jo22
recently joined
Reged: 08/03/06
Posts: 9
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I need some advice on my stepdaughter. She lives 4000 miles away from her father and I. My husband was deployed to Iraq and while gone her mother would call me to talk to her because she was throwing temper tantrums...she was 10. I always talked to her to find out what was going on. Mom says that she would tell her that she hates her and stuff. I even offered for her to come live with me for the rest of the yr last yr. Mom said she thought about it and decided not to. When my husband came home on leave last summer she came and spent 3 weeks with us. She told us she wanted to stay with us. Father talked to mom and mom said no. There has been abuse by the step father with CPS called out both times but one time only filled. Never knew about it until 6 months later and mom decided to tell us. Mom tells her that she is going to leave the stepfather. She never does she wants to make her marrige work. She goes back home and we don't hear from her for a few months. Called every week leaving messages and no return. Now mom calls and says she needs help with her. Her grades are falling and she doesn;t do her homework. This is a few months from when my husband is suppose to return home. So again I talk to her. My husband is home and she is now 11. She has been to multiple counslors. She still calls to tell us about the grades and my husband offers for her to come live with us for the rest of the school year. Mom says no that will not solve the problem.
The other day mom called to tell my husband that she(step daughter) told her that she has thought about suicide. She went to the counslor and they talked. Two days later she banged her head into the floor. She went to the counslor and they had a conference with my husband. Counslor agreed with what he hold her. ( that the daughter needs to listen to her mother). Now they have put her on a medication thinking she is bipoloar. Do you think living with us will help?? I feel helpless in this.
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asurvivor
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/14/05
Posts: 3410
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Your SD is a tween and those a hormonal years for girls. She's going through alot. Is her body changing and stuff like that. Was the school informed that SD was "suicidal". I"m sorry...she only threatened suicide right. That was her PLEA FOR ATTENTION! Medicating her does not give her attention.
I think the change of homes would probably help SD. But right now she needs serious counseling. I don't know the whole story with the abuse but if I were I wouldn't want to live there either.
At her age too, she's rebelling to see what she can get away with. NOt doing homework and be from a million things. Being 4000 miles away is tough and I'm glad that BM is willing to talk to you and reach out to you. That's a good sign but if BM isn't allowing SD to try it with you and BF and then what options are you thinking of?
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jo22
recently joined
Reged: 08/03/06
Posts: 9
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She asked her mother if she ever thought about it. Mom said no and she said I have. She is pleaing for attention...little sister is sick and getting alot.
Mom doesn't want her to come live with us cause she said it won't solve anything.
Mom also told her that after the abuse she was gonna leave the SD. Then 6 months later she told her she was gonna make her marriage work
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jo22
recently joined
Reged: 08/03/06
Posts: 9
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SD here for the summer and she is starting to tell us that she doesn't want to go home. She wants to stay with us and the things that her SD does to her. Mom will not let her move in with us
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BeckaLeigh
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/08/05
Posts: 6875
Loc: Texas
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If nothing else, if you think you can take her word for this stuff with the stepdad, try to talk mom into it. If you cant, you can always go to court to file for reversal of custody on the basis that SF abused her and is still living with them. I am NOT calling your SD a liar, but remember, alot of chldren will scream abuse when they want what they cant have or when they think the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. Best of luck to you.
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I tried being normal once. Worst five minutes of my life.
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jo22
recently joined
Reged: 08/03/06
Posts: 9
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We know that he has hit her and is very mean towards her. CS still didn't contact my husband she was sent to her grandparents. She is at her grandparents alot b/c of him. We have talked to mom but she just will not say yes. I don't understand why mom would put her through all that and not let her come to her father. He only wants what best for her. We are working on the custody thing.
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CiCi
addict
Reged: 03/28/07
Posts: 493
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I don't understand why you haven't raced back to court to have the child removed from the home where she has been abused!!! Her father and mother (and hopefully you, step-mom) are the only advocates she has and if her mother is spineless and won't get out from under the thumb of abuse, then it's up to whoever will do whatever to KEEP THE GIRL SAFE!!! Don't let her go home and continue to be berated, abused - whatever it is that's happening in her custodial home.
Get a lawyer A.S.A.P. and file an emergency temporary order.
I'm sorry if I'm over-reacting here, but abuse is a sore subject with me and it's something I personally won't tolorate for one split second. If I thought for a minute that my daughter was in harms way, I'd do whatever it took to work her into safety!!!
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Remember: A clean house is the sign of a wasted life.
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jo22
recently joined
Reged: 08/03/06
Posts: 9
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We didn't find out that it happened until 6 months later when mom told us. We live in different states and at the time my husband was overseas and there was nothing I could do.Being that it happened over a year ago not sure if we can get emergency temporary order. SD also show favorits over her and his son. He also talks hateful to her. We would have to get an attorney in the other state.
My husband feels the same way you do. He has domestic violance on him...which he slapped her as she was pushing him out of a moving vechile. He is not proud of that and hasn't did it ever again. So when he says something to mom she always brings that up. (happened over 10 yrs ago)
The judge also dismissed the charges but it is still on his record and he regrets it.
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