jamesjr
newbie
Reged: 04/12/06
Posts: 38
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So i met up with my stbx today.we usually go out for dinner once a week.why you might ask? Because i'm weak.she has a guy she left me for but know tells me there having problems.I guess i got excited thinking of the possibility she might want to come back.she calls me the other day in a panic asking me is something going on or is there something i need to tell her.this is her game.sucking me in and i go running to her.She does this every few weeks.she admits she does this but then says we need time apart.but guess who calls? Yep...she does and i falter.she says sometimes she wishes we could get back together.Even went as far as saying she wished we would of separated and worked on the marriage knowing that she could always come back.I tell her i'm dating.maybe thats why she calls?
anyway...today we go out for dinner and we always kinda play around and flirt with each other.one thing lead to another and we had sex.first time since she left 6 months ago for me.it was great to be with her again.afterwards i asked if she felt guilty towards the other guy.nope...she says because of how long we were married.she said everything was fine,as long as we didnt talk about it.i'm sure she will be back screwing her boyfriend tomorrow.as more time goes on i find myself making less contact and her more.i would like to give it another shot but i cant trust her,as she was the one who cheated initially.I dont know if she was horny,or old feelings,or just throwing me a bone.
just not sure how to respond to this.
anybody?
jamesjr.
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BeachBabeRN
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 01/16/06
Posts: 3051
Loc: VA for 21 years, NC forever!
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I have read and re-read your posts and I'm just utterly amazed that you would permit someone to have this much control over you, your life, your thoughts, your feelings.....and now to go to BED with this b!tch?
Have you LOST your flippin' mind?
This is control and manipulation, pure and simple -- let me tell him what he wants to hear, it's okay for me to CHEAT on my new boyfriend the way I cheated on my HUSBAND because of the length of time we were married? What kind of logic is that?
You tell her you're dating, she calls. What happens if you DON'T tell her you're dating? WHY are you having dinner with her once a week?
Run, don't walk in the other direction -- move out of town, out of state, out of the country for God's sake but don't let her control you any longer! Her ego must be huge right now --
If you want to give it another shot, then do it but be prepared that the same damn thing will happen again and again and again -- are you REALLY as whipped as you sound like you are?
Geez louise, I'd NEVER do this to someone -- and for the record, I'm a woman -- what she's doing is awful but you permitting it is just giving her license to play with your feelings and emotions.
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Curmudgeon
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 2004
Loc: MO Ozarks
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Playin' him like a violin. Hope her boyfriend is "clean." If not, James may end up with the gift that keeps on giving.
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What me worry. I'm retired!
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Debi
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 7139
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Since we've 'talked' off the board I may have more insight and info than some of the others, but sweetie I agree wholeheartedly with BeachBabe! You can't keep doing this to yourself! Stop having dinner with her, stop trying to hang on. She wants both of you, she can't make up her mind and you're allowing her to do it. If you want a chance then you tell her NOT to call you unless he's out of her life for good. That will be the quickest way to find out if she's playing you or not. Telling you that she doesn't feel guilty is telling you that she respects no one. Not you, not him, not herself. Don't you think she told him she didn't feel guilty about cheating on you?
Come on James you have to know you deserve better than that. Take it for what it was worth..... Good $ex and don't let it happen again.
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When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now, I think it's time you kept your promise.
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nrvouswrk
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 04/13/06
Posts: 2362
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James did you say that you are currently dating someone else? Do you think sleeping with your STBX was fair to her?
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jamesjr
newbie
Reged: 04/12/06
Posts: 38
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I know all of you are right.Everyone tells me the same thing,she is just playing me.She gets her new guy,her old guy,and everything in between.Its just so hard to put words into action.I find myself so lonely and when she calls i jump at the chance.I know,its sad the state i am in.
So today she calls and says thats it,were done.Says that she cant keep doing this to both of us.we just need to get divorced and move on.she says from now on when she has these feelings to see or talk to me,she wont.she also said that she is going to really try and make it work with her new man.even though just last week she said she was tired of all his habits and wanted to break up with him.she says our hanging out yesterday was a test to see if she still had feelings for me.she said everything was great but something was missing for her.me too.thats the part i wanted to work on with her.
part of me has always known it wasnt going to work and i was prolonging things.this seemed to be the final nail? or is it.my friends today tell me...just wait,she will call in a few weeks when she gets tired of him again.i dont think so but i dont even know if i want to talk to her.she tells me she loves me and she says she feels bad for always leading me on.but like people say,if she really cared she wouldnt put me thru this,right?
she is just so selfish,thinking of only herself.i told her she is going to be sorry for the choices she made in life and how everyone hates her new guy and also what she has put me thru.she tells me all of our friends and family give her [censored] for her choices.thats what makes it tough for her to decide.she says she really was considering coming back until this weekend.i guess the sex part is what pushed her too far,even though she says that wasnt it.
Now i'm really bummed and upset because she said its over.most people say i should rejoice,run as fast as i can and be happy.she will only end up more messed up than she already is.but i cant.....i still love her.
jamesjr.
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AnneB
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 09/21/05
Posts: 3645
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I think she is selfish and doesn't love anyone but herself. I hope you can ignore her the next time she calls or you are setting yourself up for more hurt. If she had mixed feelings, she would step away from everyone until she sorted her feelings out. She is just doing whatever she feels like on any given day--you and the other guy are just her puppets on a string. When she pulls the string, you are supposed to dance to her tune. Otherwise, you just stay on the shelf until she wants to get you out again.
Don't do this to yourself.
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rocketgirl
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/24/04
Posts: 8562
Loc: On the beach in 14 years...
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Umm...how many times does she have to call and say it's over before you actually tell her.. YEP, it is. Don't call me, don't email me, don't text me, don't screw with me anymore. You need to grow a set and tell her to get lost.
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Lisa
Diplomacy - the art of telling someone to go to hell, and them looking forward to the trip.
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yregna
veteran
Reged: 07/25/06
Posts: 1265
Loc: Oregon
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It sure sounds like you are the backup guy. When the primary is unavailable for some reason, call the backup guy.
If the backup guy becomes unavailable, there is always another one to take his place.
It is a great system 'cause there is always some one available.
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"Anything free is worth what you pay for it..."
"Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get"
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Debbie_L
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 06/06/05
Posts: 2031
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I'm probably going to sound a bit brutal here, but I will say it anyways. You sound absolutely pathetic. What kind of a patsy are you? There is NOTHING you have to discuss with her, no need to see her, no getting together, NOTHING! You have been a fool and you really have to get some self respect and stop it. She knows this about you and she's using it to her advantage. Stop feeding her ego. As it stands right now you are pathetic - stop doing this to yourself. Break off ALL contact with this ex - there is no reason to see her or talk. You don't have kids together, right? Break it off!
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