ryna0114
recently joined
Reged: 04/30/13
Posts: 3
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Hi all, I am new and was wanting to pick some of your brains as to what I should do. I will try to make this short....
Ex and I have 2 children together...D-18yrs old & S-13yrs old. Our son wanted to live with Ex and after talking to several lawyers, learned that he was of age and that the courts would let him decide. So, I didn't fight it and allowed him to move in with his dad. His dad is like a buddy and allows him to come and go as he pleases. His grades have fallen, but not so bad that he will fail. My ex is over 10k behind in child support and the state of Ms have started to take it out of his paycheck. He is furious about this, as he never did like to pay, now he has no choice. He has nothing to do with our D, in fact has not seen her in 4 yrs.
While our son lived with me, I made sure that our son got to the half-way meeting point for each of ex's visits. Even went out of my way to work around different obstacles, such as letting son miss school on a Friday, so that ex's rental car would be cheaper. Now ex is being very controlling with visits now that the tides have turned. He will not met me half-way, insist that our son flies, which cost a lot more than if I drove to the half-way point. He is telling son awful things about me and about our situation, meaning the finances. The last text that I got from ex was calling me ever name in the book and then telling me that he has told our son everything and that now our son doesn't want to come.
To help, Ex lives 800 miles from me and the court order states that we are to met half-way, or fly our child if both agree. The cost is to be split, if agreed upon. During Christmas visit I was given no choice, he said that he was flying, he bought the ticket (would not allow me to) and I had our son 4 days, cutting my visit by 4 days).
Now he says that our son is not coming until custody papers are signed. He has had our son for 1 year now and when our son went he was suppose to have the papers drawn up with our agreements. He did, but he was trying to be very sneaky and had things in it that I would not agree to. I sent back with a list of agreements and he has never bothered to get it redone. I am sick of fighting him ever time it comes to my visits with our son.
What can I do to help this? I have not replied to his last text threatening me with no visit yet. Any ideas as to how to reply? Thank you
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gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30354
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Okay, a couple of questions, first, who moved from the original divorce location? Second, how much are you ordered to pay HIM in child support?
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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ryna0114
recently joined
Reged: 04/30/13
Posts: 3
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I moved back to our hometown when we divorced 4 years ago. He signed the order to allow this. I had our son until a year ago. As for the child support, he still pays for our 18 year old, however this month was the last as she is graduating. We agreed on a lesser amount for him to pay, because we subtracted what I would pay him. Now we are working or making an agreement that will waive all his back child support, close to 10k, in order to make it were no money changes hands...his want, I could careless if I have to pay or not, as it takes a lot more to raise him than what I would be paying a month. Not really sure why it matters about the child support? Visitation has nothing to do with that.
When it comes to working together to lower his amount of support or waiving his back child support he is all ears and willing to work with me, however when it comes to our sons' visits he is so controlling. I have a court order that states in black and white what is expected of each of us, and when I had our son that is what was done, and really more, as I let him have him extra days because he didn't get to see him much. Now I don't even get the days that are allotted and believe me, they are very few at that.
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elliesmom
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/07/05
Posts: 8835
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Prepare the visitation document that you want with the waiving of the 10k owed in CS when your son turns 18 if he is not in contempt on any of the visitation or transportation portions of the decree in the interim.
800 miles is a long drive to force someone into. Flying is what a judge would order. But you should get to buy the ticket with certain parameters.
And tell him to sign it or you will see about getting your 10k TOMORROW. As it will help your D go to college or whatever else you decide to do with it. It is long past time to quit playing games and move on with your lives.
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Forgiveness is...letting go of the hope that the past can be changed.
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gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30354
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"I moved back to our hometown when we divorced 4 years ago. He signed the order to allow this."
That does not absolve you from your responsibility, legal or not, to pay for transportation. You spoke of YOU being willing to meet him halfway, and now he ISN'T willing. Well, YOU wanted to move, YOU moved, you should do ALL the driving, it was YOUR choice. He okayed the MOVE, that doesn't mean he has to be thrilled to do half of the DRIVING.
"Not really sure why it matters about the child support? Visitation has nothing to do with that."
Well, it is DIRECTLY related to ATTITUDE. He is paying, currently, for an 18 year old, as well as a younger child that is LIVING WITH HIM. Can YOU understand why a person who has TWO kids, one living with them, one living with the other parent, would be upset that they have to PAY support? You each have one child, so support should be negated.
"When it comes to working together to lower his amount of support or waiving his back child support he is all ears and willing to work with me, however when it comes to our sons' visits he is so controlling."
Wow, so let me see if I get this, you are SURPRISED that he is ALL in favor of stuff that will work to HIS advantage, but not interested in stuff that works to YOUR advantage? You DO understand that you are DIVORCED now and YOUR advantages are no longer his concern.
"I have a court order that states in black and white what is expected of each of us, and when I had our son that is what was done, and really more, as I let him have him extra days because he didn't get to see him much."
And I will be honest before I say what I am about to say, THIS attitude REALLY pisses me off. You want CREDIT for giving hi EXTRA days, because he LOST days because of your move. Tell me, when your kid spills a drink in the kitchen, do you give them EXTRA credit for cleaning it up? Well, YOU Moved, YOU caused the distance, YOU caused the reduced time, so you really do not get credit for making SOME of it up.
"Now I don't even get the days that are allotted and believe me, they are very few at that."
So you are upset, and expect him to do what he can to rectify the lost time you are having from YOUR move and YOUR decisions. Kinda seems like you are in the boat HE was in a year or so ago, the difference being YOUR chose the boat, not him, in BOTH situations). And YOU don't like it...go figure, and WELCOME TO HIS WORLD. Try to be as understanding of HIM< as you expect him to be of YOU, and that will go a LOOOONG way in mending fences.
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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ryna0114
recently joined
Reged: 04/30/13
Posts: 3
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gr8Dad, I can see that you are all about the man vrs woman attitude, but the thing is you are so wrong about our situation. Neither on of us lives where we were living when divorced. So, that doesn't apply to us at all. We both pay half of travel and have always done so. That will not change and is what was agreed upon. I moved back to my hometown because he was moving also at the time. At first he wanted to move me there with him and his "new" girl and help by paying for my move. I was not going to do so and frankly I am not sure what women or man in that situation would have. So, yes I expect him to pay half of travel.
And the only thing I want him to rectify is his attitude and controlling when it comes to my visits. I am happily remarried and could careless about his money, I just want to get my visits each time without a fight, I don't think that is asking too much, period.
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MinnesotaMom
member
Reged: 01/05/11
Posts: 191
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A court's typical decision is the one that moved pays all transportation costs.
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