whohasrights
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Reged: 11/17/06
Posts: 6
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I have physical custody of my child, with my ex having very specific visitation rights, which she has not acted on in about a year and a half. Out of the blue, grandma wants rights - my child is very happy (6 years old), and has adjusted well to his current situation without any contact from the other side of the family. We have not denied any of her requests (so far phone calls only at this point, and she's coming to visit this weekend), however we haven't given into her requests 100%, because of scheduling issues - which she apparently does not understand. When she does not get exactly what she wants at the very moment that she wants it - she threatens to take us to court. Does she stand a chance? She is in another state, which was where the original custody agreement was decided - so she has the potential to make my life miserable. What should I do?
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Maury
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Reged: 06/02/04
Posts: 8146
Loc: This Asylum --->
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Yes, she stands a chance. In most states where there has been a divorce a grandparent can intervene in the proceedings and seek a schedule with the child. That schedule will depend on what parenting schedule each parent has and exercises.
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whohasrights
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Reged: 11/17/06
Posts: 6
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Ok, so how do I avoid the whole court process? We are allowing the visit and have always allowed the phone calls - why go to court?
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Rebecca5
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Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 11697
Loc: Down home.
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What state do you live in? What state was the original order in?
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whohasrights
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Reged: 11/17/06
Posts: 6
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I'm in Virginia, and the original order was set in Kentucky.
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Rebecca5
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Reged: 06/02/05
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Loc: Down home.
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What I DON'T know is which state should/would rule on this issue.
Both states are pretty basic, statute-wise....."best interest of child," etc, etc.....
The few cases that I've heard of in which grandparents were awarded visitation were pretty limited....like 2 phone calls a month, one overnight every two months, and a hint of time around Christmas....unless they were responsible for the raising of the child or some other CLOSE relationship.
Because your child is pretty young still, and doesn't know grandma very well....she probably won't get much, if anything. You have been accommodating, thus far....so I'm not sure what she thinks she's going to get beyond what you've already offered. IF you feel like, for any reason, that grandma would be harmful to your child...or attempt to damage your relationship with the child....I'd be fighting for all I was worth, and calling her bluff. If she's pushy, yet loving....keep doing what you're doing, and simply ignore her threats. If she files....she files.
It seems like you all are doing things the right way....phone calls followed by visits in your home, which I would do a few times.....followed by visits with just grandma, but in your town...and working up to *maybe* going to grandma's if the child is comfortable. I would keep a record of calls, visits, etc...just in case....to show that you HAVE been accommodating. In addition to that, I would help the child recognize grandma's birthday, grandparent's day, grandparent events at school....or just a monthly sending of a hand-drawn picture, or a snap-shot. It will make her feel better, and kill any argument she might have about you keeping the child from her.
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whohasrights
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Reged: 11/17/06
Posts: 6
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The visit went well - and of course she acted as if she never made any threats to us. We did not allow the visit in our home - we met at Chuckie Cheese, mainly because they have security measures that won't allow someone else to take off with your child - which his mom did when he was 1 year old, and went straight to her house with him.
We have been told by an attorney that Kentucky would still rule on this case, as long as his mother still lives in that state. Unfortunately, we have NO idea where she lives - it seems to be a well kept secret........
We have agreed to let grandma take the mother's visitation at Christmas this year - so that should stop any more threats of court action (although you never know.....). Our only fear is he won't be returned to us - but our lawyer told us that there is no legal way to act on a "what if". Grandma has agreed to allow his mother to visit him while he's at her house, but has assured us that he will not be allowed to spend the night at her house - because she doesn't think her own daughter is a good mother.
I guess all we can do is wait and see. Like I said, we talked with a lawyer, and if we don't let him go at Christmas - we go to jail! I don't think they will physically harm him in anyway - all we can do is hope they return him to us - if not, they get charged with kidnapping, since it's over state lines.
Thanks for the advice, and I'll keep you posted.
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despedina
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Reged: 08/14/06
Posts: 697
Loc: Hillsboro, MO
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I would want to know her address and phone number before sending the child.
"Like I said, we talked with a lawyer, and if we don't let him go at Christmas - we go to jail! "
How is that? When one refuses visitation based on a court order they don't go to jail, and you don't have any court order with the grandmother.....
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whohasrights
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Reged: 11/17/06
Posts: 6
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No, we do not have a court order with the Grandmother - but she has already said that she would "encourage" the mother to request him for Christmas if we didn't let him go with her she would "take us through a custody battle that would change all of our lives for years to come" (real nice, huh - can't wait til her grandson is old enough for her to have to explain that statement to him). The lawyer said we could be thrown in jail if she requests him and we say no. Even if we don't go to jail, it would certainly stir up the whole issue all over again, and since we have physical custody now - we don't want "mom" to re-think her position on this and try to get physical custody for herself. I'm still under the belief that courts would rather award custody to mom than to dad - so I don't want to take any chances of losing him again. So basically I feel like I'm caught between a rock and a hard place - and without stiring up a hornets nest and taking the chance of losing custody - I don't know what to do. I do want my son to have a relationship with his extended family - I just don't like being pushed around and threatened.
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despedina
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Reged: 08/14/06
Posts: 697
Loc: Hillsboro, MO
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Don't let them push you around. I'm sorry but your lawyer is kind of wrong, you have a better chance of being hit by a meteor than be thrown in jail for denying visitation one time. I denied one time and all they did was write a report, and the cop even said he doubted anyone would do anything about it. I'm not saying you should deny completely I'm just saying don't let them bully you because you are afraid of jail.
Also you can claim abandonment on a mom who hasnt' visited in 1 1/2 years. If you have a spouse, you may be able to get mom's parental rights removed and your spouse could adopt, it really depends on the whole picture. I know that is how it works here in Missouri.
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