lsutton
enthusiast
Reged: 08/15/06
Posts: 226
Loc: Indiana
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Terrible that I would be except things to change right away. It has been 5 months and I still am having major trust issues. I have tried to look at this from the outside and it looks odd when I do. Why do I feel so betrayed by a "text" relationship? Granted after he left it turned into more, for a minute. But if I was the one doing that I would think "what is the big deal" I was just talking. But it controls my life. I think of it all the time. People keep saying that I have to move on with this or it will end my marriage. I don't know how to move on. I don't want to think about this anymore, I just want to be able to trust him and believe what he says. I have no idea how to get through all of this. Our marriage has been the best it has ever been the last few months, but I am pretending most of the time. I so badly want this to work out. To be happy, to trust, to forgive, to go on. But it is just holding on to me for dear life and I can't seem to let go of it. Also, there is hardly any sex anymore. My husband is 31 a little young to have lost his drive. That also makes me wonder what is going on, he says he is just tired but I don't know anymore. He was always so crazy about it all the time and now he seems to make excuses constantly. Maybe I am just letting my imagination get the best of me, who knows anymore. Am I just turning nothing into something. Maybe he is just tired he does work a ton. I just feel like I am going nuts right now and I want to let all this insanity go.
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liftnbhappy
journeyman
Reged: 08/20/06
Posts: 69
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If you let yourself think of one thing over and over again, your brain receptors will rewire themselves and do it automatically without you wanting to or even being able to help yourself from doing it.
You have become obsessed with his affair. You need to seek professional help to pull yourself out of this. You can either choose to say counseling doesn't work or put some effort into it and find a counselor that will help you pull yourself out of this.
If you want to stay in this marriage or leave it you are going to have to get help to pull yourself out of this rut. Or you will forever obsess about how you have been done wrong.
Do you like being a victim? I ask that because that is what you are doing. You are making yourself into the victim here, how you have been done wrong. If you don't want to be the victim anymore and want to take charge of your life and YOU be the one in the drivers seat you are going to have to go get some help to pull you out of this mental rut.
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lsutton
enthusiast
Reged: 08/15/06
Posts: 226
Loc: Indiana
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You are correct. I need to learn to let this go and come to realize that if something else is going to happen there is nothing I can go to change or stop it. I am just worried for myself. I am playing victim, I agree. I need to stand up and take control and see that I can make this what I choose it to be. I want this to be the beginning of a wonderful marriage.....who knows.
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sdefrain
newbie
Reged: 10/04/06
Posts: 27
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As far as the sex thing I know my husband is usually crazy about it too but right now he isn't. I am not really either. Mine I think has to do with the medication. His I think has to do with the fact that he thinks I have lost interest in him. Besides when we fight all the time he really isn't interested either. He is probably trying to make it work out as well. Maybe he thinks your not interested for some reason. Or meybe he feels that you don't trust him and that has something to do with it.
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dirtyred
recently joined
Reged: 03/02/07
Posts: 2
Loc: Michigan
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I totally understand how you feel. i'm not sure if something did actual happen or the content in the text. To me wehter it was ovious something or just simple convosation- from another woman: it's wrong. They are right about obsessing- I did over a few pictures and a few phone calls that lasted not even a minute. When I found out- I went into depression, lost all of my passion for anything, withdrew from myself and everybody. i started checking his phone everyday, not sleeping and it was on my mind all day everyday- affecting me at work. I decided to get ahold of myself and build my self esteem up. We did tak about it and I felt better but still think about it. i'm trying to chalk it up as what happens in the dark will come to the light. I still consider going to talk to someone- because i truly love him and care about our marriage. You have to decide how you want to feel or what you really want. I beleive you want this to work. Try focusing on the current positive attributes of your relationship. As far as the sex. I went through that as well and still do. I desire my husband daily- more than he thinks about it. He has gained weight- but i still desire him and only him. After a few conversations about not having enough. I found out that 1. having kids in the house slows us down and our schedules being different. The major thing I found out was that I wasn't intitiating enough. Men have feelings and needs as well as us. I still struggle with starting it more but I'm working on it. Sex is not always physical. Sometimes pleasure for either is simply alittle more attention, compliments, back/foot rub after a long days work. For your own sanity- try doing something for yourself that makes you feel good
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Pinkie
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