ncdadconcerned
recently joined
Reged: 05/03/13
Posts: 2
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My ex recently moved to a new house and had a basement bedroom built for one of my children. I found out that there are no windows or doors in this room, so no fire escape and the room is not a legal bedroom. I called the building department and they informed her that no one is allowed to sleep in the room since it is technically a closet. My ex now put a cot in her dining room and said that my child sleeps there, not the basement. She told the kids to lie to me and say that is where the child is sleeping, but the kids slipped up and I know for sure the child is still sleeping in the basement firetrap.
This upsets me on so many levels and I do not know where to go.
The child was shaking and obviously upset when the slip up was made that made it obvious where sleeping was really being done. I totally ignored it and didnt let the kid know that I caught the slip up.
What bothers me is that the kids had to be given some horrible reason from their mother to be told that they need to lie to their father. Thats just not right. How a mother can think that is acceptable is beyond me.
My kid is sleeping in a closet. No windows, no doors, no fresh air, no sunlight, no way out in case of a fire.
What are my options?
She has no mortgage and I still pay her a lot of money for child support...more than enough to pay a full mortgage on a house much nicer than the one she lives in, so money is not a valid reason for not having legal sleeping accomodations for the kids.
What do I do about the lying?
What about sleeping arrangements?
Would anything be done through the courts if I wasted another few thousand on that?
What about child protective services? Would they consider this a child endangerment case since she is knowingly having the kid sleep in a room that she was told not to let anyone sleep in?
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BeachBabeRN
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 01/16/06
Posts: 3049
Loc: VA for 21 years, NC forever!
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I'm sorry, I have to ask -- if there are no windows and no door, without a way to get out of the room in case of emergency, how does the child get INTO the space?
I realize I sound rather.....naive? Stupid? But if there's no way out, how is there a way in?
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Sherron
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/25/06
Posts: 20167
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"I'm sorry, I have to ask -- if there are no windows and no door, without a way to get out of the room in case of emergency, how does the child get INTO the space?
I realize I sound rather.....naive? Stupid? But if there's no way out, how is there a way in? "
bbrn, sounds like the laws where OP lives are similar to my area.... if so... it's not that there is no way to get in or out, but there is not alternative exit in case the primary exit is blocked by fire. In order for a space to qualify as a bedroom, there has to be an alternative exit. This could be two doors or one door and a window big enough to climb out. When I had my basement replaced, I had them put in an egress window, so I could put in another bedroom downstairs. When I bought my house, I bought it as a 3br... legally, it is a 2br with an office, because of the size of the window; it is not big enough to qualify as an alternative exit. I could be wrong, but that's what it sounds like is the case in the OP, the child is sleeping in an area that is not "legally" a bedroom, because there is no secondary exit.
To the OP... it sounds like a losing battle... how do you prove it, are you going to put the child on the stand to testify? Even if, your ex can claim she will be sleeping in the dining room again, and put her right back in the other room. Try to work with her, not against her, because you cannot control the situation permanently. I don't know your and your ex's financial situations but... if it is possible, the best option I can see is check into installing an egress window and making it a legal bedroom. Offer to split the cost as an incentive if you can... no, you shouldn't have to, but considering your ex is willing to lie and have the child lie as well, I'm not seeing any other long term solutions other than fixing up the bedroom to be legal.
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ncdadconcerned
recently joined
Reged: 05/03/13
Posts: 2
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Yes, Sherron is correct. I should have specified no EXTERIOR doors or windows. It is against international fire code because there is no exit if the bedroom door or hallway is on fire. There is also no way to put in a window since the two exterior walls of this room are both completely underground.
I am equally concerned with how to address the kids mother telling them to lie to me about this. The kids are scared and I have no idea what their mother told them about why they need to lie to me. From their reaction, sounds like she threatened them. They are so scared that I do not want to bring it up to them...that would just be putting them right in the middle where they are afraid to be and they shouldnt have to deal with this.
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c_jane
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 04/06/07
Posts: 1759
Loc: In the Great State of Texas
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You will come to realize that now you are divorced you have NO CONTROL over the kids' safety, upbringing, people they are around, etc.
I have had to deal with my Ex- allowing my son to ride his dirtbike at 8 around the neighborhood with no helmet. Also buying him a RIFLE at 10 (& no gun safety course).
I could go on, but you get the picture. Basically nothing you can do about the bedroom (since Mom seems like she will ignore the building dept. too) and nothing about the kids being told to lie to you.
The only way you can address the lying is to say something non-threatening like "I'm sure that XYZ isn't quite true, but we won't worry about that/it's nothing to be concerned about/etc."
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John Constantine: God's a kid with an ant farm.... He's not planning anything.
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