Mom2Girls
addict
Reged: 06/14/05
Posts: 461
Loc: RI
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Hi,
I was just reading the last thread and I believe it was Maury who said something about if the decline in the childrens grades is significant then the poster might be able to file for a custody change...
I dont know anything about the posters ex wife or that situation but I myself have a middle schooler and one in HS, I have a constant battle with my oldest (14) with grades. I posted here back in January concerned that her decline in grades was going to end up as a reflection on my parenting because I was at the end of my rope over it.
I cut way back on PC and TV time, and telephone time, and implimented other changes but her grades stayed the same. I went so far, to cover my own azz against any claims it was my fault by making a "Homework Log" book (hard cover marble notebook with pages divided, dated, and homework listed and times spent on each assignment and had the kids and I sign the book every day.
I wonder though, in some situations, such as mine, where the 14 yr old only missed 3 days of school, and I had several documented telephone conferences with her math teacher (worst grades in math) if in spite of all my efforts this will still be a poor reflection on me.
I am always lecturing my daughter, who is in fact doing her homework, but seems to freeze up on her tests, and in turn her grades this past quarter were a D again in math and a C- in social Studies and a D in Science and a B in English. It seems the older she gets the more she just doesnt get how important her grades really are and I hate the fact I see myself at 14 in the way she is acting and I guess I am fighting with her and my own regrets trying to get her motivated.
At what point is it a parents fault or a reflection on a parent? If you knew my ex you would understand my concern, the man does nothing but tell stories to everyone about how I have no parenting skills and I already warned my daughter that she is setting me up for trouble with her father unless things change. In turn I am met with huge eyes briming with tears pleading with me to believe she tried so hard...again but didnt do better.
I already had the 1 on 1 tutor thing with her and the math teacher. The schiece teacher...well he was a wacko (long story..punished everyone in class if 1 kid was talking by failing everyone on whatever work they were doing in class etc)...
What is a parent to do when the kid just doesnt understand ramifications for poor grades????
Mom of 2 Girls 
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Buckeye
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 12/08/05
Posts: 7857
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I think there has to be more to a change of custody than just grades. BM of my SIL's kids has been in contempt 3 times for denial of custody.
A lot of the things that will be used against her, in of themselves, are not reasons to change custody BUT being in contempt of court 3 times for the same darn thing PLUS these things, is enough to have the courts look at a change.
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hippie1981
veteran
Reged: 09/27/05
Posts: 1304
Loc: Wisconsin
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Does she do good on the homework, but just have problems with the tests? This could be test anxiety. My STBX had this pretty bad in college. As other people finished a test ahead of him, the more anxious he would become and the worse he would do. He did good if he took the tests alone or if the teacher would give him an oral test. I just thought I would throw that out there since it sounds to me like your daughter is really trying, but still can't get good grades.
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ZeeBabester
journeyman
Reged: 09/06/04
Posts: 66
Loc: CT, by the shore, with my hub...
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Cs & Ds are passing grades, not everyone can get Bs & As. Don't put that kind of pressure on your kid. As long as she is doing her best, that is all that matters. You nagging and pressuring her willonly make it worse for the kid. Lighten up.
The only way that grades would be a matter for a custody change would be if she had been an honor student and then suddenly because of you her grades plummeted and/or she became a discipline problem at school.
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~Domestic Goddess~
~All should worship at the altar that is I~
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NancyD
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 2105
Loc: New York
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I would get a tutor (and not just an upperclassman honors student) to check over her work habits. They may be able to pinpoint just where she is slipping in her understanding of the math.
Myself, I was great at geometry (it's very visual...and as an artist, I needed to know how to make hexagrams, or to divide an angle), but when I started taking calculus, I was lost. To me, that was more a "philosophy" than math, LOL.
If you have a Sylvan or Huntington Center near you, it might be worth the $$ to have her take a course there this summer, rather then the local summer school, as they advertise that they look for the point that the child starts to faulter, and that's where they focus their attention.
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