suzyoh
recently joined
Reged: 03/25/06
Posts: 14
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YOu put stipulations on what he does and where the children are when they are with him.
Never have controlled him on where he is or what he does with the children I happen to think he a great father … It’s a safety issue
You refuse to allow him his time with his children because "there is no window in the basement" A window is an important thing to have in your house. If it is, a bedroom and they are sleeping in it.
and then you complain that he does not get the kids. Oh this has been going on for some years … When it’s good for him to take them or when its not … Like being in the Church Christmas program is far more important then seeing your children when indeed it’s your night with them … So I just won’t take them tonight and leave them with mom .
Which is it? He does not get the kids, or you won't let him take the kids becuase of a basement issue? I would have to say both to this question … but it goes like this he never takes the kids when he should and I won’t let them sleep there YES BECAUSE OF NO WINDOW . To me it seems you are trying to control his parenting time, and then complaining when he does not adhere to your stipulations. I WOULD HAVE TO SAY THAT NOT CONTROLLING HIS PARENTING TIME … BECAUSE HE DOES NOT CARE TO TAKE THEM WHEN HE SHOULD. Example: ok it is his night to spend time with the children but tells me one day before that he not going to take them because he has to take his stepdaughter back to collage. Who is more important in our girls eyes and how would you try to explain this to a child who loves there father to pieces and has a disability. Easy to say she would never know (not true )
In addition, you never answered about the bedroom that is empty up stairs why not sleep them up there it is only 4 night out the month?
Can you blame him? I do blame him he built the room I found out about it … I did something about it and I ‘m the bad one?
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Rebecca5
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 11697
Loc: Down home.
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You can't force parents to use their parenting time. You put the brakes on, and he said, "okey dokey." Did you offer to pay for half of the cost of altering his foundation? Adding a basement window is quite an undertaking, and requires much more than burying some sensors in the yard.
Home daycare rules are considerably different from regular home-ownership regulations. Usually, a homeowner doesn't have to have an emergency exit in every room. So....everyone in your town ran out and added a window when this law passed? Or are there stipulations to the law like, "for all homes built AFTER XXXX date..." or "if a business is present in the home"....?
I appreciate your concern for your children, but sometimes....you can't always get what you want.
I also have an ex that does not use his parenting time. Yes, some kid-free time is nice....but it's not as necessary as something like...say....a window in the basement.
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MamaKitty
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 01/30/06
Posts: 1632
Loc: California
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I'm pretty sure basements without windows are not allowed to be used as bedrooms here, either. You're also not allowed to have metal security grates on the outsides of windows unless they have a safety release... plus lots of other rules that have come about from people being trapped in rooms with no escape from fire.
I don't think I'd want my children staying in any room that didn't have the minimum safety requirements, either.
If an empty upstairs bedroom for some reason was not allowed to be used 4 days a month, I'd insist the kids sleep on blankets/sleeping bags on the living room floor. It would be interesting if the OP would be ok with that, or if that would also be a problem. Our house has 2 stories, and until the bratties were a certain age, I wouldn't be comfortable with them sleeping on a different level than whatever adult was watching them.
c
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Rebecca5
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 11697
Loc: Down home.
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Ours have weird laws about the times, people, date of house, etc.
I find it odd that this guy spent all this time building this extra room in the basement and the no window thing didn't come up until it was done. THEN...there's been no other problem-solving suggestions? Say....Dad/SM could use the basement room during the overnights......the upstairs room.....camping in a different room.....something!
BUT....if dad has used this as a convenient way to opt-out of overnights, there's not much that's going to get done about it.
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MamaKitty
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 01/30/06
Posts: 1632
Loc: California
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Obviously the basement was remodelled/finished without benefit of city planning approval... or at least here that's what it would mean. You have to have permits to sneeze- and that would have been red-lighted. A lot of the nit-picking things a permit is needed for is pretty annoying, but having access in case of a fire isn't too bad. I wonder if ex has fire alarms/smoke detectors either... I'm going to gamble the answer is no. 10 bucks to myself if OP verifies.
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Rebecca5
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 11697
Loc: Down home.
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That's not what I meant. City approval, maybe....maybe not.
Mom didn't know anything about it....the girls never mentioned the remodeling....it never came up before the work was completed?
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Buckeye
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 12/08/05
Posts: 7857
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I'm confused....I can't imagine anyone building a basement with NO windows anywhere??? I have NEVER seen a basement without at least ONE window.
Is it possible that the basement has windows but no windows in their room?
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Miranda
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 20822
Loc: North of Mexico
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Not only that, but I would love to see the law in writing. My parents, as do many people up in Wisconsin, have finished basements. None of which have any kind of windows in them-the living area.
When we called DHS on BM's inadequate home, the only thing the state required was that the home had running water.
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13.1...because I am only half crazy!
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Buckeye
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 12/08/05
Posts: 7857
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Do they have windows in the basement besides just in the living area?
Every basement in my area has a window - at least one. We have 3 windows, a door and stairs up to the first floor.
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Miranda
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 20822
Loc: North of Mexico
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There is one window, but no one would be able to get out of it...well no one over the age 5 would be able to get out of it. And the window is in the non living area...my parents home is 4500 square feet so the basement is ENORMOUS!
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13.1...because I am only half crazy!
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