rachel
recently joined
Reged: 03/07/05
Posts: 2
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Hi I've been divorced for almost 6 yrs. My ex married my friend and neighbor. Nice friend. Anyway I have physical custody and he gets them every other weekend and during the week for dinner. When they go there it is a free for all. No rules,no bedtimes,they always have to be on the run. Away for weekends,shopping at the mall or at the very least out to dinner. When they come home they are exhausted and my younger one whose 9 is cranky behond reason. Now you have to understand that my ex doesnt think for himself so talking to him will only result in him asking his wife what to do and she is never wrong about anything. Trust me I've tried. They constantly ask the kids to do things that I hav to say no to. Ive asked them to talk to me first and they say they will but they dont. Also it doesnt help that I am very bad at face to face confrontation and that I am trying not to make waves because the kids do love their father and I do not want to hurt the relationship with him.And then there is always the fear that they will want to live with him instead of me and my new husband,who they do love. Help!
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ohiomom
journeyman
Reged: 01/19/05
Posts: 82
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They are there for dinner every night?
If you can't get your ex & his wife to be reasonable, I'd just suggest an early bedtime for your kids when they come home, & gentle reminders (to your kids) that the rules/routines are different @ home then @ Dad's, and leave it at that.
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rachel
recently joined
Reged: 03/07/05
Posts: 2
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HI, no just one night during the week for dinner, I like your advise, it is taking the high road which I've been on since we split,sometimes it is really hard though. Thanks
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ohiomom
journeyman
Reged: 01/19/05
Posts: 82
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Good luck... I know it sucks having to be the "mean" parent (ie the good one, lol) but the end result will be worth it. :)
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CalamityJane
member
Reged: 02/20/05
Posts: 100
Loc: Kansas City
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The high road is the only one to take in this case. You can't control your ex, or his interactions with your children. Enforce YOUR rules at YOUR house, and let the rest go. It's the only way to keep your sanity.
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stressedout
newbie
Reged: 01/27/05
Posts: 30
Loc: New Jersey
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The only thing I could say is to reinforce to your kids that rules are for foundation for the future. You are trying to raise them with good morals. Also reinforce that you and your new husband love them and do these things for their best interest. They need to remember that some day they will grow up and if they get away with everything now as kids, they will expect to do the same as adults.
I understand your frustration, I have a similar situation but in my own home, with my stepchild. Her father will let her come home with a friggin hickie next since he allows her to step all over him... I just keep truckin....
Good luck and stick to your guns...RULES
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