plantstrongdad
recently joined
Reged: 02/06/13
Posts: 1
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I used that subject line to get your attention on this subject. I am a retired naval aviator from May of 2012. I live in Oklahoma and have had temporary sole custody of my 2 children since Nov 2010. While i was still active duty in Texas, my wife and 2 children were living in our home in Oklahoma. Her reason for being here was to get established with a good job and continue her college classes. Up to Sep 2010, i thought everything was ok with our marriage. She texted me in Sep and told me that she wanted a divorce and that she was leaving the house immediately. Of course i inquired as to why and she stated that she wanted to do her own thing and make her decisions solely. I immediately came to Oklahoma to see what was really going on. She had completely emptied the entire house except for my clothes in the closet, an old mattress and the kitchen table. It turns out that she found herself a new man. He was 25 years old and my wife was 38 at the time. She allowed me to see the kids while i was on leave. My 14 year daughter confessed to me that in Jul 2010, Mom took her to a bachelor party and had her strip naked for 4 hours. After the party, my wife paid my daughter 176 dollars for her performance. My wife threatened my daughter by telling her that if i ever found out about it, that i would hate my daughter forever.
Reported to DHS the next day!
I reatained an attorney the next day.
DHS investigates and reports to the police.
NOV 26 2010, My daughter spoke with the judge and temporary sole custody with no visitation awarded.
Police investigate for 1 year and 8 months
JUL 7 2012- Wife arrested for felony child abuse
JAN 3rd- Wife waives pre-trial hearing
APR 15 2013- Felony trail docket is set
I wont get into detail about all the other bad things this woman has done but this one is the icing on the cake. Everything i have found on the internet has the military member abusing the children or the non military spouse. God bless all these non military spouse and children for enduring hardships such as abuse while married to a military member. The USFSPA and military law is in place to serve its purpose and to protect you as it should.
My whole situation is the reverse! I married my wife in JUL 1995 and separated in SEP 2010. That's roughly about 15 years. My first priority is to protect my children from her. To effectively do that, i need to wait for her felony conviction. After her conviction, i will proceed with the divorce. My second priority is to protect my military retired pay. This is what i pay all my bills with. House, electric, car, food and clothes etc... (Note: The wife has paid ZERO support for my children to this day since i was awarded temporary sole custody on NOV 2010.)
Back to the matter at hand. Even though my wife slept with 8 men behind my back (6 of which she admitted to in the Divorce Discovery questions) pimped my 14 year old daughter out to a bachelor party. Administered prescription drugs to my 10 year old son at night so that he would not see all the bad stuff going on in my home while she was throwing partys. Committed fraud, still waiting for the PD to finish that investigation. Thats not everything but i will keep it short. Under USFSPA rules, the state courts are "ALLOWED" not mandated but "ALLOWED" to treat military retirement as marital property. Being married to her for 15 years while active duty puts her at about 37.5 percent of my military retirement. That equates to $1162.00 a month with an avergae of 2.2% raise for the rest of her life!!! When she re-marries and i know she will because she is going to marry the man she has been with for 2 years now. (NOTE: He is one of the men she cheated on me with) She will continue to recieve 37.5 percent of my retirement. She will not qualify for medical because she doesnt meet the 20/20/20 rule. Her SBP will be cut off as soon as i get the divorce papers in hand. Who knows what will happen in this unique situation!!!! Will she get her 37.5%, Will the court consider her felony conviction in the divorce when they are looking at marital property. Will the court decide that my retirement is solely my property considering the circumstances. USFSPA was designed to protect the non-military spouse and children. Where is the law that protects the military member and his children. What do you guys think. Do you think she earned her benefits from my 20 years of service? I served my family and country with love, honesty and integrity for 20 years. She did none of the 2!!
In addition to pursuing half of my retirement, she wants full custody of the kids, the house that she abandoned, alimony, retroactive support payments back to when i filed for divorce, My VA disability and any future child support payments if she gets custody of the children. WOW!!!!! Note: she has Borderline Personality Disorder with Narcissism. Didnt figure that one out until i was separated from her. People with BPD are VERY DANGEROUS people!!!
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Goodmom
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 06/17/07
Posts: 2018
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Your stbx is not living in reality. With the documentation that you have, she is not getting custody.
As for your retirement, that's an asset. And she just may end up with a portion of it. Be sure to have it used when calculating child support and ask that the child support be garnished from her payments.
What does your attorney say about waiting for the conviction? Personally, I would think the fact that she has charges pending and the nature of those charges would be enough that custody will remain with you.
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elliesmom
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/07/05
Posts: 8835
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I don't think you need to worry about custody. What is her current visitation look like?
It is likely she will walk away with a portion of your retirement. Crimes that would cause you to lose your retirement have no bearing on whether your spouse gets theirs.
First - I would recommend you get involved. Check out ulsg.org
Second start preparing your arguments. One my husband made successfully with his ex was that she stopped earning "her part" of his retirement when she stopped being faithful (or at least when he could PROVE she started screwing around). You will have the opportunity to also back that up with(if the judge disagrees) "how about she stopped earning it when she started abusing our kids?" She is not going to have any fans in court. At a minimum I would ask that you don't pay her any part of your retirement until her CS is paid in full and if the kids go to college - you continue to retain her portion to cover that as well.
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Forgiveness is...letting go of the hope that the past can be changed.
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