nottobe
recently joined
Reged: 12/26/12
Posts: 5
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I am 50 and currentoly in the process of ending a twenty five year marriage. We have one child in college and one in her second year of High School. We have no assets to fight over. House is upside down and just barely keeping lights on. I own my own business and some months fall behind some catch up but never get ahead. Now my wife wants a plan from me to have us live seperately by jan 1 or she said she will have her attorney take measures to have me removed. The fact is the only reason we live at a middle class level is becuase I fix everything myself, do everything myself and work extra jobs on top of my business to keep from going under. I have asked her to live together divorced until child is at least our of high school but she wants no part. The way our mortgage is structured there is no way I can rent for cheaper then paying right now even though it is interest only payments. At best we both end up in low income welfare houseing I hate to do that to my daughter. How can I make a plan that is not possible , lost and confused any input would help.
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javajunkiee
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/01/08
Posts: 3158
Loc: SC
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File first, ask for her to be removed and for you to get custody. I hope your wife works, because if she doesn't and you're ending a 25yr marriage, you're going to be paying alimony on top of child support.
Right now you have an idea of how bad it could be, but you've not even scratched the surface. You need a lawyer and you need one FAST.
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Marriage doesn't come with a money-back guarantee.
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hanzblinx
enthusiast
Reged: 08/13/10
Posts: 380
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The plan is she gets a job. Send that to her along with a port-a-potty and camping tent.
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nottobe
recently joined
Reged: 12/26/12
Posts: 5
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Too late she already filed. We agreed originally to live together two years until our daughter was in college then sell house and live seperately. Thisngs changed when after amny times of having arguments and her slapping me scratching me or threating to throw [censored] at me i lost it and het her back. Not hard did not leave marks just tried to stop her from flailing at me with nails nad fist. of course in hindsight i think that was her plan because instead of running for cover she immediatley woke my daughter syaing daddys hitting me, my daughter later said to me so what she hits you all the time. Then she went to dr who could not find anything but she had a mysterious pain in her head and he suggested a test she declined. Then a week later she tried the same thing only instead of hitting back i called the cops on her. She left before they came but now has to appear in court for assualt charges. I never really intended it to go that far but when officer saw scratch on my chest he said I had no say so in matter and he filed report. Since then we talked and she informed mw that if i did not move out then she would take measures to have me put out. Originally I was fine with leaving as being with her was pure misery and i did not want my duaghter to see this interaction daily but since then I relized the financial reality of the situation and have tried to tell her that but she will not listen in any way. She only cares about herself and nothing about anyone else.
Not sure what to do at this point.
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Debi
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 7139
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It sounds as if one of you will have to leave. it's so unhealthy for your child to be mixed up in this situation and being put in the middle of both parents. I'm not even sure a judge would allow you stay in the same house physically abusing each other with a child in the home.
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When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now, I think it's time you kept your promise.
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MinnesotaMom
member
Reged: 01/05/11
Posts: 193
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How come he would have to leave when she has the assault charges against her, and if he gets any kind of attorney, he could probably get a restraining order against her now just with the pending charges? I don't get it.
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Debi
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 7139
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I didn't say he needs to leave. I said one of them probably should. He's not concerned about WHO leaves as much as neither of them leaving for financial reasons. He doesn't WANT a restraining order.
In the mean time the poor kid is stuck in the middle watching her parents be physically abusive to each other. IMO they both have issues and should be divorced and living separately.
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When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now, I think it's time you kept your promise.
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gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30354
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I don't think it is fair to label HIM as an abuser, as per his statement, "Thisngs changed when after amny times of having arguments and her slapping me scratching me or threating to throw [censored] at me i lost it and het her back. Not hard did not leave marks just tried to stop her from flailing at me with nails nad fist." He ONLY struck her in an attempt to STOP her repeated attacks. That does not make him ABUSIVE, as you have the right to DEFEND yourself.
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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Debi
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 7139
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Right becacuse we know ONE side of the story is always gospel. I said they were physically abusive to each other and they were. If there was no abuse on his part it makes it doubly wrong that he would want to put his child through being stuck in the middle to save a few bucks. It's not that she wants him to leave and he wants her to leave. Its that she wants him to leave and he wants NO ONE to leave. Obviously they can not co exist peacefully together. Hopefully his wife will realize that while she can't make him go he can't make her stay and will get th hell out before the teenager is ruined for life.
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When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now, I think it's time you kept your promise.
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gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30354
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"Right becacuse we know ONE side of the story is always gospel. I said they were physically abusive to each other and they were."
No, he, per the ONLY statements we have to go on, was DEFENDING himself. To say he MUST be lying because some do, means you need to call EVERY story on here into question from the get go. We believe stories until something comes up that proves otherwise, there is no such thing here.
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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