justdontknow
recently joined
Reged: 11/05/12
Posts: 2
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I dont want to get into the history of me and my ex and why we split in this post but ill say that it was as mutual as a divorce can get.
So basicly why im here is for a few reasons and would like some insight. First I love my freedom that I have now and truely am more happy now except for the few times late at night when i feel alone. And what adds to that is i have basicly lost all my friends to her. which leads to another issue. The group of friends she is hanging out with were all my old coworkers that i introduced her to. Within that group is a guy i used to call a friend that since we split she is hanging out with alot and knowing both of them i believe they are hooking up as do most in that group. one friend told me that when they are confronted about how much time they spend together they get upset and very defensive.
so...is my anger towards that the possibilty of that guy and my ex hooking up any sign that i want to be with her or is it just a natural reaction?
Second question is this: i am much happier and tell myself this was the right choice to split now with my freedom and chance to keep my career (she wanted me to give it up because she didnt like how many hours i worked). but when im alone with myself i do miss her and wonder if i should try to reach out to her. so am i lieing to myself that im better off or is this just normal because i dont have someone to talk to all day?
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annieo
veteran
Reged: 07/07/10
Posts: 1413
Loc: Pacific Northwest
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I'll tell you this much - I have a friend who is in the process of divorce and her husband of 20 years decided he wanted "freedom" she was so heartbroken and did not understand - her husband worked a lot too and where he worked women would flirt with him and so he thought the grass was greener and instead of watering his own lawn he got his own place and the flirting was just that flirting. Now he wants to go back but she said no way as much as she would like her marriage back she realizes that there were problems she ignored and she is working through it and is becoming happy - happier then she has been in years.
My point is you are feeling lonely and want to go back to what is comfortable or a "habit" you would be better served moving forward and allow her the time to move forward as well.
Worrying about her being with someone else serves no purpose. Maybe you are angry because she enjoying her freedom too and in times of loneliness people tend to look back and also tend to forget why they wanted their freedom and the comfort of what once was is attractive but that doesn't mean it is right to go back.
Are there children involved?
Who wanted the divorce?
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justdontknow
recently joined
Reged: 11/05/12
Posts: 2
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There are no children involved thank god. and we both actually wanted this. We both figured out we were never going to make each other happy. She wanted me to change who i was down to the core and i wanted her to be the girl she was when we first started dating.
I know its not my concern who she sleeps with but it still hurts to know she is sleeping with someone i used to call a friend.
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finz
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/17/08
Posts: 6481
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"First I love my freedom that I have now and truely am more happy now except for the few times late at night when i feel alone"
"so...is my anger towards that the possibilty of that guy and my ex hooking up any sign that i want to be with her or is it just a natural reaction?"
"but when im alone with myself i do miss her"
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Only you can answer the question.......Do you really miss HER or do you miss having someone (anyone) there during the quiet times ?
Are you upset that she is with someone else ? Is the real trigger that her new 'friend' is an old/former friend of yours ? Or is the real issue that she may have 'found' someone....at least that the 'public' is aware of.... before you found someone ?
The facts that you only think about missing her when you are lonely and there is a jealousy factor lead me to suspect you might just be missing a significant other.....and not THAT significant other.
Why not give yourself plenty of time to figure it out ?
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enigma82
recently joined
Reged: 01/05/13
Posts: 2
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I am going through tthe same thing. Me and my wife currently going through the motions of divorce. Setting everything up and seperating accounts and such. I do miss her a lot. I did not want the divorce but she wants 'time to grow'. I still have to see her a few times a week and its one of the worst feelings. As long as we dont communitce too much its okay. But once we start talking she starts crying and I get all emotional too. Its so confusing. I like my space, I dont really get that lonely feeling. I see her happy and it makes me happy but makes me kinda sad too. So I understand what you are saying. It takes time. How much time I dont think anyone has the answer to that.
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akrkck
newbie
Reged: 03/22/12
Posts: 49
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[quote]"We both figured out we were never going to make each other happy. She wanted me to change who i was down to the core and i wanted her to be the girl she was when we first started dating."[/quote]
I went through the same thing, but I let her change me and it made me miserable. People change and grow over time. It's human nature. If she can't accept you for who you are and you can't accept her for who she's become, it will never work. It made me very jealous to know my ex was sleeping with someone else, but it was an "in the moment" reaction because my life/marriage was in shambles and I just wanted things to go back to the way they used to be. As miserable as I was, I wanted the familiarity, normalcy, habit, etc....that I was used to because it was better than what I was going through after we separated.
In time, I realized the love had been gone for a long time and once I was able to "be me" again, I was happy. I don't think about her and I could care less who she's sleeping with or what she's doing in life.
You're living "in the moment" since everything is so fresh with you guys. It will take time, but eventually you'll realize you made the right decision.
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