95jersey
recently joined
Reged: 12/05/12
Posts: 3
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First, I want to work out our issues before even thinking about divorce. We have been married for 12 years. As with most marriages, things started well, but after my autistic son was born, things have deteriorated significantly. Long story short. I am tryin to understand what my wife is entitled to.
I am the bread winner, out of 12 years, she has only worked maybe 3-4 of those years and only making $6 per hour at some part time job. I suppport her and my child 100%. I on the other hand make $175k per year. I pay EVERY bill, bought every car, pay every medical bill, EVERYTHING FOR THE LIFE OF THE MARRIAGE! On top of paying for everything, I give my wife $1200 per month in spending cash. The house is in my name ALONE. All cars and other assets are in my name.
What is my wife entitled to in this scenario? I don't hate her and want to be fare, but in all honesty it was my money and work that carried us for the past 12 years. She has sat around and has done nothing, which is a large part of our maritial problem. We have an 8 year old child.
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ssmom79
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/27/07
Posts: 7806
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Depends on your state. The assets acquired during your marriage, no matter who's name they're in, will likely be divided equitably between you both. There could be some recourse for you if there are assets you owned prior to your marriage and you've kept them separated the entire time....however, I could see a lawyer could have a field day with you.
Your disparity in income will likely result in alimony of some kind and depending on who cares for the child, some support will be in order, and depending on the health of your child, it could be ordered for longer than the typical child support length of time.
Who has been caring for the child? Your spouse? Because caring for a disabled child can be a full time job and to imply that she has done nothing can be pretty insulting.
You are a wealthy person, you should invest a few dollars in a meeting with an attorney who is knowledgeable in your state.
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95jersey
recently joined
Reged: 12/05/12
Posts: 3
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My child has mild autism, no physical disability. For the most part he is like any other kid, just has some autistic quirks. He is no more difficult to manage that an ordinary child for the most part. I live in NJ. We both care for the child, but obviously I work full time.
I work from home and I see my wife sitting on the couch watching TV MOST of the day doing nothing. My house is dirty from not being cleaned and I barely get a dinner after work. If I ask for a favor she tells me to F myself. But, I didn't post to complain about her or to make my problems public. I would like to have custody, but I assume that will be unlikely as I see most judges award custody to the mother regardless. She has MAJOR anger issues, but not sure what I could prove.
So is it safe to assume that all assests will be divided 50/50 or because I make a lot of money she may get more than half? I understand child support and alimony. This may sound crazy, but I would rather give her 100% of the house and all my savings, but no alimony. She can have everything, because from my perspective, I can build myself back up within a few years and would rather have financial independance from her.
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ssmom79
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/27/07
Posts: 7806
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You can always come to an agreement without alimony. Would she take 100% of the home and savings in lieu of alimony? Like a settlement up front sort of thing? If she is not working and doesn't want to work, this could entice her to agree.
NJ is NOT a 50/50 state as far as distribution of assets. Rather than say split it in half, these are the factors they use to determine what is 'fair' and I use that term loosely.
There are many factors that a court takes into consideration when it determines how to equitably distribute the marital assets. The factors are the following:
1. The duration of the marriage;
2. The age, physical and emotional health of the parties;
3. The income of property brought to the marriage by each party;
4. The standard of living established during the marriage;
5. The existence of any written agreements made by the parties before or during the marriage concerning an arrangement of property distribution.
6. The economic circumstances of each party at the time the division of property becomes effective.
7. The income and earning capacity of each party, including educational background, training, employment skills, work experience, length of absence from the job market, custodial responsibilities for children, and the time and expense necessary to acquired sufficient educational training to enable the party to become self-supporting at a standard of living reasonably comparable to that enjoyed during the marriage.
8. The contribution by each party to the education, training or earning power of the other.
9. The contribution of each party to the acquisition, dissipation, preservation depreciation or appreciation of the account or value of the marital property, as well as the contribution of the party as a home make.
10. The tax consequences of the property distribution to each party.
11. The present value of the property.
12. The need of a parent who has physical custody of a child to own or occupy the marital residence and to use or own the household effects.
13. The debts and liability of the parties.
14. The need for creation, now or in the future, of a trust fund to secure reasonable foreseeable medical or education costs for a spouse or child.
15. The extent to which a party deferred achieving their career goals.
16. Any other factors which the court may deem relevant.
You could ask for 50/50 custody since you are able to work from home and then share your child between you both. I would not see why asking for full custody would be relevant. A child needs both parents if they're able.
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95jersey
recently joined
Reged: 12/05/12
Posts: 3
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So in otherwords, I am screwed. Since she has done basically nothing with herself career wise, aquiring skills sets, and simply relied on me 100% for everything, most likely it sounds like I will need to continue providing that lifestyle to her, at least till my son is 18? At least that is how I read between the lines. I have asked her to go back to college multiple times, get trainning to become a medical tech, seomthing, and that I would pay for it...she just did nothing. Classic case of being taken for a ride. Thanks for the advice. Kind of sounds like I may be better staying married and just dealing with it, even though she will never change.
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imdoneandmovinon
recently joined
Reged: 01/07/13
Posts: 1
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i have a question and no one will help. im gettin ready to file, when i do im moving but there are kids involved. can i move out of state with kids or do i have to stay in state?
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finz
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/17/08
Posts: 6481
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You will usually get more answers if you start your own thread instead of burying your question in an old thread, imdone.
Both because the General Divorce Issues forum here is innundated with spam and because your question is actually a Child Custody one....you would be better off posting in that forum.
Adding basic info, like what state you live in, what the current custody and visitation arrangement is, if your stbx agrees with your moving the kids, how far the distance will be after the move, whether or not you plan on providing the transportation to let the kids enjoy their time with the NCP, etc, will all help you get an answer more specific to your case.
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