frustratedmother
recently joined
Reged: 02/22/07
Posts: 11
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I am actually a little scared to post my problem on this site (because 1. I pray my ex does not come across my post because his retaliation would be horrible! and 2.from reading some of the responses to other posters it doesn't seem like I have much hope) but I really need some advice! Here is my story:
My EX and I met online and dated long distance for 3 months when I got pregnant. We moved in together shortly after with plans to get married. We got married about a month after I moved in a I stayed living with him less than 2 weeks after we got married. The reason I left is because he started being very controlling...picking out my clothes, forbidding me to see family and friends, telling me when to shower etc. He is OCD and expected me to follow along with many of his "rituals" if I didn't a HUGE fight would ensue he would always tell me that my way of doing this was wrong and made me feel worthless most of the time. We tried counseling to no avail...he was not honest with counselor. And I had pretty much given up also at this point. He told me that if I left him he could easily get full custody of our child and made many threats to me if I left...which I have proof of. But I knew I could not stay and raise my child in this enviorment. When I told him I was divorcing him he threatened me again. He has not followed through on any of the threats *knock on wood* but has continually harassed my family and friend (and still continues)! Our son has now been born and at first he has supervised visitation...this is getting ready to change. Here is my problem...I am so afraid of this man and fear for him to be with my child. But obviously the court doesn't agree or care! I want to find out about this
this but don't know if I have any chance of changing things until something happens to my child in his care! Can anyone help me with this? Or even if someone has been in a similar situation and can at least give me advice on how to deal with this!
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Moi
old hand
Reged: 05/28/05
Posts: 784
Loc: DFW, TX
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From my experience, you just need to wait. The courts have obviously set up a schedule for him to graduate to non supervised visits and he has met the requirements. The only thing you can do is hope that it all goes well and take legal action if it does not.
On what basis was he given supervised visitation in the first place. To be honest, based solely on what you posted, I am amazed they gave him supervised visitation at all.
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Every storm cloud has a silver lining. Will you capitalize on it or b*tch about the storm?
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Avaya
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 02/09/06
Posts: 9816
Loc: Arkansas
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Well, unfortunately, this is what you get when you make babies with men you don't know. Harsh, but true. Hopefully you learned your lesson. Honestly, and crazy this may be, have you considered getting back with him? The reason I ask is this - you can either live with him miserably for the next 18 years but be able to protect your child OR you can not get back with him and send your kid over there where you can't protect him. You see what I mean? OCD just mean's he's compulsive and most judges wouldn't consider that a reason to have supervised visitation. Perhaps your 'proof' of his dangerous actions is enough to keep supervised, but doesn't sound like it if the courts are willing to graduate it up to unsupervised.
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Eternity is too long to be wrong.
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frustratedmother
recently joined
Reged: 02/22/07
Posts: 11
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The reason he was given supervised visitation in the beginning is because the child was only a month old when the visitation began and they felt he needed to "establish a relationship" with the child. My attorney has not brought my "proof" of his threats and behavior to the table because I guess I had faith (stupid me) that based on his behavior he would have to continue supervised.
I have definitely learned my lesson! And sometimes truly feel that I am being punished for my bad choices! I have talked to 2 counselors about his behavoir during our marriage and they both said that it was good I got out when I did because the behavior would more than likely esculate to physical abuse...given the verbal abuse during the marriage...and his anger issues! So for my decision to get out when I did I feel strong! GETTING BACK TOGETHER IS NOT OPTION!! I guess I see where you are coming from but this is how I see it: I did not like the person I was when I was with him...I felt weak and always so unhappy...I don't feel like I would be an effective parent to my child or a good role model! Plus I don't want my child to be subjected to his abuse either. The way I look at it I can provide a happy, healthy home when he is with me which is the majority of the time. If I got back with his father I could not provide that for my child!
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Tabitha
addict
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 481
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You're not being punished for your bad choices you're just suffering from the natural consequences of your choices. Every choice, whether good or bad has consequences... sometimes positive, sometimes negative. Punishment would have to be handed-down by someone and that's not the case here. Sort of like a person who swims with sharks and get's bitten. Nobody was punishing them for swimming with sharks... getting bitten was just a consequence of the choice to swim with the sharks.
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Avaya
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 02/09/06
Posts: 9816
Loc: Arkansas
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Very smart reply Tabitha!
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Eternity is too long to be wrong.
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Moi
old hand
Reged: 05/28/05
Posts: 784
Loc: DFW, TX
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I don't think his threats to YOU would make a difference in the custody. Threats concerning the child might.
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Every storm cloud has a silver lining. Will you capitalize on it or b*tch about the storm?
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