CONCERNEDTGJ
recently joined
Reged: 02/21/05
Posts: 3
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My wife and I just separated and my kids are now realizing Daddy doesn't sleep at home anymore ..they are heartbroken and this KILLS me. Divorce is in process and we are trying to be civil (trying)..any advice on how to talk/what to sat to the kids (4yr boy 2 yrgirl) ?? I'm crushed by seeing them this way ..
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aussie928
old hand
Reged: 10/29/04
Posts: 969
Loc: Dallas
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My hell mate..feel for you I do. At this age it's very hard. Sit them both down TOGETHER (you and the STBX) and explain to them that this isnt their fault and though mum and dad may not love eachother anymore (or just cant live together..however you want to word it) that they are loved by BOTH and that will never change. I have had friends that had wee ones your ages and they have tried to make a game of it almost or an adventure ....you know ...they will have two places to go...two bedrooms..pets at each...as at this age they really cant understand. Good luck to you mate..and its nice to see your main concern is your wee ones.
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Diane67
enthusiast
Reged: 08/14/04
Posts: 341
Loc: California
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I agree with Aussie - it's never easy at any age. Mine are now 17 and 15 and are still having issues every once in a while. It is much easier to sit them both down at the same time, though your 4 yr old may have more questions than the 2 yr old. Divorce is difficult for children regardless of age. Just keep your focus on the children and try to be adult about things. That's the best you can do for your kids.
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CONCERNEDTGJ
recently joined
Reged: 02/21/05
Posts: 3
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MUCH thanks for the kinds words Diane/Aussie ...for me it's all about making the kids happy. The adventure/game idea sounds like it may work, going to try tonight when I see them...will keep you guys up to date ..again, thanks ...it's good just hearing there's support out there in the world ...
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MominNJ
newbie
Reged: 12/14/04
Posts: 47
Loc: NJ
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You have an advantage here, A BIG ONE. and that is that you and your wife can be (at least) civil with one another. It's hard on the kids, i know it. But as long as they see you getting along and not fighting they are far better off. That's the number one reason I left my ex...because our constant fighting was upsetting our daughter.
Unfortunately, there is no civility. He still wants to fight. And it's very difficult.
Way to go. It gives me hope when I hear of people setting aside their issues with each other to help their children.
We'll be there someday I HOPE!
What i have noticed with mine is that when she is assured that WE'RE OK then she's OK.
Good luck and I can't wait to hear how the "adventure" works out. great idea!
--------------------
There are two things you must give your children...The first is ROOTS the second is WINGS
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gen
newbie
Reged: 03/10/05
Posts: 25
Loc: Kentucky
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I do not know about the 2year old, but for the 4 yr old I recommend a book called "When Mom and Dad Separate", by Marge Heegaard. It is a book that makes the kids feel loved and they "illustrate" with their own pictures what is going on about the divorce. It makes them feel okay about being mad and angry or even sad. It has helped my 10 year old a lot. He has autism and it helped him understand his feelings were okay. Another book I also recommend is Dinosaur Divorce. It shows them in "comic-book" form how things may be different, but both parents still love them. My sons couselor recommended both of these books, but she did say the Dinosaur book, only let them read "what pertains to them at the current moment" because it has a lot of things in the book that may not pertain to your current situation.
Good Luck, and I hope this may help someone.
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