juliecrew
recently joined
Reged: 07/31/04
Posts: 3
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I am recently remarried...amazingly enough, people are telling me exactly what my xhusband was up to while we were married...
he is now with a woman that he has chosen to introduce my daughter to...she recently hung up on me....long story, but the short of it was my little one was on the phone with her father and i heard her telling a story twice. I thought she had answered my other line, I took the phone and asked who was on the line and this gal hung up on me without answering me....I have real concerns, my x said he didn't blame her and asked what I thought she should have done...I am thinking...well, how about say your name and then hand the phone to my x husband....easy....?
I am sad that she disrespected me and he doesn't see anything wrong with it...my daughter is becoming extremely disrespectful to me now, she is under the age of 7. I am very concerned....
can someone give me some words of encouragement?
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jeemer
newbie
Reged: 07/02/04
Posts: 34
Loc: wyoming
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Children are easily shifted and people who do this to kids are shitty people!!! So that is why we are adults the friendlier you are about the situtation the more your daughter will talk to you. I know you shouldn't pry your kids about the other side but talking to her will be easier just be nice and open and she will talk to you about things she is hurting and that is why she is disrespecting you children don't know any other way to show their pain. Be patient she will sooner or later come to you go and spend a day with her let her decide where you will go and let her realise she is important. She is just really confused i imagine. Hope this helps. Kids just don't understand why sometimes.
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Gecko
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/01/04
Posts: 19803
Loc: Third rock from the sun
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I am sad that she disrespected me and he doesn't see anything wrong with it...my daughter is becoming extremely disrespectful to me now, she is under the age of 7. I am very concerned....
---> There are two issues here. The first one is that YOU think you have been "dissed"...that is subjective. Who is to say that the GF doesn't think that YOU were "rude" and took the appropriate action? It's like dealing with telemarketers...everyone has a different approach. As soon as I determine that this is a markinging call, I interrupt the speaker and say "no thank you, I'm not interested" and I hang up the phone. Some people may consider this approach "rude" because I interrupted the speaker, some people may consider that I exhibited to much courtesy.
---> The second issue you have is your daughter's "disrepect" towards you and again, this is subjective. Also, you are essentially blaming your ex and his GF and this is going to create many problems for you down the road. Why? Because your child is entering school and she is going to meet LOTS and LOTS of people who will "influence" her...teachers, friends, peers, society as a whole, etc and you're NOT going to be able to "fight" them all.
---> Also, welcome to the world of parenting.
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If you air your dirty linen in public, expect people to comment on the skid marks!
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paiselyblue
recently joined
Reged: 08/17/04
Posts: 10
Loc: East
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Here's a different perspective. I am the second wife. When #1 found out about me, that my husband introduced me, etc. she FLIPPED. She became extremely possesive about their daughter and blamed everything that went wrong on us.
I'm not saying this is what you are doing, but think about it for a moment. Would it not be a little intimidating to be involved with someone's ex-husband? He may have said to your daughter, oh that's such a cute story, tell ________ and handed his girlfriend the phone. She may not have known even what was going on and then to be confronted by her boyfriends ex-wife about who she is, well she might have freaked.
If you truly want to handle this situation in a civil way, I would tell your ex that you have no problem with his new girlfriend and that she doesn't need to be afraid of you. That is, if that's true. Do you think your ex would introduce a woman to your daughter willy nilly without thinking of the consequences? It sounds like prior to the g/f thing you guys had a working relationship.
Also, about him defending her. He obviously has some feelings for her if he is going this far with the relationship. It is only natural for him to defend her.
Your daughter's behavior since may be stemming from the loss of the idea that you and he are getting back together. Is this the first girlfriend to be introduced? It's also entirely possible that her behavior has nothing to do with her whatsoever, and just a phase.
Kids go through things, and the minute you start getting too "concerned" and placing blame other than where it should lie, with the child who is misbehaving, you make the situation a scapegoat for your daughter to act out and not be responsible for her own actions.
Just my opinion.
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