goodmodad
recently joined
Reged: 05/30/13
Posts: 6
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Divorced dad of 6, all same mother. I was the husband that did everything and ex got pretty dependent on me. Now that we are divorced she is overwhelmed. Hired a cleaning lady, dad does yard work. I come over every night and get clothes ready for 4 out of the 6, 13 yr old takes care of himself and she gets 2 yr old girl dressed. I also come help with baths and don't leave until they are laying down for the night. I'm at all functions and coach the oldest ones baseball team. Still get takes over the coals everyday that I'm not doing enough. We are doing the every other weekend thing too, but some stay with me throughout the week. On top of that i pay her $1700 and she is the custodian parent. Am i missing something or what??
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BeachBabeRN
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 01/16/06
Posts: 3049
Loc: VA for 21 years, NC forever!
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Stop being a doormat. She'll walk on you forever if you let her.
I might take this back to court, seeing as you're doing everything anyway -- start documenting the times that the children are with you, the times you go over there to handle the children for her -- it might add up to enough of a basis to change primary custody to you.
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goodmodad
recently joined
Reged: 05/30/13
Posts: 6
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That's what friends are telling me too. I suppose it's my conscience as a dad that it's getting the best of me. I'm with then as much as she is except when they are sleeping. There its just alot that she want used to having to do or doing by herself and she can't handle it. Well then that its where i don't want my kids to have to deal with her attitude about it so i try to help as much as i can.
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BeachBabeRN
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 01/16/06
Posts: 3049
Loc: VA for 21 years, NC forever!
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She'll handle it when she's made to handle it - and from what you say, now is the time.....probably past the time that she needed to figure out how to **handle** things.
Your friends are right.....don't let your conscience turn you into a slave until your youngest child is 18. Her attitude will either change or not -- and it's unfortunate that it may affect your child.
However -- would YOU like a life? Perhaps a date? Perhaps a relationship? I can't think or a single woman that would deal with what you're doing -- plain simple truth. Maybe it's too early to think about that now but hopefully there will be a time that you'd like to date.....and you're going to be very alone for a long time if this is what you'll spend your life doing.
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goodmodad
recently joined
Reged: 05/30/13
Posts: 6
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That is the best advice I've gotten up to this point. I guess after doing it for 15 yrs it's a hard habit to break. Your points are so valid and I never looked at it that way. Thank you!!
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BeachBabeRN
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 01/16/06
Posts: 3049
Loc: VA for 21 years, NC forever!
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Most welcome -- I too had to learn to do it alone. While there were times I found a pool of despair so deep I didn't know it existed....and at other times, me and the kids were flying high.
I only had two though ;-)
Look at it this way, also -- what if you had died? She's now a widow with six kids. Who's gonna **help** her **handle** things then?????
I learned how to do things or at least who to call that could do it **that usually involved money** But if you're putting your kids to bed every night? You're doing them a disservice also.The divorce doesn't affect them at all -- because it's as if it hasn't happened.
YOu should really take this back to court for a child support adjustment, based on the amount of time that you have the children with you. $1700 is a lot of money **well, maybe not for six kids **LOL** but if you' spending the amount of time that you say you are with them, I'm thinking that your child support should be reduced.....perhaps that's when your ex will learn to **handle it**
I'm just sayin'......
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goodmodad
recently joined
Reged: 05/30/13
Posts: 6
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Yes you are right. With the time I am spending over there every night, baths, and bed doesn't make anything different for them which it's maybe what I was after, but I understand in the long run it isn't helping me or them it's only helping her.
Yes, the child support is high and definitely hard on me to survive!! I'm trying to change what I've been doing over the last couple months and apply that separation from her life. Don't get me wrong my time around her house is for the kids definitely not for her sake. I'm just trying to make due and get the time and what i do balanced out without affecting the kids to much.
All of your words are very helpful and appreciated!! Thank you!!
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BeachBabeRN
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 01/16/06
Posts: 3049
Loc: VA for 21 years, NC forever!
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It's not necessarily wrong or out of line to assist her at times, when it's convenient for you and it's something that you don't mind doing. But given what you're doing now, she'll never **handle** anything....
Who wanted the divorce?
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goodmodad
recently joined
Reged: 05/30/13
Posts: 6
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I wanted the divorce after her having an affair. We tried counseling but our unhappiness wasn't resolving anything. Lastnight was the first night that I didn't go over and help with anything for the last few months. I'm not unrealistic thinking all this won't take time.
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BeachBabeRN
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 01/16/06
Posts: 3049
Loc: VA for 21 years, NC forever!
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It will very definitely take time -- please don't let your possible guilt at asking for a divorce define you for many years.
Whatever your reasons for divorcing your wife, they are valid to you. They don't necessarily have to please the rest of the world.
Stay in touch if you like -- while I don't always post, I'm usually lurking somewhere for short periods. Send me a PM and let me know how things are going.
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