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Reged: 01/28/07
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Continuing conjugal basis--Interpretation PLEASE!
      #192744 - 01/28/07 12:30 PM

My ex-wife and I divorced in May 05. When we had the divorce decree finalized, I agreed to pay for maintenance monthly and since we were in Illinois, the stipulation under termination of maintenance has a specific date (October 1,2007), death, remarriage, or the continuing conjugal basis resident clause.

In Feb 06, her father had a severe accident in which she decided to move and take our children to her parent's house and care for her father. Her mother is currently in a nursing home and will not be returning. At the time, we discussed this issue as it related tothe "continuing, conjugal basis" because she was concerned I would balk at this. It also should be known that prior to this she was operating a daycare from her home and this change meant her income was reduced to my maintenance plus her child support.

However, since that period of time, the father has made a full recovery by summer 06 and my ex-wife still lives there, with the children, without a job, still collecting my maintenance and child support. While I understand that this doesn't constitute the normal "conjugal" basis, I have talked to her about what her future plans are and she has said in definitive terms that she is not seeking anything until the date of the termination of maintenance, and even then, is just considering going back to school.

Number 1, I don't think this is right, because this was not the pretense of why she made the move, and technically, there's no need for her to be there any longer for his care on a day-to-day basis. She does provide homecare, cooking, cleaning, laundry, and of course her father provides a lot of the costs associated with the residence, even purchasing her a new van.

Number 2, the opportunities and priorities here are not being taken care of; the children have life's necessities, but her decision to not work obviously puts them in a financial quandry every day, and I don't believe that's fair of her; I realize this portion comes down to a custody issue which I am seriously considering, but I am putting this in because it does play a part in my line of thinking.

What is your feelings on whether this is a resident, continuing conjugal basis? Should I contact an attorney?


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Carpal \'Tunnel

Reged: 06/01/04
Posts: 20593
Loc: Third rock from the sun
Re: Continuing conjugal basis--Interpretation PLEASE! [Re: illini1]
      #192787 - 01/28/07 03:19 PM

What is your feelings on whether this is a resident, continuing conjugal basis?

---> In order for you to have a "conjugal basis", she would have to be having a sexual relationship with the person she is "living" with...obviously, this is not the case.

Should I contact an attorney?

---> Yes, but only to the extent of consulting for purposes of being pro-active in that she might try to have alimony extended because she was caring for her father. Otherwise, you're going to spend more money in attorney's fees (including having to pay for hers) than what paying the for the next nine months is going to cost you.

If you air your dirty linen in public, expect people to comment on the skid marks!

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Carpal \'Tunnel

Reged: 10/05/06
Posts: 27897
Re: Continuing conjugal basis--Interpretation PLEASE! [Re: Gecko]
      #192896 - 01/29/07 07:09 AM

You agreed to pay for a certain period, why the change now, why do you want to stop paying, and why do you care who is paying the rent. The kids have a good roof over their head, I assume they are going to school, and there is a male influence you probably trust. Is this really the battle your fighting, or are trying to not pay and have more money. Not paying money out is a legitimate battle, but whats really going on. What needs of the children are not being met, and how would they be met if the situation were different and she was paying rent and a car payment. Personally, I would probably let it go, visit the kids, and continue to march. This may be a better thing than her living alone.

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old hand

Reged: 07/11/05
Posts: 874
Loc: Rochester, MN
Re: Continuing conjugal basis--Interpretation PLEASE! [Re: illini1]
      #192903 - 01/29/07 08:13 AM

This issue hardly seems worth expending energy on.
You cannot force your ex to better herself or to live in rental accommodations. You have 9 more spousal support payments owing to her. Is it really worth your time/money to fight something you cannot win?

Here's a definition of conjugal:

"Pertaining or relating to marriage; suitable or applicable to married people."

"Conjugal rights are those that are considered to be part and parcel of the state of matrimony, such as love, sex, companionship, and support."

I'm sure you would agree that this definition does not apply to the relationship of your ex-wife and her father.

Maybe you should stop trying to split hairs, and concentrate on continuing to build a great relationship with your kids, which can be difficult under the best of post-divorce situations. Let it go.

Experience is a wonderful thing.
It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

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Reged: 08/14/10
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Nude pictures of my friend? Is it true? How to open it?? *DELETED* [Re: Lucy44]
      #682800 - 08/15/10 09:25 AM

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