ALoren
recently joined
Reged: 10/23/12
Posts: 13
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First, I appreciate the feedback that I've gotten here from previous postings and wanted to again say thanks. Two, I am reading alot of the other posts as well and simply benchmarking and taking "notes" along the way. Three, I just wanted to share my recent dealings and see what I was doing right or wrong...
Connecticut.
Divorce papers served to me October 13, 2012.
Since then...
1) Joint bank account still active. She and I have arranged for her to W/D $1,500 a month, bi-weekly (700/800) in furtherance of maintenance/CS. While there is no written agreement, it is my intention to consider this money CS/Alimony...see below for recent attorney actions.
I have near 100% faith that she would not take additional money out of this account since she knows I have my own bills to pay, ie maintain the jointly owned home etc. In effect, she has communicated she is not going to do anything dishonest. I believe this. We mutually agree to discuss financial issues...that may arise along the way. In fact, I dropped her a little extra cash for her B-day that just passed.
Overall, she is not the kind of person to go do all kinds of ridiculous spending. In regard to me...I am just paying my bills, getting skinny and "working" and tweaking my budget...stuff nerdy guys like me do!
I have noticed she still buys cigarettes and wine (makes me unhappy)and has bought some clothes...to me, this looks as if things are "working".
Both attorneys are aware of this agreement and mine receives emails with copies of said transactions.
The amount slightly exceeds what CT state guidelines dictate for CS. Also, I am averaging 10-12 days with my two boys per month and there is no current arrangement for an exception to this amount....for the time being.
2) Albeit minimum payments, I am two months into paying her credit card bill that she used to retain her attorney. Copies are sent to my atotrney. When I can gauge how involved negotiating will be for this divorce, I will then W/D from my 401(k) in order to pay the amount of attorney fees in full...hers, not mine.
3) Visitation is working well...we exchange, fill up each others gas tanks and have yet to have any issues.
As a result of our dealing in the last two months, her attorney has withdrawn the pendente lite motions for CS, etc. I have been told this through herself and my attorney...just waiting for the website to pull down the info. But again, she called her attorney, told him I was cooperating and my attorney told me this himself. So I am guessing this is a "good" thing? I presume that once this "pull down" is accomplished, the plaintiff and attorney cannot reneg?
My questions are: Do you think it is a bad idea to continue having a joint bank account? Am I "screwing" myself by giving her the money by simply "letting" her w/d from a joint account? Am I technically "giving", but not really? I assume since her lawyer is happy, then I should be as well? Again, I work, she is a stay-at-home.
Also, I know this is only two months in...but my Wife and I are getting along very well...I know this can change at a moments notice...while we live seperately, we are seeing alot of each other...doing dinner at each others house and gearing up for the holidays. We have been doing alot of emotional talking as well.
My point, I guess, is that things seem to be going well and that what we both needed was time and space away from one another...which is acutally making us ( I think ) grow closer. So far, she has not rejected me in any way, nor have a shunned her. Granted, I am still waiting for a bomb to drop...but if this keeps going like this, I think we can certainly handle it!!!
Edited by ALoren (12/03/12 10:42 AM)
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ssmom79
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/27/07
Posts: 7806
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Yes you are potentially screwing yourself for a few reasons, 1) she can at any time take more than she is 'allowed' and you have no recourse 2) she can easily say that money was not for maintenance/support/etc and then request you pay her again. I'm not saying it WILL happen, I'm saying it's in the realm of possibility and all it takes is a pissed off woman to get to that possibility. You may NEVER have an issue. I'm married to someone who was burned, badly. So I always err on the side of caution. Things can be doing well today but change tomorrow.
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