flyers13
recently joined
Reged: 01/31/06
Posts: 4
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As funny as it may sound I believe I may have been physically abused by my wife at one point in time. Prior to her leaving the house she had thrown objects at me (remote controller, brushes, etc..) and had hit me. The had also hit me in the goodies if you know what I mean when I tried to hug her too. There were also numerous occasions when she threatened to hit me in the goodies. In addition I had also been kicked in the shins, legs, etc... over the course of 6 months prior to her leaving. I know it doesn't sound plausible, and I being a guy she be able to defend myself but I never did because I don't believe in hitting women. I never filed any complaints because I didnt' want to seem like the puss. Now that we're going through the divorce she wants everything including our daughter. Is there anything I can do here in Pennsylvania?
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almostheaven
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/13/04
Posts: 10468
Loc: West Virginia
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Since there were never any police reports filed, you have no proof. If you have anyone who witnessed these actions who will testify or if you have pictures or can get her to admit it will be your only hope of having it make any difference. You can still bring it up...ask your lawyer. The court may think you're just saying it because of the divorce. But I would think you'd at least want it on record. A lawyer however may see reasons that it could go against you and advise you differently.
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Char Fox
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almostheaven
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/13/04
Posts: 10468
Loc: West Virginia
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Who is stronger doesn't matter. Abuse is abuse. Some people won't fight back. Some women can actually kick a man's butt. Women generally tend to get the worst end of abuse because men are USUALLY stronger. But just because they don't leave marks or put you in the hospital doesn't mean they didn't abuse.
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Char Fox
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Northstar77
recently joined
Reged: 03/25/06
Posts: 10
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I,ve had it happen to me too. She hit me a lot of times.she left marks too. I never made a police report because I didn't want her to go to jail because I would have probably been the one who would have to bail her out. People don't think men can be abused that is not true,I was also verbally abused almost constantly by her. She was a real manipulator,she would use religious tactics,she was involved in this inner healing stuff at her church and when we would have an argument I would try to explain to her how her words and actions affected me and she would listen to my whole story interrupting at will and when I was done she would then say"in a soft voice.. Do you think maybe the reason you,re so upset with me is because of your childhood?" at first I used to buy this stuff and think that I was all messed up emotionally and we would end the disagreement with her sitting there as proud and arrogant as a peacock and saying..."You see? you have alot of healing you need and issues that are not dealt with?" so I would walk away feeling like it was all my fault. I would also stuff all of my anger because what else could I do with it?After all she was right and I was wrong. Or she would say stuff like"God told me to tell you this" I would then think to myself well how can I argue with God? This went on for so long finally I didn't buy into that crap anymore and woke up,that's when she started leaving me and separating from me because she lost the control over me.She now lives in her kids condo and we are in the middle of a divorce. She is divorcing me and trying to get all she can and walk away not being responsible for any of it. Thank God we have no kids together. We were married 7 years.
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almostheaven
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/13/04
Posts: 10468
Loc: West Virginia
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It just takes a sick mind. Your childhood didn't make her abuse you or make you upset with it. Her may very well have made you susceptible to abuse though. There are those who are prone to abuse often because of their own childhoods. And there are those who are prone to seek out abusers.
The worst part about men being abused is that they are their own worst enemies. Men just don't believe other men CAN be abused, and those that are are often afraid to say they are because they feel the cops (mostly men) won't believe them, or they feel their buddies will laugh at them. And they're sadly often right about that.
But I do like to watch COPS, and I've seen them arrest women for hitting men on there. I've seen some where both claimed the other struck first. But they usually arrest the man in those cases. Why? Because she's the only one with a mark. That's because the man's usually stronger. A woman is generally going to get the worst end of the deal. But I've also seen couples where the woman weighs 300 pounds and the man weighs 120. I have no doubts who'd win in a fight between them.
You were definately prone to be abused. And seem as if you still may be. You said you never reported her because you'd have had to bail her out. You need to stop thinking that way. No one would have forced you to bail her out. You could easily have left her there, changed the locks, filed an RO and filed for divorce. Even still SHE left you. You still weren't the one to leave...couldn't bring yourself to leave. I hope you wake up a little more before you ever meet anyone else and remarry so that you don't allow yourself to get into that position again. My sister was like that for years. She used to bail her ex out everytime. She even pawned things and sold the livingroom furniture to bail him out. She finally woke up and let him take care of his own bail. And as he was walking up the steps to the apartment, she started tossing his clothes from the second floor window in front of his feet. She'd had enough. She didn't have him leave, she threw him out.
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Char Fox
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MamaKitty
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 01/30/06
Posts: 1632
Loc: California
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Right on target, Dee.
I wonder if completely changing the terminology from 'abuse' to 'domestic violence' or some other phrase would help out.
I have a feeling a man would be more willing to admit being the subject of domestic violence than admit to being abused or being the subject of spousal abuse.
Sounds silly, but sometimes words imply things people aren't willing to accept being involved in.
c
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