Danda
recently joined
Reged: 02/17/13
Posts: 1
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I have been divorced since August 2012. Ex wife was a genuine thoughtful person, she came from a less fortunate background and was less exposed than I was. I have known her for 4 years before our marriage, we got engaged few times prior to finally get married. I was always hesitant about that marriage. After 2.5 years of marriage I decided to divorce, we have a beautiful 1 year old baby boy. Our life was quiet, uninteresting, somehow segregated, I used to travel alone for fun and leave her with my child. There was barely communication, and I never enjoyed her company. Sex was virtually non existent. Right after my split I've met someone that is suitable for me in every respect, I was very attracted to her and fell in love and felt I was ready to move on, we are now engaged and ready to be married. The guilt of leaving my ex and my child behind is unbearable. I thought that I could move on quickly, as time is getting closer, I feel bad for my ex as she did nothing wrong, there was no specific reason why I left her, it was just too depressing. I now see my child once a week, but can't get over my guilt to what I have done. I know that my current fiancé is suitable for me but the fact that my ex did not move on hurts me, cuz I have hurt her a lot. I am good to her, I pay my dues, I have no financial constraints. What should I do now? It crosses my mind to get back to my ex for the sake of my child and the fact she did nothing wrong. But I know that my current fiancé is the one for me. Though sometimes I know that things might not be perfect, decisions has to be taken under circumstances. Please advise
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BeachBabeRN
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 01/16/06
Posts: 3049
Loc: VA for 21 years, NC forever!
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One word -- rebound.
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Anything4Love
journeyman
Reged: 10/09/11
Posts: 60
Loc: Virginia
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Forgive yourself. That, and time, are the only ways to move on. Life is short, and you deserve to be happy, not saddled to someone who cannot make you happy. In turn, she deserves someone who loves her 100 percent and makes her happy, and she cannot be free to find that person unless you let her go.
It's not easy, I know. But it sounds like you did the right thing, in the long run, for everyone's sake and you should try to forgive yourself.
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Karen1
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 1794
Loc: Ohio
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The word rebound makes me something the facilitator told me when I first went to Divorce Support group. That 13 week session ended up being the facilitator and I so I went one more time about 2 years later and found i looked at things in a different way. That first 13 week session she told me that first romance right after separating from a spouse, if entered into too soon, (rebound) is like novacaine, it deadens the pain but the ache is still there and returns when the novacaine wears off. I often read for every five - six years in a realtionship it can take one year to recover; i figured my 30 years was going to take about 5-6 years and it did.
The bottom line is that you should do what feels right to you. Forget the guilt part and think about what you want for you and do that. A divorced parent who is not with the child full time can still be a good and great parent. But if you are unhappy you could end up being a bad parent and how would that benefit your child?
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"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened".
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