Melanie1
addict
Reged: 12/09/05
Posts: 587
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Hi Everyone,
To those who are recovered or feel they have gotten passed the pain of divorce and are dating. How goes it? Has it been difficult getting back into the swing of things? How have you met any dates? How long did you wait before dating again?
Would love to hear about your experiences. The best date; the worst; whatever.
I just started dating this summer. It's been about 2 1/2 years since the divorce and 4 1/2 since we physically split up. And it was just this late spring, early summer when I began to feel I was ready to venture out and date. It was a huge decision for me. I had opportunities in the past, but when anyone approached me, I backed off big time. In fact, I practically ran the other way!
Anyway, I dated a few guys and so far no luck. One, as I wrote about to GAgirl was already attached, but I didn't learn that till after the first few dates (then I ended it quickly once I knew!); the other though very nice, is a bit too old for my liking and I'm about to end that relationship. Or at minimum, let it be known that I'd much prefer to remain just friends. The third, was a one night deal and not worth mentioning, lol.
The one thing I feel that has changed since my pre-married days, is how much I've changed my priorities and what I look for in someone. Also, what's changed is how bottom line oriented I've become.
Here's what I mean. When still single, in my early 20's, before I met and married the X, I was so much more superficial and didn't really have my priorities straight. Back then, I was also so unsure of myself and often twisted myself into a pretzel to be whomever I thought a particular guy, wanted me to be.
Now, I'm looking for someone who is witty and can make me laugh. That is honestly one of the top characteristics that has become so important. Next is having common interests, outlooks on life and also in politics and religion. Last, I want to be able to be totally honest in a relationship. No game playing; no guessing how we feel about each other. I want someone that I can be who I really am with, and if they like me, fine. If not, well then move on :).
Life is too darn short to drag things out, and not be straightforward. I think it was Curmudgeon who said he and Peggy went out on a first date and never looked back. In other words, you hit it off immediately, both of you knew it, and went from there. No "guess how I feel"; "guess if I'm interested"; "guess if I'm married, attached, or otherwise". Am I right? I wonder if that sort of honesty, right from the beginning rarely exists anymore.
Okay, I'm done rambling and creating my dating wish list, lol. What do you guys want? And how have you changed?
Melanie
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The journey of a 1,000 miles begins with a single step. Lao Tzu
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rschiller
old hand
Reged: 08/25/05
Posts: 1014
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Wow Melanie1 you sound so much like me recovering! I too have just tried dating after about five years. Actually I tried this summer, but it has been a disaster so far.
I also place a lot more on personality, sharing the same activities, political beliefs, reading..........
I live in a small town in south TX and I am 46. I don't look too bad for my age, and I feel I have a lot to offer. Most of the men I have met fall into two groups.
1. They don't want someone elses children around.
2. A very valid reason they are divorced. (Wacko mostly)
I was fixed up in May by some teachers I work with, and I went on date one with this guy. A drive on his motor cycle to the beach. By the time we got down to the beach he had offended me about fifty times. He made comments about my house, my car, my job.........He kept saying, "Is your house practical for a school teacher?", "Is that new Durango practical for the living you earn?". I thought what is up with this guy? No man is ever going to tell me how to live my life again. Anyway, he kept calling me after that date, so I stupidly I gave him another chance. It was even worse. I ended up paying for dinner because you could just tell it killed him to buy dinner, and then I found out that he had just seperated from his wife of 25 years. He told me he had been divorced for a long time which was two months for him. Needless to say when he went on a rant about his X I ran for the hills.
I also met a guy this summer at a July 4th party. We went out a few times and I sort of clicked with him. He was just out of his second marriage and you could tell he was still hurting a bit. Anyway, that came to a screaching halt too. First he asked if he could come with my daughter and myself to a festival here in town, then he dumped us for a poker game and wanted me to dump my daughter for the poker game too. Sorry, no go. I gave him another chance and he kept me waiting for 4 hours for dinner and a movie, then got upset with ME when I said I was just going to stay home. That was the end of that, red flags everywhere.
Since August I haven't been on a date and it's very hard to meet people here. I posted in another thread about how to meet decent people my age.
Truthfully, I am completely content being alone, but sometimes when my kids are at their dad's house, I would like to go out with adults. My kids are now 11 and 15, so it won't be long till they are off to college.
I hold hope that God has a plan for me, not sure what it is yet, but I do hold hope. (sorry this was so long)
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gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30199
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"I dated a few guys and so far no luck"
Wow, three guys in the 2.5 years that you have been divorced, AMAZING that you haven't met Mr. Right yet, LMAO!
Dating allows us to get to know someone, and get to know ourselves, but it is also a way to simply spend time with another human being. If you are Hubby Hunting, you are in it for the wrong reasons. And ask ANYONE in a decent relationship, it doesn't come until you STOP looking.
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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rocketgirl
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/24/04
Posts: 8562
Loc: On the beach in 14 years...
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You know what, Great One? You don't know jack squat about Melanie OR her situation. Your nastiness is getting extremely offending. She doesn't HAVE to "hubby hunt" as you so eloquently put it.
Why are you always so freakin nasty to people? You must be a miserable man to always have to put people down and try to make them feel like crap.
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Lisa
Diplomacy - the art of telling someone to go to hell, and them looking forward to the trip.
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NancyD
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 2105
Loc: New York
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She didn't say she had only MET 3 guys in 2.5 half years, just that she had only felt 3 guys were worth trying a date with at all.
You know, GD, it gets to a point where at a certain age (and Melanie and I are both over 50), that the guys you meet can be sussed out in about five minutes. Doesn't mean I'm even looking for a Mr. Right, just that I know a date with them would be a waste of BOTH of our evenings.
OTOH, I do spend evenings with male friends occasionally that are not dates. I know what I am looking for in a partner, and these guys don't have it, but they are still friends. There's no hunting going on, just at my age I'm more relaxed and practical about the whole thing.
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LinusluvsSally
addict
Reged: 08/23/06
Posts: 441
Loc: South Florida
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LOL if she said she had been on 10x as many dates I'm sure she would have been characterized as being too picky.
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Melanie1
addict
Reged: 12/09/05
Posts: 587
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Thanks everyone for your support re: Gr8dad post. I really appreciate it!
But you know what? I read his replies and then don't give them another thought. I realize he is still hurting and has lots of bitterness and anger. And anyone can be a target depending on his mood. Today I wear the bulls eye; tomorrow it'll most likely be someone else.
I just hope his posts don't discourage others from responding or posting at all, for fear of being put down or belittled. That would mean he wins. And that would be a major loss for many.
Melanie
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The journey of a 1,000 miles begins with a single step. Lao Tzu
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Melanie1
addict
Reged: 12/09/05
Posts: 587
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Hi RSChiller,
Thanks for sharing your experiences :). But sorry they weren't too positive!
Like you, I live in a very small town too and the pickens' are pretty slim to say the least, lol. So the chances of meeting a nice guy who I have lots in common with, that is around my age and single, are not so great.
But hope springs eternal :).
Melanie
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The journey of a 1,000 miles begins with a single step. Lao Tzu
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rschiller
old hand
Reged: 08/25/05
Posts: 1014
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Do you ever have a nice thing to say to anyone?
Just curious.........
Hopefully you are not so ummmm, hateful in daily life, hopefully it's just cyber space you act this way.
Just seems like every post I read of yours is not very nice, especially towards women.
Just basing this on my observations.
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Melanie1
addict
Reged: 12/09/05
Posts: 587
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Hi Gr8dad,
At first, I wasn't going to dignify your post with a reply. But then I couldn't resist since I had a burning question; how did you become so wise :)?
Melanie
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The journey of a 1,000 miles begins with a single step. Lao Tzu
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