enbowen
recently joined
Reged: 02/01/13
Posts: 1
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I have been married for 12 years. My wife and I have a beautiful, smart, funny 7 year old daughter we adopted from China when she was 1. As with most Chinese adoptions, our daughter was abandoned at birth. My wife has decided she does not want to be married to me anymore, and is divorcing me. I know no specific reason why. There has been no adultery and no abuse. I have pleaded with her to attend marriage counseling with me, as has our daughter's therapist. She refuses. I do not want the divorce. Here is my dilemma. I do not want to blame the divorce on my wife to my daughter, but it is vitally important to me that my daughter know I did not surrender time with her voluntarily. I don't want her to think I'm someone else who prioritizes myself over her, or abandons her. And I don't want to participate in the lie that this divorce by mutual consent. What can I tell my daughter?
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BeachBabeRN
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 01/16/06
Posts: 3049
Loc: VA for 21 years, NC forever!
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Right now? It's all grown up stuff -- creating and keeping the relationship with your daughter is far more important than her knowing any **truth** now. For every **truth** you tell her, your STBX will tell her another one.
Stay on the high road, reassure her of your love, support and involvement, prove those things to her and leave the **truth telling** until she is an ADULT. She's still a baby....let her be one.
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c_jane
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 04/06/07
Posts: 1759
Loc: In the Great State of Texas
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Have YOU tried asking for primary custody? I'm thinking Mom is ready for the party life, and if you presented her with 'you'll be tied down with our daughter and babysitters, etc., etc. Maybe it would be better if *I* took daughter so you could party."
worth a shot anyway. Then you wouldn't have any 'explaning about loss of time' to the child.
--------------------
John Constantine: God's a kid with an ant farm.... He's not planning anything.
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Goodmom
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 06/17/07
Posts: 2018
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So, just what is the truth? What you think or what your stbx thinks? The truth is usually somewhere in the middle. BTW, your stbx is not 100% percent to blame for your marriage ending. No one person is.
Keep your kid out of it. Even when she is an adult.
Loss of time is a fact of life for BOTH parties of a divorce when kids are involved. Unless, of course, one of you takes off for parts unknown and never sees the kid. Which, hopefully, neither of you will do.
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