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tiredandfedup
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Reged: 02/21/06
Posts: 4
Loc: NJ
Re: Need advice [Re: Gecko]
      #81384 - 02/22/06 03:21 PM

The back taxes are on the business only. I filed married but separately. It was his responsibility to file for himself and his business, which he did not. I can't force him to do anything. I claimed everything. When he finally decided he was going to own up to it, past years were filed and we owed money. He doesn't take care of it like he should.

yes, I do feel I should be compensated. Going into the marriage, he said equal responsibility unless I stayed home. I agreed. So, now he changes his mind and I should pay? I don't feel that's right. I knew him for 5 years before we got married. I lived with him for over 2 years. Why didn't any of this come about then? I wouldn't have gotten married, or if he felt this way and knew I wasn't that way, he shouldn't have married me.

Dad was just a co-signer. No money towards it at all.


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MamaKitty
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Reged: 01/30/06
Posts: 1632
Loc: California
Re: Need advice [Re: tiredandfedup]
      #81407 - 02/22/06 04:08 PM

Hmm. Had a feeling you'd say he drank the whole 6pack a night. The BUND doesn't drink much at all now, but through both of my pregnancies he drank up to a 16 pack (those bigones) a night. Now his liver's shot and he can't.

Sounds familiar.

c


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Gecko
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Reged: 06/01/04
Posts: 20211
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Re: Need advice [Re: tiredandfedup]
      #81464 - 02/22/06 06:57 PM

The back taxes are on the business only. I filed married but separately. It was his responsibility to file for himself and his business, which he did not.

---> Then you cannot be held liable.

yes, I do feel I should be compensated. Going into the marriage, he said equal responsibility unless I stayed home. I agreed. So, now he changes his mind and I should pay?

---> Sounds to me like you're changing your mind too. If you agreed to equality, then he is "entitled" to half of your 401(k).

I knew him for 5 years before we got married. I lived with him for over 2 years. Why didn't any of this come about then?

---> It did, but you choose to ignore it...which is pretty typical today. We only see what we want to see.

Dad was just a co-signer. No money towards it at all.

---> Then the equity, LESS your original investment, would be divided between you and your husband.

--------------------
If you air your dirty linen in public, expect people to comment on the skid marks!


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almostheaven
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Reged: 07/13/04
Posts: 10468
Loc: West Virginia
Re: Need advice [Re: Gecko]
      #81474 - 02/22/06 07:30 PM

>>>>>In other words, you want to be compensated for making a bad choice?<<<<<

I don't see how her being compensated for a bad choice is the same as not wanting HIM to be compensated for his good choice. He picked a good spouse...one who contributed to her 401K, one who managed to snag a house "before" they married, one who managed to pay her debts. Now he wants to ride on her coattails and get half her retirement when he had a job all along but chose not to contribute, etc. Now I'm all for being fair in this. If it was a SAHP, I'd feel they should be entitled to part of the retirment. And if he can have the judge believing that she benefitted from more income of his since he wasn't contributing to retirment, he too should be eligible for a share in her retirement. But if everything is as she says, then he's looking for a free ride. He got one for the length of the marriage, now wants to grab half of everything she worked for afterward. But...NJ is not a community property state, so he may not grab too much.

--------------------
Char Fox


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Gecko
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To AlmostHeaven [Re: almostheaven]
      #81526 - 02/23/06 12:22 AM

But...NJ is not a community property state, so he may not grab too much.

---> Just because a state is not a "community property state" doesn't mean a whole hell of a lot anymore. Since no one is at "fault" anymore, everyone gets "half" of all the crap accumulated during the course of the marriage.

--------------------
If you air your dirty linen in public, expect people to comment on the skid marks!


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almostheaven
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It's the "during the marriage" part... [Re: Gecko]
      #81703 - 02/23/06 12:17 PM

that comes in handy here. Since she bought the house before they were married. He may be entitled only to any part of the equity that the court believes he paid into during the marriage, but any downpayment/initial investment, no.

--------------------
Char Fox


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Debbie_L
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Reged: 06/06/05
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Re: Need advice [Re: Gecko]
      #81915 - 02/23/06 04:45 PM

He sounds like such a jerk I don't know how you've made it this long. He is very abusive. You both work full time, so how come he just gets to relax after work, but you are the slave? You probably will need counselling at some point to avoid getting yourself into these situations. Nobody should have been allowed to treat you like this for so long (or at all). You need to value yourself and never, ever let a man walk over you like this again. You have 2 very small children and you need to set this example for them. This is not the model of a healthy relationship, or healthy male/female roles to raise them with.

PS - I think a 6 pack of beer every night is definitely excessive.You are right to be concerned - not so much about what other people think, but about what this will do to your kids. I don't think it's healthy for kids to be around someone who "needs" that much booze every day. One or two beers is one thing - six beers a day is another.


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stacey30
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Reged: 11/27/05
Posts: 962
Re: Need advice [Re: tiredandfedup]
      #84645 - 03/04/06 11:33 AM

I was responsible for D 90% of the time. If she was sick, then it was my responsibility to stay home with her. I revolved my work around her.

I could never depend on stbx to be home in time for me to go to work at night. Always had to depend on my mom.
We were also separated more than we were apart during our marriage.

And when he was home, he was constantly on the computer working.

The house was never picked up enough for him. One time I was organizing the kitchen cabinets with D at my feet coloring. She was 2 at the time. I was so psyched for stbx to come home and see it. You know what I got instead? He decided to take pictures of the "huge mess" that I had created in the process of cleaning out the cubboards! He had a bad day at work and decided to take it out on me.
He thought that the pictures would prove something in court.

I never got help with cleaning. I asked him once while I had to burden most of the responsibility.

He told me "Well you are the mom!"

My point is....
The judge gave him every Tues. and Wed. night, in addition to EOW, even though he was never around during marriage.

My point is sometimes if the husband says he can do 2-nights, 3-nights, etc., than the judge will grant it. My stbx now has flexibility and never did before!

What amazes me...
If I had to go back to work full-time 9-5, then D would be without me from Tues. mornings until Thursday nights and then again on Friday mornings until Sunday night.

I was told though that the judge ordered what he wanted just because she comes to work with me. However, D is having a hard time transitioning, espcially at nights.

On his weekends, she comes back and ask why I was gone so long. On his weekends, I tell D mommy has to work so can not be with her. It seems to help her a lot. She does not think that me leaving her has anything to do with me not wanting her.

He is lucky that D formed an incredible bond with him, considering he was never there most of her life. I am grateful for this. If she hadn't or had to work away from her, than think it would be harder on me.

However, I know a lot of mom's staying in horrible marriages so they do not have to be apart from their kids.


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Gecko
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Reged: 06/01/04
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Re: It's the "during the marriage" part... [Re: almostheaven]
      #85197 - 03/06/06 09:52 PM

That's what I said, but thank's for supporting it.

--------------------
If you air your dirty linen in public, expect people to comment on the skid marks!


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Mariah
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Reged: 03/10/06
Posts: 3
Loc: Central New York
Re: Need advice [Re: tiredandfedup]
      #86613 - 03/10/06 10:51 AM

I know what you mean about being nervous when he comes home...everything could be perfect, exactley how he would want it, and he'll still find something to be upset about, he'll just dig for a reason the yell at me and tell me how useless and stupid I am. I bend over backwards to keep him happy, give him money every time he asks, even if it means putting bills off till next week, because if I don't give him money, I'll get yelled at and cussed out. I don't know about you all, but I don't even feel like a real person anymore, much less a wife for that matter.

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