justlorig
journeyman
Reged: 12/03/05
Posts: 89
Loc: New Jersey
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Hey everyone been very busy taking care of dad and trying to work enough hours to keep my medical insurance ... lawyer called and "we are on" for next Wednesday morning ... wish me luck
I still find it so confusing that stbx cheats, lies, moves in with OW and because it is a no fault state that means nothing ... and an equitable distribution state ... he gets half of everything ... including things he had nothing to do with ... rather ironic that all his money went into the truck he gets to keep or the harley ... or he used it up drinking ..smoking... etc.
Miss you gals and guys ... good luck to you all with all of your endeavours
Lori
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Curmudgeon
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 2002
Loc: MO Ozarks
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[quote]I still find it so confusing that stbx cheats, lies, moves in with OW and because it is a no fault state that means nothing.[/quote]
Actually, it means everything. It means he lacks character and you're better off without him.
The law may dictate that he gets half of everything but years from now you'll probably be where I arrived. In the end I decided that the divorce would have been cheap at twice the price!
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What me worry. I'm retired!
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NancyD
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 2105
Loc: New York
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Yes, sometimes it looks like cheaters prosper. It always looks like that at this point in the divorce.
But when you least expect it, they get their come-uppance. It may be a few years down the road, but I've seen it happen.
From the sound of it, he will fritter away his share of the marital proceeds. I don't think a truck and motorcycle are long-term investments that will end up increasing in value. On the other hand, without him to be constantly draining you of money, you will be able to use your money in much smarter ways.
Things may be hard at first, especially if you are juggling care for your father with working. And when your father passes, it may even seem like you hit your darkest hours, but remember that others have gone through very similar experiences and have come through to greater things; A better life, a richer life—not always monetarily. It's there if you look for it.
Good luck on Wednesday. If you need courage, do what Ginni did: draw a heart on the palm of your hand (or a piece of paper), and write our names inside. When you need a boost, look at the heart, and know that we are with you.
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KiwiGirl
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/09/05
Posts: 6271
Loc: Plains State
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Good luck and best wishes for Wednesday.
I know it doesn't seem fair. I lost out on my husband's inheritance in another country through our divorce. I could have had a nice share of that $1million in property and stocks and shares. He sold his Harley in NZ before I could get a lein on it and took the money to his home country and bought another one.
I felt as though all I worked and supported had gone and I was valueless. All I was good for was being a mother.
Fast forward 6 years and all his money has gone and he has a mortgage out on that freehold home. He isfacing surgery for a pinched nerve in his spine which requires a 7 day hospital stay and 6 weeks off work. He has remarried but it seems she keeps her money VERY separate from his.
Me? Remarried and bought a house. I have all I need and want in this world. Most of it being totally priceless and has no material value. I am happy for the first time in forever. And THAT is what is important. I am at peace with my life.
You will reach this place. It doesn't seem fair right now but when your ex makes another slef-centred purchase, you can sit back and be a little relieved you are no longer tied into his schemes.
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If I can't be part of the solution I insist on being most of the problem
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Jill
enthusiast
Reged: 09/19/05
Posts: 211
Loc: Oregon
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You have my best wishes, as well. My hearing is next Monday (does it ever end?).
It seems that the responsible, fair people are the ones who get hurt the most. Eventually what goes around, comes around (I hope).
It's so heart-warming to hear support from the others here. I hope the hearing goes well for you and you can finally put an end to the stress.
Jill
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NancyD
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 2105
Loc: New York
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Hey Lori,
Please let us know how things went.
<<<HUGS>>>
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focusedon2
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 12/10/05
Posts: 2136
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Ditto. Here's hoping things go well. [quote] ctually, it means everything. It means he lacks character and you're better off without him. [/quote]
I ditto that! At least you'll find peace in your life. Good luck!
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Jill
enthusiast
Reged: 09/19/05
Posts: 211
Loc: Oregon
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We're here to offer support. Hope things went well for you!
Jill
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justlorig
journeyman
Reged: 12/03/05
Posts: 89
Loc: New Jersey
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trying to figure out why I can't find my responses ... try again
divorce is finalized ... dual judgement .... he gets truck, motorcycle, equipment and tools and I have to pay $150,000 so I can keep the house ... he cheats ... I pay ... sighing ... and then he walks me to car and says he loves me and did not mean to hurt me and called a few more times afterwards ... so confusing... someone said this should be liberating ... not for me ... painful ..21 years and I have a piece of paper saying it's over ... huggers to all who offered well wishes and thoughts
Lori
don't mean to rush answer home quick on lunch ... can't seem to find my long version of answer
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Jill
enthusiast
Reged: 09/19/05
Posts: 211
Loc: Oregon
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Do you think it was a fair settlement?
At least you don't have to "settle" for a lying cheater in your life, either.
Take care.
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