AndreaF
enthusiast
Reged: 04/02/06
Posts: 215
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Do you think i am in the wrong?Here is the situation:I have been nothing but respectful to my fiance's parents.I've helped them out everytime they have needed it,i have always included them in everything (holidays,birthdays etc),even helped my faince paint their house etc.We (well i can't say we...it was my faince and them while i went outside because i was afraid of what i would say) got in an argument once when i found that they were talking crap about me to everyone who would listen but that is the only time we have really had problems.Come to find out (the other day from my fiance's 5 year old son) that they are still bad mouthing me,even in front of the child.They don't speak to me.Don't even look at me if i'm around.I'm refered to as her or that girl.I have been with my fiance for 2 years (the argument happend almost a year and half ago).I invited them for christmas dinner but they never showed up.They never explained why they didn't come but my faince's son replied when i asked my faince why they hadn't come was "because they don't like you."I have become fed up with the crap and my fiance thinks i am over reacting.Does it sound like i am over reacting.I thought we all were adults here and believe that they should be behaving as such instead of bad mouthing me every chance they get and what makes it worse is that they are doing it in front of the child when they know he repeats everything he hears.I am at my wits end here and would like some advice.What do you guys think?
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F25Divorced
addict
Reged: 01/03/06
Posts: 575
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Andrea,
Im sorry to hear this. If your fiance is not supporting you on this and see's they are wrong, you are with him why?
Listen, I am 25 was married to a 32 year old man who was GLUED to his parents, it was horrible. I realized now after the start of the divorce I was only liked do the the wonderful child we have and the piece of paper. Family is important but if it stays as it is now, could you really be happy? Can he really be happy if he is acting this way and is close to them?
Good luck!
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AndreaF
enthusiast
Reged: 04/02/06
Posts: 215
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I do sometimes feel that they are ruining my relationship.He is driving me nuts just as much as they are.I do not know how in this world he thinks there isn't a problem.The argument we had the other day he told me that he had told them plenty of times to stop their behavior and "if they don't listen to me the first 50 times i tell them..they're not going to now" and he really has tried to stick up for me before but it is to no avial.I really don't know what to do about this.I want to remain with my fiance but i don't want to have to deal with his parents crap!
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Renee
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 4022
Loc: The Palmetto State
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Is there a specific reason they have an issue with you? Is it something you've been able to address with them to clear the air?
Your fiance is right about one thing: If he hasn't straightened them out the first 50x he's not likely to get thru to them anytime soon.
From what you're posting they're succeeding in wreaking havoc in your relationship with their son, because you keep letting them get to you. If you can't change their mind about you, and your fiance can't change their mind about you, work on something you can control - your reaction to them. Try to focus on your fiance and your family together, and try your best to put them in the category you reserve for nosy, belligerent, gossipy neighbors. You are in no position to make your fiance choose between you and his parents, and the more you focus on their idiocy the more pressure your F is going to feel to do just that.
Good luck Andrea, I really hope it works out for you.
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AndreaF
enthusiast
Reged: 04/02/06
Posts: 215
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No there really is no issue that we all have.I mean not that i know of.My faince has addressed the situation with them but since they will not talk to me I have not been able to sit down and talk with them myself.I mean it is very hard to try and straighten out a situation when someone won't talk or even look at you.And trust me i am not trying to make him choose between anyone.All i want is for him to be happy.I mean yeah it bothers me but he is the one who is in the middle.When the holidays come around it is always "make sure you come up here alone" so then he has to choose weither to leave me by myself for the holidays or pissing them off.I have never done that and never will.And I've tried my hardest to just focus on us but when his son comes back from their house and tells me that his grandma says he doesn't have to listen to me or that i am a drunk or something stupid like that it rubs me the wrong way.I don't even drink!Almost all of the time i don't even metion it to my faince but at times i just get so frustrated i want to pull my hair out!The other day was the third time in almost two years that i have even said anything about it.When my faince says anything to them about their talking about me it is usually because they are doing it right in front of him or when his son tells him what they are saying.I really just don't know what to do sometimes.
Edited by AndreaF (05/07/06 03:53 PM)
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Debbie_L
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 06/06/05
Posts: 2031
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If you are giving the full story here, and really don't know of anything that you've done to make his family dislike you - then RUN LIKE THE WIND! Your fiance is not a man if he allows that kind of crap to happen to the woman in his life (which should be you, not his mommy). I don't care if you say he's defended you to them and it didn't work - as soon as that happened and the behaviour continued he should have laid down the law and told them that he won't be seeing them anymore if they cannot respect his future wife. He should not allow them near his son if they are trying to poison the child against you. I see disaster for the future of your relationship. He's lying when he tells you he can't see the problem. Bullcrap! He's a wimp who will never insist on the behaviour you deserve. You will never be happy with him - trust me on this. He doesn't put you first, and allows blatant slander and disrespect for you. If my parents did this to a man I loved (which they would never do) - I would stay away from my parents! Period. It would not happen.
Ask yourself a question. If the situation were reversed, would you allow it to continue? Would your parents still be talking crap about your man, or would they be out of your lives until they could grow up enough to act like human beings? I think I know the answer to that.
You sound like a good woman, but you've fallen for a wuss. Best to cut your losses before you actually marry this noodle.
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Maury
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/04
Posts: 8148
Loc: This Asylum --->
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I think that you are powerless to change what they say. Either you find a way to bridge the gap or find a way to let it go.
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Renee
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 4022
Loc: The Palmetto State
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that you're the reason the grandson is not with his mother? Do they communicate with the childs mother?
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AndreaF
enthusiast
Reged: 04/02/06
Posts: 215
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The child is with the mother.We share joint/physical custody (we have the child from Wednesday 5-wednesday 5 and share the holidays,birthdays,etc).The mother also talks crap about me to the child (i explained that in another post..where she is teaching the child to call me a ni**er,fat a**,bit**,amoung other things).And yes the grandparents communicate with the mother (the mother refuses to speak with us so communications are done through the grandparents and her).I have also heard from the mother's sister that they are even badmouthing me right along with the mother when they talk (saying that they are going to retire so they can take care of the child because he doesn't need to be around someone like me or something stupid like that).The nerve of these people!
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youngatheart
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 09/03/05
Posts: 9400
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Your issue isn't your fiance's parents, it is your fiance. He may have told them, but he hasn't DONE anything about it. I had HORRIBLE problems with my ex's family. The one good thing I can say about him is that he stood up for me. He told them point blank, "if you are going to treat her like this, you will NOT be a part of our lives."
And they weren't...for years. Several years later, when they came back into our lives, their actions and attitudes were 100% different. His mother was able to be a DECENT grandmother to our children. She was able to be friendly to me. She may not have ever LIKED me, but she would no longer bad mouth me either to my face or behind my back because she knew the consequences.
Your fiance is NOT standing up for you. And my suggestion for you would be this. If you want to live like this for the rest of your life, then stay with him. If not, move on, and find someone who will respect and love you enough to protect you.
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