gonetolong
recently joined
Reged: 02/12/07
Posts: 16
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My Story
married 23yrs to a very wonderful woman who I Love every much. On Jan 22 she tells me on the phone that she wants a divorce and that she been unhappy for about 3 years. I'm working in Iraq for a US company. Wife says we have grown apart and have nothing in common anymore and that she feels there is nothing for her in this marriage. She done this same thing back in 2001 but we worked it out until now. After talking with my daughter the next day I found out though her that my wife has been talking with another guy she knew from high school and my wife tells me they are just good friend and she can talk to him. She say there has been no sex but came very close(I dont know what came close means)I dont want to say it but I believe they have sleep together, but she doesnt want to tell me the truth. I have back off and we only talk by email, and I have been waiting for her to email me before I wil answer her emails. yesterday she emails me to see how I have been doing and if I need anything, we havent talked on the phone for 6 days. She knows that I love her and has told me she knows that because that what made this hard for her to tell me she was unhappy and wanted to seek a divorce. I need some advice.
I have already been told to go home and not worry about this job, but if she does go though with the divorce I will need to start over with my life.
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Curmudgeon
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 2002
Loc: MO Ozarks
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I'm sorry you're going through this. All else aside, starting your life over isn't always a bad thing. There IS life after divorce, even following a long-term marriage (25 years in my case) and it can be wonderful if you permit it to be.
Still, I hope the two of you can work things out. You probably do need to go home if saving your marriage is a priority for you.
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What me worry. I'm retired!
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Karen1
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 1794
Loc: Ohio
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I also am sorry you are going through this. And damned mad that you get told this over the phone while you are in Iraq. My brother is in Iraq, also working for a US company. If my s-i-l did this to him..... I would be damned mad also.
She could not wait until you are home? If doing this was so hard for her because she knows you love her.. then why did she not have the decency and common courtesy to wait until you are home and tell you in person? IMO she is a coward and that is why she did it this way, because she cannot face you.
That said, if it is possible for you to take some "vacation time" from the job and go home for a few days that is what would advise you to do. Can you do this and then return to the job? I know that it may be a contract job and contracts are different etc. However, maybe you can get a better feel for the lay of the land if you are there in person?
BTW...welcome, although sorry for the circumstance that brings you here.
Karen
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"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened".
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GeorgiaPeach
newbie
Reged: 02/09/07
Posts: 31
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Many of my friends' husbands had to give up their international careers to save their marriages. There comes a point when the money is not worth it. You need to ask yourself, which is more important.
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Karen1
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 1794
Loc: Ohio
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GP... Yeah I get the part about giving up career to save the marriage. That was not the point of my post though..
My point was... she did not wait and tell him in person. Instead she took what I consider to be a coward's way out. Couldn't she have continued with whatever she is doing and waited til he got home to tell him?
That is my point. Personally, I would not stay with anyone who took more than one year of a job in a different country.. or even a far off state unless he came home every weekend. But I would NOT tell him it was over via the phone or e mail... that seems low and cruel to me.
The OP has a decision to make. My advice still is to go home at the least for a short time and see what is what. If it is definately over and he wants to continue with the contract job, his choice. If she would try to work on the marriage if he were home, then my advice would be to stay home.
WIth "gonetolong" as the log in... something tells me he already knows he has been gone from home too long.
\For me, the money for one year would not be worth it. My brother had over 25 family members telling him the same thing. Thing is he is a cop, and ex military. The Iraqi police are almost the same as their military. My brother's feeling is that the sooner the police are more self sufficient, as well as their army, then the sooner our military will be out of there. So he went for one year, but that is it. ANd he will be home SUnday!! 6 more days and my worry for his safety i n Iraq will be over.
Is going to be party time!!!
Karen
Karen
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"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened".
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GeorgiaPeach
newbie
Reged: 02/09/07
Posts: 31
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Sunday! How wonderful! I wish you and your family much happiness in that. Party time,it is.
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Debbie_L
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 06/06/05
Posts: 2031
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I hate to say it, but it sounds like your wife has already left the marriage. You were just the last to know. Not sure if there's anything to save here. She's already got another stud lined up in her stable (whether she says so or not - you bet your butt this has to do with the "old friend" from high school). Once somebody sets their heart on someone new, it is pretty hard to work with them on the "old". I personally think this relationship of hers will NOT work out (these things seldom do), but for now it is giving her excitement, validation as a woman, etc. Sorry you got trampled on in the process. Ultimately, I think you will be the one who's better off.
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