britters
recently joined
Reged: 02/12/07
Posts: 2
Loc: Missouri
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I'll try to keep a long story short. My active duty husband is stationed in ft bragg NC and that's where we were married as well. He left me while i was pregnant, giving me only the money that the military made him, fine by me. During this time i moved back home to missouri where both our families live and where we grew up. in august 06 he deployed to iraq and everything was decent between us, we planned on the divorce when he came back to the states and he never acknowledged our child (he thought she wasnt his) I gave birth to a beautiful little girl 01/16/07 and he's now home on leave, i gave him his damn dna test and she's his. well since finding out he has a daughter he's been threatening me with taking her. He's an active duty soldier who still has to serve six more months in iraq! can he take any legal action? He wont actually say "I'm taking her away from you" but he implys it in everything he says and things are turning really ugly. He wants to take her from my custody and have his parents raise her until he comes home, not mention completely phase me out of her life. I'm her damn mother! He continually tells me what a bad mother i am (I'm not a bad mom, I'm a new mom) I'm only 19 and yes she got a diaper rash that doesnt make me an unfit parent right? anyway he has his parents behind him 100% and they're planning some sort of legal action and i dont know what to expect or what to do to prepare myself. I'm scared i might lose my daughter! I'm a legal resident of missouri so can i file for divorce in this state or do i have to do it in NC? not to mention can i serve him with papers while he's overseas...what can i do to stop him from picking her up and leaving with her? if we're legally married he has just as much right to walk out of the house with her as i do doesnt he? He wont agree to anything right now and refuses to divorce me until he's home for good. WHAT CAN I DO!
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LostHerWay
recently joined
Reged: 07/07/06
Posts: 22
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I wouldn't be overly concerned with your husband taking your daughter away from you. Sounds more to me that he is trying to scare you than anything else. In most court cases, the mother will get the child over the father unless it is proved that the mother is completely unfit. VERY hard to do. From what I gathered, you can't serve him while he is overseas. You are probably going to have to wait until he gets back. Allow me though to offer you some advice from personal experience... I learned the hard way that who ever files for the divorce first has the upperhand. I would definitely file in Missouri first (once you have established residency) or you run the risk of him filing in North Carolina. I am currently in North Carolina fighting my divorce filed in Texas. It is a pain in the neck.
I will warn you though that your husband does have every right to see your daughter and take her. When I say take her though, I mean for example for lunch. If you are that worried, I would run out and file a seperation agreement. Seeing as he is already trying to play games, I would get a seperation agreement anyway. Also, don't worry about his parents. They are going to back him no matter what. Don't let them scare you!!!
Sorry to hear that he left you pregnant. The same thing happened to me. If you ever want to talk about it, feel free to email me. It is a terrible thing to go through.
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CRASHCREWGIRL
recently joined
Reged: 02/12/07
Posts: 11
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Your emotions were getting to you when you posted...This process SUCKS!!! I am in a fight myself. Dad is trying to take children and move to Ohio. I am the active duty member.
You can file a Temp Restrain Order, protecting your children from being taken out of the state. If you feel he may "run off" then I suggest doing that, but you said he is deployed. Being active duty myself, I doubt thats going to happen. I am 28 and you are 19. I ahd a child at 20. Its a very demanding role. In my opinion, based off of my own experiences, you are young. Diaper Rashes do not make you a bad Mom. Also, bad mouthing the childs father does not set a positive example for your daughter....Seek advice from a military legal assistance office. They will tell you the in's and out's concerning Military Divorce. Keep your head up...My other opinion to you...You are young, and if you are not already employed, or going to college, ect....Do so. I see too often young girls focusing there divorce battles with the concern of getting my "military benifits"...Yes, you were his spouse, but money only causes issues. The courts will rule whats best...But its up to you to prove your a "fit" Mom and not just trying to take advantage of the system...
I am sorry for some of my stern comments....I hope your not offended. I am just trying to be honest. Good Luck.
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Lucy44
old hand
Reged: 07/11/05
Posts: 874
Loc: Rochester, MN
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Have you gotten a support order? Has he made any effort to support you since you separated? If possible, you could have him served while he's home on leave.
If you are a resident of MO, there is nothing to stop you from filing there.
As to the legal action, don't worry about it. Unless you really screw up between now and a custody hearing (when he's back from deployment),you will undoubtedly be given primary custody.
Do as the other poster suggested, and get legal advice.
In the meanwhile, quit worrying...it'll be okay!
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Experience is a wonderful thing.
It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
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elliesmom
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/07/05
Posts: 8835
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I only disagree with the part about her filing in MO. Under the Soldier's and Sailors Relief act an active duty member can only be sued:
1. In the state where they are stationed.
2. In the state where they reside.
3. In the state that is their HOR
Generally you only resort to #3 if they are stationed and reside overseas. If MO is none of those things he can fight jurisdiction. This is the information that I got in 2002 and as far as I know this has not changed.
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Forgiveness is...letting go of the hope that the past can be changed.
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Redlegg
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 10/05/06
Posts: 26804
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The way I understand it is that the act will only protect military personnel from being unfairly treated if they cannot appear. It does not remove the burden from then in any cases or courts where they need to appear. , it can only delay what the court requires them to do. In order to do this, they must provide certain things requested by the courts, letters as to why they cannot appear, inofrmation from their commander, etc. The jusrisdiction becomes an issue if they are pursuing certain issues under the USFSPA. DFAS will not recognize any court orders that were issued by courts that do not have jurisdiction. If a military member appears before a court, I believe he/she is allowing the court to have jurisdiction.
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