on this earlier in your marriage than when 'light dawned' on me. You can sense how this is going. Nothing will change unless you MAKE it change. I would confront your husband about working on his problems with alcohol and your marriage. Individual counseling can help you come to terms with what you should do moving forward.
You can't make your husband change his behavior. You can change your actions and teach your children what you consider to be reasonable treatment and how you manage intolerable situations.
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