workingonmyself
recently joined
Reged: 03/03/13
Posts: 6
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I initiated my divorce after 15 years. We still love each other, however, I have a boyfriend and he has stated that he does not want my boyfriend to ever be alone with our child, live with us or spend the night. I know this is out of anger but I have respected his wishes. We are filing for divorce, joint custody and a parenting plan. I know that he will put those stipulations in place. I eventually plan on living with him. I have full custody of my child. My husband wants to have that control over my life and I do not want hime to have any. This is all so scary. Even if I did not have a boyfriend, I know that the decision was the correct things to do. I am scared that my husband is plotting against me. We have allot of debt together and he is willing to take a loan to pay it off so that we are both free and clear from the debt. We have no assets. We have two children, one minor child. My older daughter hates me now and is still living at home not treating me well. She is moving out soon. I will have joint custoday but my little one will live with me. She has ASD and I have been her sole care giver. Now my husband sais he wants to spend as much time with her as possible and I support that. He want to take her next weekend but zoe told him that she does not want to go. He looked so hurt and sad. I spoke with zoe in front of her dad saying what could be different this time than last weekend that would make you want to stay. We all came up with a solution. I felt so sad for my ex. I am not one of those moms that would ever say anything bad about my husband to my children or anyone else. I am worried that he will feel that I am saying something to her. The reality is that he never did anything with her when we were together so now he just feeds her junk food and they watch tv. She is bored at her dad's house but that is not under my control. I encouraged him today to do fun things with her so she will look forward to going to his house. I want him fully involved in her life even though he was not when we were married. I am so scared that he will file for full custody, however, in Idaho, judges rarely grant that. He would have to have me deemed unfit. And I am not. Any advice or coorespondance would be welcome. So new to this. He just moved out 10 days ago. Thank you.
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javajunkiee
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/01/08
Posts: 3158
Loc: SC
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Honestly, you should be scared. Your actions are not going to look good in court. Not at all.
I'm not quite sure what advice you're asking for with your post, but I would highly suggest you slow down if not end your affair. Your husband could quite justifiably point out to the judge that you should not get full custody because your actions demonstrate a lack of stability.
Also, I bet if you ask him, at this point he likely could care less who you sleep with, as long as his kids are safe. He's not trying to control YOU, he's trying to control who his kids are exposed to. If the roles were reversed, would you not be concerned about a stranger being so close to your children?
The status quo is changing on how you BOTH will parent. You will end up having to lose time to him, and he will have to learn how to step up more.
I have to say, he moved out TEN days ago, no divorce is filed, yet you are already have a boyfriend who you just know you're going to "eventually" move in with. If you don't think that will look horrible for you in court, you should think harder.
BTW, if he takes out a loan for those debts? It's still a marital debt and those are usually split. Considering your actions, a judge may think its fair to make you pay 1/2 no matter what your STBX has agreed to.
I realize this response is harsh, but you seriously need a wake up call. This is nothing compared to what you could get from a judge; a judge who will control the outcome of your custody order.
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Marriage doesn't come with a money-back guarantee.
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