Melanie1
addict
Reged: 12/09/05
Posts: 587
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Hello All,
First I want to thank all of you for helping me get through a really rough few days. Your support, advice, and understanding are priceless and true gifts of kindness.
Now for an update. The boys went to X's ski condo Friday night and returned last night around 6:30. It rained the entire time and they never got to ski. But they did go to this fun place called "Big" which is an indoor recreational nirvana for teens. It has laser tag, bowling, rock climbing walls, video games, and a snack bar. It was always a favorite of theirs in the area. So even though they didn't get to ski, they did have fun.
As soon as they walked in the door I had dinner on the table and homemade Christmas cookies (which unfortunately I burnt, but they ate them anyway, lol). Before anything was said, YS handed me a bouquet of flowers with pretty ribbon tied around them. I was so touched. I thanked him and gave him a big hug. I asked him what the special occassion was and he said he went into a gas station on the way home, saw the flowers, thought of me and bought them. A simple gesture, yet one that almost brought tears to my eyes. How kind and thoughtful on his part.
After dinner, the boys went upto OS's room to play some new video game they had and I watched a bit of tv. Then YS came downstairs and we watched Home Improvement w/Tim Allen on TIVO. This show has been a family favorite for years, that to this day, still cracks us up even though we must have seen every episode 10 times :). At 10, I went to bed and so did YS. OS is a night owl and was still up. He'll sleep till 11 or noon.
So everything worked out in the end for all my obsessing and worrying. That's not to say X isn't a creep for trying to hijack my time and sabatoge my Christmas with the boys. It still bothers me and I have an unsavory after taste in my mouth, just thinking about how it could have turned out, had I not spoken up.
I've learned a very valuable lesson from it all, and that is to stand up for myself, don't put up and shut up just to keep the peace, and to talk honestly and openly with my kids about my feelings. In the past I would have said or did nothing, let the X take over, not tell the kids how I was feeling. I also would have thought I was protecting them by doing so. But now I know that by doing so, I wasn't doing anyone any favors. I was teaching the kids that the X's feelings matter and mine don't. That it's okay to not honor committments or accept boundaries.
Hope I'm making sense. In any case, this morning YS and I will go guitar shopping. He wants an acoustic one and since I know nothing about guitars, we decided we'd shop for one together for his Christmas present. We were supposed to go Friday or yesterday, but X took up that time, so today is it. Then all 3 of us will go out to a favorite restaurant for dinner.
Thanks again everyone for listening and putting up with me.
Melanie
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The journey of a 1,000 miles begins with a single step. Lao Tzu
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thisaintBB
enthusiast
Reged: 04/18/06
Posts: 244
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glad things are better for you and I agree about standing up for yourself
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Karen1
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 1794
Loc: Ohio
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Doesn't it just all seem better when you are with your kids? And what a sweet thing, getting your flowers. I had pneumonia and had to cancel out on going to lunch with my son and d-i-l when they were up here for a few short hrs. I felt so bad that I was not up to making the drive to where they were. They had just a certain amount of time, hence I was going to meet them close to where they were.
A while later the door bell rang, and there they stood, with a pretty bouquet of red garden roses. I was really touched as I knew this would put them late getting to CIncinnati and to a function they had to be at (d-i-l's CHristmas party at the company she just recently started working for). The visit and the flowers meant so much to me. ANd I can tell that your son getting you flowers means a lot to you, and am happy for you!
There is nothing wrong in letting your kids know when their Dad is cutting into your time with them and even more so when it is CHristmas. I think you handled that great with your kids and I feel certain they will remember it.
Have a very Merry Christmas!!!
Karen
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"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened".
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MickeyInTexas
recently joined
Reged: 12/25/06
Posts: 7
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Hey Miss Mel,
Glad to see your growth but not surprising as you've been an amazing woman all along. I cannot get over that your boys are so grown up! I shouldn't be when in relation my kids are now 30 and 20!!
Kids are doing great. Son is on his way with a beautiful young lady who thinks the world of him. Daughter has been transferred back to my area for the first time since graduating college. Very proud of her. She will be working 28-day rotations in Angola. A little scary but still very proud of her. Have spent most of the holiday break from the school district helping her and SIL move into their beautiful new home, but it's been a blast!
If you lived closer my hubby could help out with the guitar. He is an excellent teacher and knows everything about guitars. After almost 40 years playing guitar he is really great. He mostly plays blues but as any accomplished musician he has the appreciation of all types of music. I hear all the time from his audiences that he plays like Stevie Ray Vaughn would play today if he had lived. Makes me proud but mostly I just love being engulfed in his music.
Keep on being the great lady you are, Miss Mel. You are awesome!
Mickey
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