Tabitha
addict
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 481
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Hi everyone. I would appreciate any insight or opinions on this matter. Not sure how much background to give, but here goes....
Background: My son is 5. Dad left us almost 4 years ago and is now married to OW. He was (and still is) in a band with OW. I have not seen OW since that time - I think she actually feels ashamed and has avoided any situation where she might encounter me at all costs. I'm talking about won't even be in the car to drop our son off after visits, etc. The last contact I've ever had with her is her sending me a nasty letter telling me why my husband left me for her - to which I replied and basically told her how dare she write to me after what she did to our family and that if she ever contacted me again I would slap a restraining order on her so fast it would make her head spin. Okay, so not the nicest thing in the world, but hey, at least it worked!
Anyway, ex just called and asked me to bring our son to a family-oriented outdoor concert that his band would be playing in. He said he wanted his son to see his "old man" play. Now you have to understand, this is a big deal. He's not very involved in his son's life, has paid a whopping total of $300 in child support in the entire past year and for him to actually think ahead and invite us is quite a shocker.
My dilemma. Do I go ahead and be the bigger person and take my son to this concert to see his father play, or do I avoid an uncomfortable situation where I will very likely encounter OW? Opinions, please.
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"You never really know a person until you divorce them."
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Moi
old hand
Reged: 05/28/05
Posts: 784
Loc: DFW, TX
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I say go and bring a date. Hire one if you have to ;-) And make sure he's really cute! Show her that you are not going to be scared off by her!
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Every storm cloud has a silver lining. Will you capitalize on it or b*tch about the storm?
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NancyD
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 2105
Loc: New York
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I LOVE Moi's idea. If this is a big enough event that you could sit close enough to be "seen" but not have to interact with the members of the band, definitely go with a male friend who is "in" on the plan and can play the part.
But if that's not possible, try to wrangle together a small group of mom's with their kids to be with...have a great picnic lunch or supper and make sure you all laugh it up in the park between numbers.
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Karen1
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 1794
Loc: Ohio
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From my experience running into stbx and OW at an event for my future daughter in law, I suggest you go. My post is below regarding how I conducted myself and speaking with stbx. They spent most of the time sort of hiding out in an alcove around the corner from everyone and they did not look comfortable. I on the other hand had a great time, and the boost to my esteem continues today.
Karen
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"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened".
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Tabitha
addict
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 481
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Hi guys. Thanksfor the insight. I did think of taking a date. In fact, I have a gorgeous friend I was thinking of calling. Hopefully he'll be able to come on short notice, as the concert is tonight. I also thought of just not going, but I asked my best friend how her kids felt about seeing their musician father play and she said how proud it made them. I don't want to deny my son that because of my silly insecurities! That is my reservation though - going alone. I go alone (or with my son) to things all the time, but for some reason, I feel like I would be much more comfortable with someone else there with me. Plus, I have heard that the OW is the type to throw fits of jealous rage and I certainly wouldn't want her to think I had designs on my ex. So, what if my friend can't go? Should I go alone? Silly because I pick up and take my son to stuff like that all the time - just me and him - and we have a blast - usually meet some cool people, etc. Why should this be any different?
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"You never really know a person until you divorce them."
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