Chasity
recently joined
Reged: 04/28/13
Posts: 1
Loc: United States, Georgia
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My son is 10. He has adhd, Odd, conduct and mood disorder. Joint physical legal non custodian father was released three months ago for aggregated assault felony, served three years. I've had family involved in therapy for 3 years and attended parenting classes for disorders in children. My son has been in inpatient treatment twice, had many school and bus issues, but had reached a stable point. After visits with father resumed his grades fell and behavior declined. His father took the children places, bought expensive gifts, ate out every meal, allow violent video games to be played, belittled my rules and beliefs, and laughed that I wasn't around to rule them. After their last visit, my son set my home on fire with my family inside. He admitted to it the day after and stated that he wanted to move to his dad's and I wouldn't let him, no house to live with me in so he would have to move. His reason was because his dad let's him do more things and gives him more. He has no remorse and doesn't feel that he was wrong because he wants to go. Since he has admit this, he is a different child from ever before, he is rude, disrespectful, laughs at me, calls me trash, calls me a liar, he lies constantly, steals, made his teacher cry, is never wrong, he is completely out of control. He has to leave my home for treatment, I can't risk what he may do next. His father is refusing consent of mental treatment that his therapist has recommended. He says he can help home, psychiatrist just want money, that he just needs some attention and freedom! That im too strict and have too many kids to give him enough love. He has made threats of consequences if I do accomplish this. He is getting a lawyer. I am doing all the preparing I can to save my baby and help him. Problem is, he needs help NOW, custody modification takes time. I can't afford a lawyer like the father can. I asked him to see a mediator and cordially plan together the tight thing to do but he refused. He says he'll get him a therapist there too but his present therapist has said that he was denied for several programs due to the danger of other patients and staff and she also has relinguished her services until stability is reached due to the advanced need of therapy, I believe he will be unable to find services and he will undermine any advice given. He suffers from the same issues as my son.
I'll stop now, sorry. Does anyone have any advice on what immediate action I can take? I appreciate any insight to this desperation. I want my precious, loving, out going, son back and I don't ever want my ability to pick him up when he falls to be given away.
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Goodmom
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 06/17/07
Posts: 2018
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You need to get an attorney and take this to court. If the father won't agree a judge can override him. And with your son having literally attempted to kill you and your family by setting a fire (attempting to kill you may not have been his intent, but it could have been the end result of his actions) he needs to be placed in a home where he can get treatment and no one gets hurt. His father simply isn't qualified to do that and in fact may be contributing to the issue by thinking that he knows more about your son's disorders than the professionals do. Which clearly isn't the case.
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ssmom79
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/27/07
Posts: 7806
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Agreed GM.
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elliesmom
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/07/05
Posts: 8835
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You also need to get a mental health professional on board that exposure to his father is making him worse. Particularly that he set the fire to be with his father. Otherwise - there is no way you will ever be able to limit that.
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Forgiveness is...letting go of the hope that the past can be changed.
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gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30354
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Not really sure that after raising the kid ALONE for three years while Dad was in jail, during which he got worse and worse, that she can now claim that its DADS fault that he is acting like this. It is contributory at best.
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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elliesmom
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/07/05
Posts: 8835
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I don't think its dad's fault - and if weren't a felon I'd be suggesting she send the kid there if only to protect her other kids and get him out of the environment that DID create this. But it is what it is. Either the kid is escalating on his own or dad is contributing. IF a mental health professional won't agree that Dad is contributing - then she is going to have to deal with it.
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Forgiveness is...letting go of the hope that the past can be changed.
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